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Everyday Ageism

For once it was nice to be invisible.

(60 Posts)
merlotgran Sun 21-Jul-19 12:28:45

As I mentioned on another thread, I've just done a speed awareness course. Everyone assured me it would be fine, interesting and informative etc., and they were right.

But.....I was the oldest one there by quite a long chalk. We sat at round tables and there were six men and one very glamorous young women on mine. We introduced ourselves but nobody actually spoke to me. When we took part in group discussions, the men barged in first with their opinions then turned to Miss Fancy Pants and asked, 'What do you think?' hmm

I just left them to it. It wasn't a competition or a test so there was nothing for me to gain by joining in. I'd had an early start, they didn't even give you a complimentary coffee so I couldn't be arsedbothered to comment apart from the moment when one of the men demonstrated the hand clap he likes to do when annoyed by another driver. I pointed out he would have to take both hands off the wheel to do that!

His withering glance confirmed he thought I was just some old duck who shouldn't even be on the road.

He was happy to boast it was his third course though. He looked about thirty!!

grin grin

NfkDumpling Sun 21-Jul-19 12:39:47

I’ve quite got used to being invisible to the younger generation and now enjoy the benefits such as eavesdropping.

NfkDumpling Sun 21-Jul-19 12:41:02

(My speed awareness course was full of older people like myself and was more like a social tea party - except we only got one small cup of tea and one biscuit half way through.)

Lona Sun 21-Jul-19 12:42:36

Once you've accepted that nobody's interested in you anymore, it's quite liberating.grin

BrandyButter Sun 21-Jul-19 12:44:40

My friend has this Tshirt and I am really considering buying myself seven and wear one every day. If you found the course informative I would just take that away with you as the benefit of the course and take no heed of immature individuals who displayed their lack of commuication skills and ignorance. You really would not want these people as your friends so do not use another second of your life dwelling on them smile

BrandyButter Sun 21-Jul-19 12:48:45

When people have hand clapped to my son he usually replies "You want me to throw you a fish??" grin. My other son bows in appreciation when it is done to him. I wouldn't recommend either response as it can escalate the road rage .

merlotgran Sun 21-Jul-19 12:51:28

Oooh I love that T shirt.

I want one! grin

Yes, Lona. It's very liberating to just let them get on with it. I'm too long in the tooth to let them think I care.

Coz I don't!

Gonegirl Sun 21-Jul-19 13:03:00

Ooh. Didn't know it was you on that thread merlot. (Didn't get round to reading that one)

DH did one of those. It was Christmas Day it happened. We'd been for a little walk after lunch and he was taken short for the loo! Only time in his life did he ever go over the speed limit. grin

Pantglas1 Sun 21-Jul-19 13:51:26

I agree that getting older and becoming invisible can be liberating and less is expected of us. I play to that quite often when handsome young men here in Spain offer me a seat in bars because I remind them of their grandmothers!

The other side of that of course was when I worked and attended meetings etc some younger people switched off when I contributed my tuppence worth and be ignored. Then I would smile sweetly when things ended up the way I’d suggested the would!

M0nica Sun 21-Jul-19 19:51:33

Why does one become invisible when one gets older? I haven't noticed older people being ignored or being ignored myself.

Is it self-inflicted?

ginny Sun 21-Jul-19 21:58:49

Ditto from me MOnica.
I recently attended an art course, was the eldest there. The younger people treated me no differently to anyone else. Neither have I felt excluded anywhere else.

Urmstongran Sun 21-Jul-19 22:14:09

I quite like not being the focus of any attention now I’m older. It’s akin to being like the wallpaper.

I sit now with my back to any wall and people watching.

I had my turn in the sunshine. It’s for other, younger ones now! I enjoy watching and listening.

Callistemon Sun 21-Jul-19 22:50:26

Miss Fancy Pants grin

He was happy to boast it was his third course though. He looked about thirty!!
The speed awareness courses are not very effective then.
Perhaps after two courses, a very hefty fine should be in order for a third offence - hurt his pocket and he may think twice about speeding again!

annep1 Sun 21-Jul-19 22:58:01

That was bad luck Merlotgran. They aren't all like that.
Love the T shirt Brandybutter. Where can I get one?

Blinko Mon 22-Jul-19 08:01:32

When my OH is annoyed at another driver, particularly those aggressive ones who toot and roar past with a glare, he blows them a kiss. It worries them no end!

BlueBelle Mon 22-Jul-19 08:25:14

I posted a thread about that T-shirt the other day and those that answered didn’t like round necks 😂 although they did like the message

I think it depends how much your input is whatever your age There are many old people who dominate conversations and as you said you couldn’t be bothered so basically you get out what you put in I haven’t noticed being ignored I did a brief art course the other month and was by far the oldest there but I didn’t find I was treated any differently I sat next to an 18 year old and we had a real giggle especially when I told her some of my adventures many years ago
I remember when I worked in an old people home once a very small white haired fairly quiet lady told me her life story which included running away to a circus and marrying the trapeze artist I d have never thought she had anything other than a very quiet life
Maybe you didn’t really want to be there

Craftycat Mon 22-Jul-19 09:31:49

I've done 2 speed courses & really enjoyed both. I really think they should be mandatory for everyone.
Both had mixed age groups & it was not only interesting but fun too. Lots of laughter & 2 cups of coffee & biscuits

merlotgran Mon 22-Jul-19 09:36:08

Maybe you didn’t really want to be there

I can think of much nicer things to spend £94 on grin

suziewoozie Mon 22-Jul-19 09:53:26

I wonder if it were true that it was his third course? You can only do one every three years but I wonder if that’s too generous anyway?

Barmeyoldbat Mon 22-Jul-19 09:57:08

Same as Monica, I don't feel invisible with younger people and they certainly wouldn't have ignored me at a meeting. In fact I enjoy the company of younger people .

merlotgran Mon 22-Jul-19 10:03:20

I also enjoy the company of younger people but when faced with a room full of male egos I prefer to hold back and let them get on with it.

Doesn't mean I don't have a voice or an opinion, I'm just reluctant to waste either of them.

Patticake123 Mon 22-Jul-19 10:22:38

I share your annoyance. I went on a cookery course and was completely ignored by the other participants. I knew I’d lost a bit of weight, but invisible! When we broke for lunch we were seated at a long table, I sat down first and the other 5 folk seated themselves at the far end. When the tutor arrived, she sat next to me and we chatted throughout, I wish I could have photographed their faces!

sarahellenwhitney Mon 22-Jul-19 10:27:02

Merlotgran. Yes me too.
We can all learn but there are always those I would prefer to let have their' moments'grinSo sit back as at some stage you may be sure one of them will surely on opening their mouth not only look a fool as well as proving it.

Daisymae Mon 22-Jul-19 10:53:21

Oh, I am liking the t shirt!

Nanny41 Mon 22-Jul-19 11:04:58

I was invisible two days ago, not with younger people but my DH and his friend and friends wife, talking about something terribly important obviously, buying and selling property! I was discovered later thankfully.