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Everyday Ageism

Patronising references to being elderly

(184 Posts)
Fethiye53 Sun 10-Dec-23 14:47:43

I get really annoyed with younger women saying utterances such as awww, god bless, bless and other such elderly reference terms when I have a conversation with some of them. Im 70 but hardly wrinkled and many say I dont look 70. Im in the gym twice a week doing weights. I fling kettlebells around at home. I work in a responsible job and yet something about me evokes this king of response from younger women like decrepit and in my 90s. Even 90 year olds dont deserve this either. Of course I dont say anything at the time but perhaps I should next time.

silverlining48 Sun 10-Dec-23 14:54:36

I am not keen on aww bless either. Seems a bit patronising though am sure it’s not meant that way. However old I get I don’t think I will ever like it.

Shinamae Sun 10-Dec-23 14:59:35

I am 70 and hate “my dear”…

M0nica Sun 10-Dec-23 15:09:43

The one I hate is Gosh, no one would think your were 80 Why not? What they mean is You do not match my stereotype of what a woman of 80 should look like

It is always said in a manner that almost suggests I should apologise for not matching their steretype. Anyway I know plenty of 80 year olds that look no older than me and are just as active.

I have one young doctor who I see occasionally on a research project I am enrolled on and I almost feel she holds how I look and my still independent life against me, her irritation with me increased because I always get full marks whenever I do cognition tests.

Gwyllt Sun 10-Dec-23 15:21:15

Lighten up what’s in a name. As a scouser I tend to call everyone love irrespective of age Live in Wales now never had anyone object

Kim19 Sun 10-Dec-23 15:28:15

I'm fortunate so far that only one person has alluded to my age and that was a nurse who had occasion to check my dob. Hope it doesn't irritate me if and when it does happen.

Theexwife Sun 10-Dec-23 16:18:06

Nobody is saying it to be unkind, you may not think you look elderly but to a young person, you do. Think back to when you were young, you probably thought a 50 year old looked like an old person.

silverlining48 Sun 10-Dec-23 16:21:20

My 50 year old neighbour ‘aww blessed ‘ me this afternoon. She means well but we were in the midst of a normal conversation where there was no need to bless me.

rockgran Sun 10-Dec-23 16:27:10

I take it as kindly meant and try to appreciate it. They don't know that in my head I'm still 20 and constantly astonished that I"m not! My DH just turned 80 - aw, bless...grin

pascal30 Sun 10-Dec-23 17:50:57


My 50 year old neighbour ‘aww blessed ‘ me this afternoon. She means well but we were in the midst of a normal conversation where there was no need to bless me.

I think some people do it automatically nowadays, like a lot of people used to say 'you know' at the end of their sentences..

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 10-Dec-23 18:02:37

I’m older than you OP and frankly I couldn’t care less what people say so long as they’re polite. I have never, ever, felt patronised. Lighten up and don’t sweat the small stuff - there are far more important things to get stressed about.

Bea65 Sun 10-Dec-23 18:07:53

GSH agree … it’s not offensive or insulting- I’ve used both terms and find them endearing 🤗

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 10-Dec-23 18:29:18

I have a soft spot for a Geordie-ish accent and love being called ‘pet’. It’s just so nice if someone is friendly I think.

Georgesgran Sun 10-Dec-23 18:31:34

Couldn’t give a monkey’s, Pet.

Norah Sun 10-Dec-23 18:37:15

Fethiye53, I don't mind anything people say, apart from rude or smug. I've not been insulted by polite, sweet, kind - in any context.

But, if you're annoyed, maybe you should express that?

silverlining48 Sun 10-Dec-23 18:40:10

I am sure it’s well meant but always sounds a tad patronising.

Deedaa Sun 10-Dec-23 18:48:18

I don't think anyone has ever said "Aww bless" to me, but that might say more about me than it does about them wink

M0nica Sun 10-Dec-23 18:54:42

Its a phrase everyone uses for everyone these days. I actually heard DH use it to a helpful shop assistant.

Charleygirl5 Sun 10-Dec-23 18:56:08

I was rung the other day and asked if I had a pen and paper. This was 4 pm. I asked why they were required and it was to write down the name of a man supposedly visiting me the next day.

She was very surprised when I told her I would remember his name if he appeared in 9 months time. That company did not get the work.

She probably thought because I am 80 I cannot remember anything.

HousePlantQueen Sun 10-Dec-23 18:58:08

I just give anyone who dares to "oh bless" me my best Paddington Bear stare. Then graciously accept their blustering, stuttering apologies.

grandMattie Sun 10-Dec-23 19:15:43

I always wait for the …. “for your age” comment. Quite frequently, I say it first, just to see the discomfiture on the face of the person implying it.

AreWeThereYet Sun 10-Dec-23 19:20:32

Why do so many people think they are being singled out to be patronised? No one knows who that person calls 'dear'.

I have a friend who calls absolutely everybody - the postman, the butcher, workmen, her nieces, her husband, her friends, her husband's friends - 'dear' and even 'aw blesses' now and then. She was doing it 40+ years ago when we worked together and isn't likely to change now. I showed her the last thread we had about this and she was amazed that anyone would feel patronised and said she would try not to say it to anyone who looks older than her but I doubt she will succeed.

MerylStreep Sun 10-Dec-23 19:23:18

Why is it assumed that the bless you is in reference to your age. I work with young mothers, I often say bless you when I feel they have done/ said something that warrants it.

Maywalk Sun 10-Dec-23 19:26:59

How do you think I feel at the age of 93. LOL
I get queer looks when in hospital and bring out my I-pad to keep in touch with all my cyber friends. More so when Face timing my family.
My headlights are still working even if the chassis is falling to bits.

AreWeThereYet Sun 10-Dec-23 19:30:32

My headlights are still working even if the chassis is falling to bits.

Maywalk 🤣🤣🤣 Aw bless ....