Home cooking, grandchildren

I doubt whether the child is malnourished - they just get their nutrition in ways that are different from how we did.

I agree that a family meal with lots of variety in it is good, but not the only way to ingest fuel. Things are different now.

I am appalled by the number of snacks that children get through - but they do seem to be nutritious snacks which is good. I think we have to go with the flow.

Well, to be fair my DGS’s mums know much more about nutrition than I ever did, and both cook from scratch for them, so we can’t generalise. I don’t think things have changed that much over the years in relation to children’s health - there were always very well fed children and others who weren’t so lucky. There’s a lot more choice these days too - not all of it good, of course. And I often used to eat separately from my parents, as my dad worked shifts and their mealtimes could be very peculiar, but don’t most children eat earlier?

I do agree though that the good old roast dinner is becoming a bit of a treat now rather than the norm. We rarely bother with a proper Sunday dinner just for the two of us these days, but always make the effort if the family are round, and we all really enjoy it and say we should do it more often.

I taught both my children to cook - in fact my son is a college trained chef, although after a brief flirtation with a commercial kitchen he decided it wasn’t for him, but he is still a superb cook. What most parents lack in their lives is time, and that is the problem with most working families these days. They feel they don’t have time to cook and then they get out of the habit of cooking. If parents don’t cook, children won’t learn about the value of good food eaten at a family table. It’s easier to fall back on junk food and ready meals than to knock up a simple pasta dish, or put a casserole in a slow cooker. After all this pontificating, I have to admit that, like Jane Fearnley Whittingstall in her ‘Good Granny Guide’, I have to admit to feeding my children the odd meal of Campbell’s meatballs or something similar when they were young ?!

It is not so much the nutrition, as the fact that someone (grandma!) has gone to a lot of trouble preparing and cooking a meal with several different elements, all of which "go together" to make a traditional roast dinner. It is good manners to at least do your best to do justice to that trouble. Grandma is not a restaurant with an extensive menu to pick and mix from and throw out half of.

Also, some may have been new to her, but she was getting stuck in and would probably have eaten it all if she'd been left to it, and discovered that it was all nice. Why pile on extra of some things so that she fills up on those and ignores the rest?

The next time she gets that combination, she will say, "Oh, I don't like that or that, just give me this," and another fussy eater is born. A first world problem!

It’s not wise to interfere or feel ‘irritated’, though I understand your worries. You can’t do anything about it so best just to present a good quality meal at your home as and when you can.

Thanks for your replies.
As I said, she is well nourished.
Her Mum is the one who never cooks. She does not know how to! Not sure why. She is too busy to learn now.

We heard today that they enjoyed their visit so much, especially the meal, that they want to arrange another visit soon!!
Of my other grandchildren, both lots eat well. One lot eat very healthily with at least five fruit or veg a day; the others eat good meals, not so much veg, but with lots of sugary or oily snacks too. All four parents cook very capably, especially my son! I feel proud of him.

Cabbie you do have a point. I heard recently about a 4 year old who didn't understand the concept of "dinner".

Slightly off topic but I to my mind there is absolutely no reason to not cook from scratch nowadays (unless of course you hate cooking), I buy all sorts of fresh veg, freshly chopped veg for soup mixes, a chopped onion, tomato and celery base and so on as shortcuts for cooking from scratch.

Yes, it’s a problem.
I do think you were lucky that the granddaughter was willing to try the food. I’d be ecstatic if that were my son. I cook pretty well and as my husband is a fussy vegetarian, so we have a wide variety of meals. However, my DS aged 8 is extremely fussy and wouldn’t have eaten any of the roast dinner apart from possibly, a few pieces of chicken.
I suspect he’s on the spectrum as he has a very limited diet, is fussy about eating food in a particular order, about it not touching etc. I seriously worry about him getting enough vitamin and minerals as he’s also started to refuse to eat his multi vitamin ‘sweets’ now.
There’s no school dinners where we live so he doesn’t eat anything at lunchtime as anything he takes just comes straight home untouched.
I do worry a lot about malnutrition.

Well done you, they enjoyed it so much they are coming for another visit soon,you never know you may be asked for cookery advise. I would let them continue just the way they are and if the little one is getting enough nourishment don’t worry. She did love the vegetables, and some children won’t touch them. I work with several people reaching 40 and they don’t cook at all,they buy ready meals,one girl even buys mashed potatoes. Some people have never been taught, and wouldn’t know how to cook from scratch.

What I have noticed in my own family is two things.

Firstly, they put too much food on the childs plate to start with. At something like a Christmas dinner I would put one of everything and then allow more if they make it through that but when I look at their little plates piled high I want to scream !! Its so off putting to be faced with a mountain of food.

And secondly, that there is a huge amount of negotiation going on , like' eat 3 more bites , or eat more of this and you can have more of that or worse, after continuous whining of 'i don't like it' or ' I'm not hungry' they're allowed to stop and then fill up on dessert or sweets.

I never insist they clear their plates but unless a good effort is made ( I only cook things they like) then there is NO dessert. There is always fruit and yoghurt but no sweet treats.

But that isn't how its done now sadly.

I think family meals around a table are crucial. Its where you find out what's going on, its where some social skills are honed. I always did it, and even now when we have the GC its what we do.

Ohh how I sympathise &empathise, as my DH tells me worry all you like but it won't change a thing! I do believe each generation goes through this. Put both fists in your mouth bite hard & don't say a thing. I think the only people to have a slight chance of getting away with an opinion about such things is when it's a Mum & daughter , other than that theirs no chance unless you want to take the risk of being ostracised. Obviously if children are at risk for what ever reason then that would be a different matter.

N&G your post rings bells with me. Mealtimes can end up as a battle ground, and it's hard to hold one's tongue.
I was never a fussy eater apart from one or 2 things (tripe and parsnips.) My Mum was very strict, and if I refused a meal at lunch time served it up cold for tea - yuk!

Fussy eaters are a real problem; we have one, but he is coming round slowly and his diet is now much wider than it was even a couple of years ago, when mealtimes were something of a war of attrition! We are blessed that he has always liked vegetables. I have to agree with N&G that putting too much on a child’s plate is a no-no. I was guilty of this until DH took me in hand, pointing out that there was as much on GS’s plate as there was on his and he couldn’t be blamed from baulking at it! Having hastened slowly since then, he will now eat a good plateful and come back for seconds.

There have always been people who cook and people who don't, and although there is a far better range of ready meals now which make it easier to serve up dinner without a lot of preparation, let's not get to nostalgic about it, most of us are of the generation when convenience food was 'invented' as such. Those of us who grew up in the 60s and 70s had Angel Delight, Dream Topping, Vesta curries, tinned meatballs......My mum never served them up but I was always really envious of my friend, used to love going to her's for dinner and getting tinned meatballs and Angel Delight! I am sure your grandson will do fine, relax, it has always been thus!

Half of our GC are fussy eaters. It drives me mad. I try and provide good food and it's just wasted. I dread them coming for meals to be honest but do my best to pander to their likes such as cheese and tempt them something they might just try - and enjoy! I'm hoping they will grow out of it in due course!!!! Perhaps I'm jealous because I was never allowed to be a fussy eater and was actually sick when I had to eat some tomatoes - though I love them now

Luckily my DGDs are not fussy and they like my cooking. My stepGC were the same. It was my own sons who were fussy and I admit that after years of losing battles, I gave up and gave them the convenience foods that they would eat.

my son was the worst eater ever,I used to spend whole days cooking for him in the hope he would eat something...anything.I had a neighbour who was scandalised I'd let him eat in any room in the house...but as long as we got food in his stoamch he could have had it in the bath .When he started school the school nurse called me in because he was very underweight and askked him in front of me what was in his lunch box and if it was what he wanted to eat..or if I was giving him food he didn't enjoy.She was very shocked when he told her he only ate things HE liked and his lunch that day was smoked salmon sandwich grapes and raspberries and a yoghourt ...along with a carton of chocolate milk .Nothing wrong with WHAT he ate but none of it was high enough in calories .He's 30 now and weighs 8 stone 4 at 5 foot 8 ,still a very fussy eater ,wont eat junk food etc .Strangely his daughter will eat anything and seems to always be hungry .I was never made to eat things when I was wee so I just followed what my mum and her mum did .The children were healthy and thats what counts

My daughter used to buy 'hello fresh' meals (when she was well) and subjected my grandsons to all manner of strange, organic, rarely heard of foods. To their credit they would always give it a try. The older one would sniff it, examine it and touch it with his tongue a lot, but youngest would tuck in a give it a go. they quite enjoyed cooking it all together, and would rate each meal out of ten afterwards.

Craicon I know what you mean about the picky eating! GS1 has a very limited diet and always has done. He likes food to be crunchy and different foods MUST NOT touch on the plate. He always takes packed lunch to school because the school dinners would be a complete non starter, but his lunch comes home hardly touched. Food doesn't interest him and yes, he is very thin. He has been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD , but we are making progress - he ate a Turkey wing and three yorkshire puddings for Christmas dinner!

Me again, but different grandchild this time.
My daughter and her family came for Sunday dinner today. Everyone ate everything, roast beef, roast potatoes and parsnips, carrots, cauliflower, sprouts, gravy.
No problems at all.
Grandson, 10, saw the dish of veg arrive on the table and said “ Oh I love sprouts” and he meant it!!
He had seconds and thirds of everything.
And thanked me, as did his sister, without prompting.

Not allowed to say it or even think it but these are the best grandchildren ever! One proud Granny today!

It's a very good sign that they enjoyed everything so much that they are coming back. I wonder if you can get stepson's partner in the kitchen to help prepare something, may be mix the yorkshire pudding or something. It sounds like she was never exposed to this herself, so doesn't know where to start. That said, I find it surprising, there are so many cooking shows out there nowadays. I only remember Fanny Craddock and her poor husband Johnny and the Graham Kerr, the Galloping Gourmet.

DS & DDiL nearly always cook for DGC and they sit together round the table to eat. Both have very busy jobs. DH does a round trip of 150 miles to get to work and back and DDiL also has a demanding job.

I think it is a matter of priorities. DS and wife, put their phones down when they get home and then cannot find them if the phone rings and there is only one computer and one very small tv in the house. This gives time for cooking, eating, talking, reading, drawing etc etc.