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Limericks 9

(1001 Posts)
FarNorth Thu 08-Aug-19 23:53:06

I really don`t mind being hirsute
My hair's glossy and really quite cute

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 18-Aug-19 15:59:19

I thought I would just buy some sneakers
White with some unusual features
Lights on the heel
A single front wheel
And it top it all, a sole with built in heaters.

Can I afford this fabulous footwear?

Grannycool52 Sun 18-Aug-19 16:04:51

Can I afford this fabulous footwear?
I think that's a point that's moot, Dear

FarNorth Sun 18-Aug-19 16:39:31

Can I afford this fabulous footwear?
I think that's a point that's moot, Dear
I may just ask Santa

Jangran99 Sun 18-Aug-19 17:18:30

Can I afford this fabulous footwear?
I think that's a point that's moot, Dear
I may just ask Santa
If he would grant aaa......

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 18-Aug-19 17:27:52

Can I afford this fabulous footwear?
I think that's a point that's moot, Dear
I may just ask Santa
If he would grant aaa......
Wish and for Christmas bring me a pair.

An ambitious young lady called Pam

FarNorth Sun 18-Aug-19 17:32:15

An ambitious young lady called Pam
Set sail in Spring for Siam

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 18-Aug-19 17:36:38

An ambitious young lady called Pam
Set sail in Spring for Siam
Her boat sprung a leak

Jangran99 Sun 18-Aug-19 17:41:17

An ambitious young lady called Pam
Set sail in Spring for Siam
Her boat sprung a leak
She baled for a week

Elrel Sun 18-Aug-19 17:45:41

An ambitious young lady called Pam
Set sail in Spring for Siam
Her boat sprung a leak
She baled for a week
With the help of a very large clam.

A happy young chappy named Paul

Jangran99 Sun 18-Aug-19 17:52:55

A happy young chappy named Paul
Was a genius on the pinball

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 18-Aug-19 18:25:50

A happy young chappy named Paul
Was a genius on the pinball
His score was unbeaten

FarNorth Sun 18-Aug-19 19:35:24

A happy young chappy named Paul
Was a genius on the pinball
His score was unbeaten
Til some chap from Eton

Jangran99 Sun 18-Aug-19 19:50:24

A happy young chappy named Paul
Was a genius on the pinball
His score was unbeaten
Til some chap from Eton
Showed pride comes before a fall

There's nothing I want on the telly

crazyH Sun 18-Aug-19 20:09:56

There's nothing I want on the telly
I need a good laugh to shake my belly

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 18-Aug-19 20:56:51

There's nothing I want on the telly
I need a good laugh to shake my belly
There's a knock on the door

callgirl1 Sun 18-Aug-19 21:28:39

There`s nothing I want on the telly
I need a good laugh to shake my belly
There`s a knock on the door
Scared me to my core

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 18-Aug-19 21:39:08

There`s nothing I want on the telly
I need a good laugh to shake my belly
There`s a knock on the door
Scared me to my core
So much, that my knees turned to jelly

WOODMOUSE49 Sun 18-Aug-19 21:40:00

Forgot next first line smile

There stood my friend Sally

crazyH Sun 18-Aug-19 21:41:09

There`s nothing I want on the telly
I need a good laugh to shake my belly
There`s a knock on the door
Scared me to my core
I'd rather watch a blank telly.

Come on GNs let's have a ball

Jangran99 Sun 18-Aug-19 23:50:48

There stood my friend Sally
We met when we went to ballet

callgirl1 Sun 18-Aug-19 23:57:45

There stood my friend Sally
We met when we went to ballet
We stood on tiptoe

FarNorth Mon 19-Aug-19 01:55:00

There stood my friend Sally
We met when we went to ballet
We stood on tiptoe
And felt all a-glow

WOODMOUSE49 Mon 19-Aug-19 02:04:55

There stood my friend Sally
We met when we went to ballet
We stood on tiptoe
And felt all a-glow
Because someone had throw us a bouquet.

It will soon be Edwards's birthday

lovebeigecardigans1955 Mon 19-Aug-19 11:39:49

It will soon be Edward's birthday
Let's all put in, how much you say?

henetha Mon 19-Aug-19 11:52:33

It will soon be Edward's birthday
Let's all put in, how much you say?
I'll donate fifty pence

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 11:55:57

It will soon be Edward's birthday
Let's all put in, how much you say?
I'll donate fifty pence
And me too, if that makes sense

WOODMOUSE49 Mon 19-Aug-19 12:30:54

It will soon be Edward's birthday
Let's all put in, how much you say?
I'll donate fifty pence
And me too, if that makes sense
Let's treat him to an 'eat all you can buffet'.

So they all stuffed themselves to bursting.

FarNorth Mon 19-Aug-19 12:43:34

So they all stuffed themselves to bursting.
Especially Ed's daughter Kirsten

Squiffy Mon 19-Aug-19 13:02:07

So they all stuffed themselves to bursting.
Especially Ed's daughter Kirsten
Full of food and regrets

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 15:22:58

So they all stuffed themselves to bursting.
Especially Ed's daughter Kirsten
Full of food and regrets
She pulled up her fishnets

Elrel Mon 19-Aug-19 15:29:36

So they all stuffed themselves to bursting.
Especially Ed's daughter Kirsten
Full of food and regrets
She pulled up her fishnets
And at Slimming World was the first in!

There once was a gran who posted

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 15:32:01

There once was a gran who posted
I think she had truly 'lost it'

FarNorth Mon 19-Aug-19 15:36:07

There once was a gran who posted
I think she had truly 'lost it'
She'd flung out her bloke

Grannycool52 Mon 19-Aug-19 15:37:19

There once was a gran who posted
I think she had truly 'lost it'
She wrote 'My boy Cyril....

Grannycool52 Mon 19-Aug-19 15:37:52

Sorry Far North, you were first.

Grannycool52 Mon 19-Aug-19 15:48:14

There once was a gran who posted
I think she had truly lost it
She'd flung out her bloke
For drinking her Coke

lovebeigecardigans1955 Mon 19-Aug-19 15:53:41

There once was a gran who posted
I think she had truly lost it
She'd flung out her bloke
For drinking here Coke
Then, many a cocktail party she hosted.

A traffic cone appeared by her gate overnight

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 15:56:56

There once was a gran who posted
I think she had truly lost it
She'd flung out her bloke
For drinking her Coke
And now she's on her 'what's it'

She's desperate now to get him back

FarNorth Mon 19-Aug-19 16:17:28

She's desperate now to get him back
So says she will dress in scarlet and black

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 16:21:04

She's desperate now to get him back
So says she will dress in scarlet and black
I think that backfired

Jangran99 Mon 19-Aug-19 16:26:29

She's desperate now to get him back
So says she will dress in scarlet and black
I think that backfired
So then she hired

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 16:34:48

She's desperate now to get him back
So says she will dress in scarlet and black
I think that backfired
So then she hired
Eric, from the local 'rat pack'

This Eric, he does get about

FarNorth Mon 19-Aug-19 17:19:11

This Eric, he does get about
He says he'll give her guy a shout

Jangran99 Mon 19-Aug-19 21:09:41

This Eric, he does get about
He says he'll give her guy a shout
Tell him she regrets

WOODMOUSE49 Mon 19-Aug-19 21:18:35

This Eric, he does get about
He says he'll give her guy a shout
Tell him she regrets
And she'll wear her fishnets

Jangran99 Mon 19-Aug-19 21:30:25

This Eric, he does get about
He says he'll give her guy a shout
Tell him she regrets
And she'll wear her fishnets
The sight of her will knock him out

The nights are fair drawing in

callgirl1 Mon 19-Aug-19 21:45:14

The nights are fair drawing in
A good reason for a glass of neat gin

FarNorth Mon 19-Aug-19 21:47:37

The nights are fair drawing in
A good reason for a glass of neat gin
Or sherry or port

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 22:06:23

The nights are fair drawing in
A good reason for a glass of neat gin
Or sherry or port
For whisky I'll vote

callgirl1 Mon 19-Aug-19 22:18:18

The nights are fair drawing in
A good reason for a glass of neat gin
Or sherry or port
For whisky I`ll vote
To drink with my next of kin

My family have all come roiund

Grannycool52 Mon 19-Aug-19 22:46:01

My family have all come round
To see my Irish Wolfhound

crazyH Mon 19-Aug-19 22:49:49

My family have all come round
To see my Irish Wolfhound
I can see that they're wary

Squiffy Mon 19-Aug-19 22:54:29

My family have all come round
To see my Irish Wolfhound
I can see that they're wary
Because he looks scary

Jangran99 Mon 19-Aug-19 23:11:24

My family have all come round
To see my Irish Wolfhound
I can see that they're wary
Because he looks scary
He could floor them with one bound

I'd much rather have a little cat

MissAdventure Mon 19-Aug-19 23:21:28

I'd much rather have a little cat
It could sit on my little mat

Jangran99 Mon 19-Aug-19 23:24:42

I'd much rather have a little cat
It could sit on my little mat
It might catch a bird

WOODMOUSE49 Mon 19-Aug-19 23:41:12

I'd much rather have a little cat
It could sit on my little mat
It might catch a bird
Or two, or even a third

callgirl1 Tue 20-Aug-19 00:08:20

I`d much rather have a little cat
It could sit on my little mat
It might catch a bird
Or two, or even a third,
I`d prefer it if it caught a rat!

A grass snake lay in my yard one day

crazyH Tue 20-Aug-19 00:14:55

A grass snake lay in my yard one day
He was curled all cosy in a bale of hay

FarNorth Tue 20-Aug-19 00:34:05

A grass snake lay in my yard one day
He was curled all cosy in a bale of hay
So slim and green

Jangran99 Tue 20-Aug-19 08:54:08

A grass snake lay in my yard one day
He was curled all cosy in a bale of hay
So slim and green
With glossy sheen

crazyH Tue 20-Aug-19 09:23:36

A grass snake lay in my yard one day
He was curled all cosy in a bale of hay
So slim and green
With glossy sheen
But I'd rather keep him at bay.

The weeds are growin fast and thick

Jangran99 Tue 20-Aug-19 09:43:04

The weeds are growin fast and thick
Why don't my veggies grow as quick?

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 20-Aug-19 10:05:28

The weeds are growin' fast and thick
Why don't my veggies grow as quick?
I'm no Monty Don

FarNorth Tue 20-Aug-19 13:05:38

The weeds are growin' fast and thick
Why don't my veggies grow as quick?
I'm no Monty Don
I just muddle on

crazyH Tue 20-Aug-19 17:21:17

The weeds are growin' fast and thick
Why don't my veggies grow as quick?
I'm no Monty Don
I just muddle on
Dont neighbours' gardens make you sick?

My pots are thriving, nevertheless

Jangran99 Tue 20-Aug-19 18:56:06

My pots are thriving, nevertheless
They’ve lost their labels,so have to guess

WOODMOUSE49 Tue 20-Aug-19 20:37:37

My pots are thriving, nevertheless
They’ve lost their labels, so have to guess
This veg is long and prickly

crazyH Tue 20-Aug-19 22:00:14

My pots are thriving, nevertheless
They’ve lost their labels, so have to guess
This veg is long and prickly
Is it a cactus? Hmmm..that's tricky

WOODMOUSE49 Tue 20-Aug-19 22:16:40

My pots are thriving, nevertheless
They’ve lost their labels, so have to guess
This veg is long and prickly
Is it a cactus? Hmmm..that's tricky
I know what it is. A prickle pear. YES

Lots of beans for dinner tonight

Squiffy Tue 20-Aug-19 23:00:27

Lots of beans for dinner tonight
Caused diners a bit of a fright

FarNorth Tue 20-Aug-19 23:35:08

Lots of beans for dinner tonight
Caused diners a bit of a fright
Cordon bleu was their hope

callgirl1 Tue 20-Aug-19 23:40:48

Lots of beans for dinner tonight
Caused diners a bit of a fright
Cordon bleu was their hope
They weren`t to know the chef`s a dope,

WOODMOUSE49 Tue 20-Aug-19 23:47:31

Lots of beans for dinner tonight
Caused diners a bit of a fright
Cordon bleu was their hope
They weren't to know the chef's a dope,
His kitchen looked a disgraceful sight

My favourite drink is a brandy

crazyH Tue 20-Aug-19 23:55:38

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy

callgirl1 Wed 21-Aug-19 00:12:07

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy
It warms up my cockles

FarNorth Wed 21-Aug-19 00:21:00

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy
Less harm to my teeth

WOODMOUSE49 Wed 21-Aug-19 00:21:02

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy
A double is perfect

FarNorth Wed 21-Aug-19 00:22:04

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy
It warms up my cockles

FarNorth Wed 21-Aug-19 00:23:36

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy
It warms up my cockles
And winkles and grockles

WOODMOUSE49 Wed 21-Aug-19 00:24:27

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy
It warms up my cockles
But plays havoc with my knuckles

WOODMOUSE49 Wed 21-Aug-19 00:26:37

My favourite drink is a brandy
I prefer it to a bar of candy
It warms up my cockles
And winkles and grockles
But it making my legs all bandy

Better stick to soda and lime

FarNorth Wed 21-Aug-19 00:53:19

Better stick to soda and lime
And have a sensible time

Jangran99 Wed 21-Aug-19 00:55:20

Better stick to soda and lime
And have a sensible time
A nice fruity punch

BradfordLass72 Wed 21-Aug-19 03:52:19

Better stick to soda and lime
And have a sensible time
A nice fruity punch
Bit of 'whoopee' with lunch grin

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 21-Aug-19 08:21:30

Better stick to soda and lime
And have a sensible time
A nice fruity punch
Bit of 'whoopee' with lunch
What's more it won't cost a dime.

By gum, the cat's had a mad half hour

Jangran99 Wed 21-Aug-19 08:23:22

By gum, the cat's had a mad half hour
Jumped in the bowl, now covered in flour

FarNorth Wed 21-Aug-19 09:51:46

By gum, the cat's had a mad half hour
Jumped in the bowl, now covered in flour
Ran all over the shop

henetha Wed 21-Aug-19 12:05:36

By gum, the cat's had a mad half hour
Jumped in the bowl, now covered in flour
Ran all over the shop
Stole a pork chop

WOODMOUSE49 Wed 21-Aug-19 16:05:23

By gum, the cat's had a mad half hour
Jumped in the bowl, now covered in flour
Ran all over the shop
Stole a pork chop
Race outside but ran out of power

The manager caught him by the tail

WOODMOUSE49 Wed 21-Aug-19 16:06:05

By gum, the cat's had a mad half hour
Jumped in the bowl, now covered in flour
Ran all over the shop
Stole a pork chop
Raced outside but ran out of power

The manager caught him by the tail

FarNorth Wed 21-Aug-19 17:16:24

The manager caught him by the tail
That cat sure knows how to wail!

callgirl1 Wed 21-Aug-19 17:51:47

The manager caught him by the tail
That cat sure knows how to wail!
He could be heard down in Sheerness

WOODMOUSE49 Wed 21-Aug-19 18:07:02

The manager caught him by the tail
That cat sure knows how to wail!
He could be heard down in Sheerness
The cat broke free with success

Jangran99 Wed 21-Aug-19 18:33:22

The manager caught him by the tail
That cat sure knows how to wail!
He could be heard down in Sheerness
The cat broke free with success
Do you think he'll come back if I hail?

I really fear visiting the dentist

crazyH Wed 21-Aug-19 18:48:53

I really fear visiting the dentist
This man is really an extremist

Jangran99 Wed 21-Aug-19 18:51:08

I really fear visiting the dentist
This man is really an extremist
Terrifying drillings

Grannycool52 Wed 21-Aug-19 19:09:48

I really fear visiting the dentist
This man is really an extremist
Terrifying drilling
Very wonky fillings

crazyH Wed 21-Aug-19 19:20:14

I really fear visiting the dentist
This man is really an extremist
Terrifying drilling
Very wonky fillings
Assisted by a foul mouthed hygienist .

My cat's just brought me a present

Jangran99 Wed 21-Aug-19 20:30:55

My cat's just brought me a present
A dead prey is not very pleasant

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