Childminding the grandchildren

Hello, the issue of not seeing or spending time with parents of grandchildren unless it is at childminding times, is something i have coped with over the years of grand parenting. I now have six Grandchildren and am involved in regular weekly care of two of them. This takes up three days of my week. At times it seems that touching base with the parents of each young child is like ships passing in the night. At times I feel a bit undervalued, but generally i have come to terms with the fact that young parents lead very pressured and hectic lives and that at least they feel safe leaving their little one with me. I am fortunate that apart from one daughter who has recently moved ' a four hour drive away', the rest of the family live relatively close by. Occasionally we will plan a big family event , a barbecue or somebody's Birthday to celebrate together, this includes all the adults and grandchildren, so gets everyone together to catch up with each other. Outside of childcare times , I have taken up volunteering which always helps me meet other people and helps me to remember I have other talents and experiences to offer. Hope you find new ways of meeting other people and enrich your life.

I'm a grandparent to 5 of different ages ranging from 19 down to 9, I have always found that the Boys have been the easiest, maybe that is because I was a tomboy at heart and find girly things a bit of a bore. Even now when the is a greatgrandchild due soon, I still find it easier with the boys.

I know many grandparents who are so tied up with childminding that they have no time to themselves. I think it is OK to childmind but not full time. Many parents have well paid jobs and can easily afford at least part-time childminding. We have brought up our kids and dont want to start again

I love having my grandchildren but would not like to do it full-time.

It's not selfish to suggest that you need time for yourself now that you no longer have responsibility for your own children but I also feel for those grandparents who rarely get the chance to see their grandchildren and can understand why they'd like more time. I think the secret is to establish mutual expectations from the outset - based around the natural desire to be as supportive as possible while still maintaining a life of your own away from child-rearing.

I'm fortunate enough to work mainly from home and have already offered to look after my granddaughter for a few hours a week to help my DIL work. But neither her nor my son expect or want me to put my life on hold or assume that the grandparents' role is to be at their beck and call. Between the various grandparents - we've got a close but gloriously extended family - we'll all help. But the main responsibility for bringing up my granddaughter remains with her parents. Which is as it should be and how they want it.

I have my 4 n half yr old grandson 4 mornings a week, I have to get up before 6-00 and go round to my daughters (she has recently moved around the corner) she is a nurse and has to get to work before 7-00am...so hence I have to leave husband who is not always well..then look after grandson and take him to school, daughter picks him up most nights after school..but!! the early mornings since last September nearly put my lights out!! I was exhausted.and always said I didnt want to HAVE TO HAVE my granchild/children but to have him/them when "I" wanted to to and also of course for babysitting etc,but because of my daughters relationship with her partner which has now broken down, this is why I have to get up early and look after grandson which yes is lovely but not the same when you are "forced" into it..its ok people saying well get a childminder its not that easy, so no I too do not think you are being selfish...you need your own time as well as being a grandma.

We have one adorable granddaughter - almost 11 mths old. At one horrific time after a 20+ week scan, indications suggested she had a small head, various limbs were short etc etc. Her mum was thankfully totally reassured by a consultant in foeto- maternal medicine, and she was born a completely normal healthy baby. Fortunately we live close enough to see her regularly & often.
From the outset, I stated that no grandchild of mine would go to a nursery, to which her other Nanny totally agreed. This baby has generated so much love - my husband & I adore her and feel very much part of her life, as does her other Nanny. yes it can be tiring, but I do recall how involved my own mother was with our two sons, and it definitely had a positive effect on them as they were only ever looked after by either my mother - or my husband's parents. They have a respect and understanding of older people.
I realise we're lucky to live close enough to have this bond, and are enjoying every bit of it.

I do one and a half days a week plus babysitting when asked-I love it as the 2 youngest [4 and 2] are the only ones near enough for us to really share.I'd do whatever I was asked for any of them but they can make alternative arrangements if I am not available.

Hi Everyone

I work four days a week and look after my three grandchildren (all under 5) for two days every week (including one overnight). I have done this since the eldest was just a few weeks old. It's really hard work with three small children but I have to say the rewards are enormous. I hope they will remember these days as some of the happiest when they get older.

One small wish is that their parents would show a tiny amount of gratitude once in a while.

Did anyone else feel irritated by the census? It asked something like - "Do you care for a disabled or elderly person". It said nothing about childminding the junior members of the family and I care for mine for 40% of the working week. Surely that is just as valid for government planning?

Thank you for the rambling group suggestion - I will give it a go. I have joined a Buddhist meditation group - my version of the local church suggestion.

I adore looking after my grandchildren. I get frazzled, fraught, frustrated, furious........but I never could have anticipated the enormous joy and happiness it has given me. Falling in love at the age of 56 with my first grandson was totally overwhelming and unexpected and has altered my life immeasurably. Now I have another grandson and a grandaughter, and being able to look after, and play an important role in their lives, is well worth the sacrifice of all the plans I had previously considered for my retirement.

I have helped to care for all of my five grandchildren from being babies.Their ages range from 19 to 8.
For two years I had no contact with the oldest three after their parents(DS and his first wife) divorced, as she denied him contact with his children.This broke my heart as I had cared for them from being tiny babies.Happily this was resolved after a court case, and the children visited regularly again.
It made me realise never to take your grandchildren as granted, and never refuse to babysit.That is just my reaction.

My one regret is that my children married in their late thirties and then had children. I have five grandchildren, three of whom live 100miles away and we don't see enough of them and the other two are much younger and live locally......but I am over 70 with osteoartritis and I don't have the energy I once had and am unable to be as helpful as I would like. I do regt this modern trend of having children later in life it does make it more difficult for us! Perhaps I am the only one to feel this way.

No Gillt you are not the only one to feel this way. I had my first child at 22, my daughter married at 23 but decided against children. I had to wait for my son to marry and have children before I could be a Grandma, so I am now 65 and trying to keep up with an 18 month old.
My philosophy was have your children while young and then you have the rest of your life to do your own thing. Nowadays they seem to want to achieve all their dreams before becoming parents.

I childmind my 3 year old granddaughter for three days a week. My daughter works part-time. I was so pleased that she had started a family at last as she was 37 and was hoping time hadn't passed her by. She is nearly 40 now and is having another baby in the autumn. I shall be just as thrilled to help her in any way I can with the next one. Don't get me wrong, if for any reason I can't manage a day, she is usually able to organise a days holiday or "do a swap" with someone. Unfortunately the other grandma has Parkinsons and sadly is unable to help. I shall be 70 early next year so I am hoping looking after my family will help keep me fit. It certainly gives me some laughs most days.
My times for hobbies are mainly in an evening. Photography club, Scottish Country dancing, Square dancing. Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues are mainly for me and my husband to please ourselves. Of course I get called on for the odd "extra" sitting but if I can't I just say so. I find a good planning calendar is essential.

I have looked after my now six year old granddaughter since she was 11 months old, a year later her then 11 month old cousin joined us one day a week. I worked around all of this too. I now look after my granddaughter and her sister three days a week, my three grandsons now live interstate.

I spent a month in May looking after two of my grandsons in Qld while their mother was doing her student teachers placement, she would leave at 7am each day. I did the washing, cooked tea during the week, packed lunches, made lots of cakes with my grandsons, took the 5 year old to school and I cleaned. My elderly mother was also staying for ten days before flying back home and I had my 3 year old grandson to look after during the day. Before I went home my 3 year old grandson said to me, 'Grandma, I love you, don't go.'

My other 3 year old grandson who lives in the country asked me last time I was leaving after staying for two weeks if he could come with me. When I later spoke to him on the phone he said 'Grandma come home.' Last year my eldest daughter dropped me off to catch the bus to visit him in Victoria instead of driving myself the five hour drive and she said my grand daughters cried for a long time when I left on the bus.

I really miss the ones I am not with and would love a holiday on my own for a week and not do a thing for anybody, I am getting tired, but I am looking after my elderly mother now too. It's not forever, my grandchildren will get older, I won't have my mother much longer either.

Social Life??? Whats a social life ?

My social life (such as it is) fits in around the grandchildren and work. I have them 2 days and 1 overnight every week plus the odd weekend. Their parents both work and perhaps we are crazy but we just fit in around it all. I wouldnt have it any other way. My parents weren't really ones for babysitting and very rarely did which was a shame and I think looking back now they probably realise that the missed out. I want my grandchildren to always want to spend time with me.

Its work that wrecks my social life not childminding the grandchildren.

I do one and a half days a week with my grandsons and find that is just enough apart from odd evenings babysitting and occasional 'whole family' days out.Honestly I feel privileged to be able to do it.

She didn't ask if it was easier to look after granddaughters than grandsons . The question was whether it was easier to care for the children of adsughter than a son! And suspect that the answer is YES!

My eldest daughter lives 20 miles away..near enough to see her 3 (soon to be 4) children frequently but not close enough to be ''used'' at a moments notice.
She would certainly do this as she and her husband are so disorganised ...I occasionally get a phone call at 2.30pm asking if I can come over to pick the oldest 2 up from school ..as something is preventing her from going to school.
I adore the children but a 40+ round trip at a moments notice !!!
Our youngest daughter goes back to work in September and I have been asked if I will look after our 6 month old grandson for 2 days a week.
I am a full time carer for my husband and do find that he gets more ''needy'' when I am looking after any of the grandchildren at our house....instead of him enjoying the children he seems to resent the attention I give them (at no time neglecting him or his needs).
I am exhausted after looking after babies/children and my husband but I don't want to say no to V as I will enjoy the contact with my GS and I have given up so much looking after Hubby that I fear that I too will become almost housebound.
Isn't it hard to strike a balance between seeing our adorable GC and feeling tied and exhausted by them.
My doctor thinks my 3 daughters should be helping me to look after their father !!!!!!

I don't think it works the other way round, Mum will always be Mum and manage to juggle all the care whereas the younger generation really need the help. Doctor must be of the old school.

I think you are right Harrigran..Mum always has and always will cope ...no matter what is thrown at her.
Our Doctor is actually young but sees how exhausted I have been recently. A recent kidney infection hasn't helped......just need to get some energy from somewhere !!!

I know what you mean, Grumpyoldwoman! We always manage to get the energy from somewhere, and would do anything to make life easier for our families. With all due respect to the 'lads' who might read this, it can be hard for men in a family to understand how a mum feels. There's a very true saying: 'If they get cut, we bleed'. I think most mothers must feel this way.

After reading my way through this whole thread, I`m starting to wonder if I`m being incredibly selfish by getting paid to look after my grandson? I`ve looked after 4 others of my grandchildren, 2 of them (brother and sister) from babyhood till they started secondary school, 2 (brothers) for a short time as toddler and baby, and this time since the age of 8 months, hes now just turned 3. I absolutely adore having him here, but the money (£1 per hour) gives me a little more financial independance, and also helps me save better for holidays. And it would cost them a heck of a lot more for an official childminder.