Long-distance grand-parenting

I'm another long-distance granny too. Three grandchildren in the USA. I don't know what I would do without Skype but also Facebook. Both help me to keep up with the day to day stuff but the most important thing is that the grandchildren all recognise me and know exactly who I am (which was one thing I was worried about). My daughter Skypes me about 3 times a week. I also watch the children unwrap various presents we send on Skype. I also read to them online and play silly games too. We manage a visit at least once a year but it's the hugs I miss!!!!

My youngest daughter lives in Australia and gave birth to her first child in January 2010. Her mother in law, who lives in Australia, went stayed with them for 2 weeks from about 3 weeks after the birth. My daughter was very grateful for the help and advice she gave.
We flew there when our granddaughter was 3 months old and stayed with them for a month. We all had such a great time. Now we skype every week, at least once. She is now 16 months and smiles when she sees us and waves. She is just starting to talk and will says nana and grandpa. We have taught her to blow kisses and a few other things when we see her on Skype, its brilliant for keeping in touch. I am so looking forward to next month when she is coming on a visit to England!

I have two grandsons in New Zealand and have just returned from a visit there. My daughter married a Kiwi and the family went to live there when the boys were aged 4 and 2 years old. Before they went to NZ they lived about 65 miles away and I was still working so did not see enough of them even then and only bonded with the older one.However I was able to be there only hours after their births and able to go and help look after the older one when the second was born. The boys are now 16 and 14 and I try to get over to see them at least every other year. Its a long journey but well worth it - and the expense, to see them growing up and maturing into young men. Hopefully soon they will be able to come to visit me.
The boys are very busy with their own lives so I don't hear from them much, although do try to talk to them when I'm on the phone to my daughter. Unfortunately they cannot get broadband where they live so Skyping is not an option. Even so we are still close and they always seem to look forward to my visits. It has been hard though seeing other grandparents with their grandchildren when mine are so far away.

My first grandchildren were twins and the exhausted, overwhelmed parents were glad to have my help from the delivery suite onwards. It is so different to having a single baby, I didn't appreciate it myself 'till they arrived - go as soon as you can, but be prepared for the sheer graft - and the sheer joy!

I think you should be flattered that she wants you there, and as someone said it is for practical help as she will need it, even if it is to keep the house tidy and do the washing look how much that will help her bond with her twins if she does not have to worry about all that practical stuff. She is probably frightened of the prospect of having twins and coping, the first few weeks with you there will help her. Go Go Go.
My grandson lives about 250 miles away and his other granny about 20 minutes away but she gets to see him when they pop in or she looks after him when my daughter goes to the doctor etc. We get him for long week ends when they come to stay or we go there, so we get the waking up, the bath and going to bed I just ensure that it is quality time and only 19 months he cried wen we left last time. He and his mum are coming on Sunday for a few days and I can't wait, I just enjoy every minute I get with him.

my first post,so hi,
i have two grandsons in New Zealand..also Jetsetter..i wish i could do that journey every year!
my family lived here until the older boy was 6 and the younger 18months...i was lucky that they came over for christmas, what joy! skype is such a wonderful thing too! i think about them every day, and i do get so sad that i am not in their lives they have a Kiwi nanny..but she has lots of other grandchildren..where as mine are my only ones!
for the birth of the first, she had her mum around ...and the second was born here...but didnt want any help, only off my son! in fact i was only invited down south to see the baby when he was 2 months old...so if my daughter or DIL asked me to go...i'd be there like a shot!
good luck Jane and enjoy it! what an experience for you, even tho you might be worn out!

Hi all you Grans, I've just joined your 'club' this morning and am browsing the site. I will not have time to do this every day so thought I'd write something on this thread now. I agree Jane that you should go out to the states to help your daughter as she requested. I'm pleased to read that you have now made that decision. I can still remember being totally exhausted when my babies were about three weeks old when the sleep depravation really hits you, and I had mine one at a time NOT TWINS!! My little grandchildren live in Oz. and as others have said it is hard for us having them so far away but yes skype does help and the eldest (10) sends me little texts usually just saying 'Hi Gran luv U' We have been lucky enough to visit nearly every year and spoil them rotten!!! Not so easy now that we are both pensioners and the flights have become very expensive. I was devastated when, six years ago, our son and daughter-in-law told us they were emigrating but it's the best thing they could have done for their children. They have a wonderful life and I can honestly say, much as I miss them terribly, I hope that they never consider returning to the U.K. to live.
Anyhow Jane sorry I've gone on a bit. I hope everything goes well and enjoy your babies while you can.

I'd go as soon as they were born. If the twins are your daughters first babies, she and her husband are going to be completely shell-shocked and need all the help they can get.

I think the first few weeks are the worst.

Be guided by your daughter and son-in -law as to what help they need and just be available as an extra pair of hands to help with feeding, changing, burping, etc, etc!!

Don't give advice unless asked and don't out stay your welcome.

Enjoy the babies.

Let's know how you get on.

Hi
I have joined Gransnet today. I have a 2 year old grandson in Spain - not quite the same distance as Australia, so I am able to visit quite regularly. When my daughter went into labour, she rang me and I dropped everything in my haste to get a flight out to Barcelona and managed to get the flight, travel up country for an hour and had my first cuddle at aged 45 minutes - worth every pound!!
Although I can visit quite regularly - about every 2 months - its hard when I hear my daughter having a hard time or she just needs some support from her Mum. Skype is a blessing, but not the same as the real thing.

My son lives in Cambodia.....................no children yet.............but he's hoping - so another foreign trip on the cards.

Jane.

I live in France and my elder daughter lives with her husband in England.

At the begining of March she gave birth prematurely to twins, a girl and a boy. We went over almost two weeks after the birth as the babies were in Special Care and we could only look at them and not touch just the parents could hold.

We did lots of last minute shopping for them, collected parcels, met delivery men and generally made things easier for when they brought the babies home.

We stayed for a month and after her husband went back to work we were able to help her at home with the babies and get to know them a little before we came home.

Of course the distance isn't so far, 10 hours door to door for us, but we still can only keep in touch via phone, e-mail, Skype etc. I look forward to the next visit.

My daughter has twins and needed all the help she could get! i spent time with her while she was still in hospital recovering from a C-section, came home for a bit when she came home and dad had his patrenity leave and then went back.Realise that you cannot do this because of the distance but go - with twins she will really need you. She will be fully occupied with the babies and anything you can do in the house will be appreciated. A contribution that was especially valued was taking the twins out for a walk after the 6 am feed so mum could have a lie in! This was a precious time for me. I am sure even very young babies know grandparents are special even if they don't see them often, perhaps because they sense the special relationship we have with their parents. Distance doesn't stop love!!
Enjoy!

My daughter lives in Hampshire and we live in Cheshire. We have 1 grandaughter and another due shortly. We try to visit once a month but it is not enough as for 2 years they lived in the same road as us and we saw them almost daily. We really miss that and are considering moving to Hampshire. Has anybody else moved to be near thir family? We would miss our friends tremendously, but the bond with family is greater. People have told me that we would be foolish to move as the family may not stay there for ever, and that it would be difficult to make new friends in a new area now that we are older. We would like to hear your experiences if you have had a similar dilemma.

This has made very interesting reading for me and all I can say is I'm full of admiration for you all. The effort you all put into keeping a good relationship alive with your children and grandchildren is fantastic and what globetrotters you are!

Jane - we are just back from a week with our son, DIL and our two grandchildren in the States. When grand-daughter was born 6 years ago I was still working and flew over the day of birth with our younger son - he offered to come to carry my bag! - as we drove to Heathrow we got the call to say she had been safely born, had an upgrade on BA and I was so excited I said to the stewardess 'please thank the Captain, its made the day more wonderful' - and she came back a few minutes later with a bottle of Champagne which we later shared with my son. I was able to meet the new baby when she was only a few hours old and saw her then for a couple of days, and together with younger son we held it all together for my son at home.

DILs parents only live a few miles away, so I had imagined that MIL would be of some useful help but it didn't seem to work out like that. So when next baby was due three years later I thought a lot about it and then e mailed my son and asked if I could go over to be the housekeeper/nanny for a while after the birth, but didn't want to step on toes etc etc so he and DIL could think about it. About two minutes after sending the e mail, phone rang, and it was him - DIL had been asking if he thought they could ask me to go apparently, and would I stay for a few weeks.... So three years ago I went a couple of days before scheduled birth date, got sorted with car, school run etc, and stayed for about three or four weeks. Caesarian birth again so I felt I was useful, lifting, cooking, washing, driving - my DIL still laughs and says she never drank as many cups of tea. It was a wonderful time - I made a big point of 'going to my room' quite a bit to give them space - used to spend later evenings on my laptop and had to have an extra case to bring home all the things I ordered online. Her mother used to come and visit - turn on the TV, get waited on hand and foot, watch the laundry going in and out etc etc, and didn't seem at all put out that I was there.

If she has asked you to be there, then go asap - and you can always offer to 'stay down the road' - a friend of mine did that with her son and dil in NZ and that worked for them.

I am a very new grandmother. My son and daughter in law live in New Zealand and have just had their first baby. They have come back for the first visit since they went there 18 months ago. I have missed my son so much it has made me miserable, now I have met my beautiful 6 weeks old baby granddaughter and fallen in love with her. They go back in a couple of weeks and I am dreading the pain of missing them. We do try skype but my son is not the best at communicating and I am afraid that I won't see my grandaughter's development. I can't go over there at the moment because I am still working and can't get enough time off in one go to make it worth while.
Someone said on this forum that it is hard work keeping the relationship going and I can believe it! I feel inclined to not try rather than hoping every week to hear from them and not hearing from them!!! email and skype can be good but it is reliant on the person on the other end!!
luckily my daughter is also expecting in 2012 so I can at least be a proper grandma to her child!