Hello all, am hoping for some advice here from grandparents!
We have a 4 month old DD. I am learning to deal with both sets of new GP's in a different setting than before grandchildren!. My own parents are fine generally, partly because I am able to talk to them and tell what's what which they are great about.
The concern I have is my inlaws, and have a feeling I may have overstepped the mark this weekend. My inlaws are lovely and in the last 4 years I have been with DH they have been fine and very welcoming. They can however be a little touchy so both DH and myself do have to tread carefully at times. i went away this weekend on hen do which was not an easy thing to do, leaving DD. PIL came to support DH which was a great (only the third weekend they have seen DD but not the first time they have looked after her for half a day whilst we went out) and I left them to it, not leaving lists of instructions like I know friends have done (apart from some general ones like please don't walk down the narrow lanes due to fast drivers etc etc) - was pleased they were going to have time together.
I received a text from MIL on sat saying what a wonderful time she was having (pleased!), that I should not feel remotely guilty for leaving DD (which I promtly did for the rest of my time away!) and that she had taken her for a walk to the hairdressers down the road (neither of us have been there for 2 years since our wedding!) to say hello and show DD off. She said that the lady at salon offered my DD a baby massage with oils etc and MIL gladly accepted and proceded to have a wonderful time and how much DD enjoyed it.
Now this upset me. Partly as I was the one wanting to do baby massage and introduce DD to these things (selfish i accept), and partly as I think she should have asked DH or me before accepting for various reasons, parental consent, were we happy for her to do this, did DD have any problems that she should be aware of etc etc. I'm also slightly upset at the salon for doing this without any planning or parental consent. I've also been told massage on young babies should only be with neutral oils like sunflower oil etc rather than essential oils so bit pissed off.
DH knew I would be upset as soon as he found out and having talked to me (in tears) while I was away, he had a word with his parents, not exactly sure what he said to be honest only that she had upset me and that they really should ask etc. When I got back yesterday they were rather frosty to me and FIL could barely say hello - they left after lunch yesterday.
Now was I out or order in getting upset, am I expecting to much?, is this the type of thing that grandparents would expect to be able to do without asking? and how to do you about setting boundaries without upsetting GP's? (objective being for them to build a good relationship!)
Thanks for advice................
nutellafan Mon 09-May-11 13:18:03
superdupergran Mon 09-May-11 14:12:04
hairfullofsnakes Mon 09-May-11 14:25:27
GrannyAsNanny Mon 09-May-11 14:55:16
superdupergran Mon 09-May-11 17:31:27
outnumbered Mon 09-May-11 17:59:03
GrannyAsNanny Mon 09-May-11 18:17:37
GrannyAsNanny Mon 09-May-11 18:21:36
superdupergran Mon 09-May-11 18:34:50
gingerbread Mon 09-May-11 19:01:51
jangly Mon 09-May-11 19:18:24
GrannyAsNanny Mon 09-May-11 19:19:03
jangly Mon 09-May-11 19:19:48
babyjack Mon 09-May-11 23:11:18
KittyVentura Wed 11-May-11 00:02:16
Supernan Wed 11-May-11 08:52:23
Lin Sun 05-Jun-11 18:42:01