Gransnet forums



(3 Posts)
inbetween Thu 19-May-11 11:36:21

So i was just wondering as of course you all had babies.
Do you find that stuff your inlaws used to do that would annoy you silly now? But even knowing how annoying it was to you still repeating this over onto your children?

I only ask as im not a gran/nan for the moment, but i find that a certain set on grandparents always want me and my partner to do things exactly how they did but then we are ment with much anger for not wanting to be at theirs much for constant underminding and liying.

Joan Thu 19-May-11 11:59:20

It takes a lot of effort not to interfere with your adult children's lives, but you have to grit your teeth and be non-judgmental or you'll lose them, in that you'll find they never want to visit.

I've seen this happen in another branch of my own family - the Mother in Law is so cross and judgmental that her son and DIL avoid visiting as much as possible.

It is also very easy to find ourselves repeating our parents' behaviour, as this was imprinted on us all our lives. This is another area where we have to watch ourselves.

I just remember that I was young in the 60s, and I tell myself never to betray the spirit of that magic decade, by being an old misery guts. As for other relative giving you a hard time - feel free to avoid them.

janreb Tue 28-Jun-11 18:06:55

My inlaws hated me from the first time we met and 40 years on we still have problems from time to time. After all this time you'd think they'd give up, but no, they still try to cause as much trouble as possible. They never had much of a relationship with any of our children (when my third child was born the MIL just said "not another one" and put the phone down) and we moved away from the area.
So I have always been very careful to accept my daughters' partners - they are their partners not mine - and to make them welcome. I really hope I never find myself doing anything my in laws did!!