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Grandparenting

Is it just me?

(12 Posts)
gillybob Mon 06-Jun-11 14:18:55

Serious help needed from all you highly experienced grannies, nanas and grandmas.

My DIL announced over the weeked that the "other" granny and grandpa (her parents) were booking a cruise for next spring and planning to take the oldest of their 3 children with them. The children will be 5,4 and 2 at the time. the oldest 2 (girls) are so close they are virtually like twins. They love each others company and play lovely together. I am so upset to think that they could consider taking one of the girls without the other. They would be devestated to be apart for 2 weeks and the younger of them would wonder why she had been left behind. Is it just me who thinks that this is so cruel and heartless? This has got me so upset.

I want to speak with my son about it but dont want to cause a family feud. The DIL can't see a problem and said to me yesterday that it was up to her parents who they choose to take !

GrannyTunnocks Mon 06-Jun-11 15:16:27

Perhaps they can only afford to take one child and the others will get a chance another time. Or they feel they can only cope with one at a time.

nanafrancis Mon 06-Jun-11 15:38:17

No, it isn't just you. It is hard on the one left out - perhaps you could step in and do something with her to make up for it?
I can't imagine what a child is going to get out of a cruise at that age. Let's hope she misses her playmate and gives them a harder time than they are expecting wink

HildaW Mon 06-Jun-11 17:51:43

Gillybob....being the Mum in law in this will always put you in a difficult position....you wont be able to do right for doing wrong!

As children we got split up from each other when spending time with our maternal Grandma and we actually really enjoyed the change....having more attention from parents etc.
On the other hand I'm with Nanafrancis on this too because we were only spending time at Grandma's house. I have often wondered what young children actually get from these exotic holidays. We always just rented houses in different parts of the country for my children and 'going wild' for a couple of weeks seemed to be adventure enough.
Another thing that did occur to me was that as mentioned in some of the other threads, caring for Grandchildren is always double the worry, so seeing it from that point I can almost understand them only wanting the one to worry about, on holiday, on a big boat...yea gods rather them than me!

twizzle Mon 06-Jun-11 17:58:16

gillybob - would it be possible for you to have the two (who are not 'chosen' to go on the holiday) to stay with you?

HildaW Mon 06-Jun-11 18:02:25

Great idea Twizzle!

harrigran Mon 06-Jun-11 22:36:49

Why would anyone want to take a single child away from parents and siblings ? I would not dream of parting my two granddaughters.If it is a case of cost then take none. We always go away as an entire family.

crimson Mon 06-Jun-11 23:31:15

Why do they want to take a 5 year old with them..surely it means that they will have to go to bed really early each night when she gets tired? Won't the child get bored? I know it's awful of me to say this, but I'm an 'only granny' and I can't imagine having to cope with other peoples ideas of what is suitable for my grandchildren. If you want a family holiday, I would have thought that renting a nice cottage by the sea for the whole family would be better.

MollyMurphy Tue 07-Jun-11 03:25:52

Well, I don't think its cruel and heartless per se - that is strong language to put on it. it wouldn't be my choice necessarily but perhaps those grandparents feel they can only cope with one, or perhaps they feel only the oldest will get anything from it. I'm sure their parents will do something special with the kids left behind and I would guess the other grands will do something special and alone with each child in time.

I wouldn't interfere about it - its up to the parents and obviously they don't have a problem with it.

Perhaps just offer to do something special with the other kids so they have something to be excited about too.

baggythecrust! Tue 07-Jun-11 06:27:21

I was one of five siblings. When I was four-years-old (the year my mother's fourth baby arrived), I had a visit by myself with my aunt and another with my gran. Obviously I was away from the brother I was closest to. He would have been five. Don't think it did me or him a scrap of harm. The next year he had a holiday away on his own with my dad. I'm sure the younger kids had similar 'treats'. Children don't have to be treated 'the same' to know that they are equally loved.

HappyNanna Tue 07-Jun-11 16:29:23

Can't understand it myself, however one must respect other peoples point of view. Personally, the only time we have separated our two younger granddaughters for a treat was when we took the older one to a pantomime when the younger one was a baby. We take them both on a caravan holiday every year (they are now aged 11 & 7) which they love, and we have never had a problem. They would be devasted it we separated them. Having said that, the older one is going on a school trip soon and will be away from home for 5 days - but I think that's a different situation. Also, having been on several cruises, I would not like to take 3 young children on a cruise.

gillybob Wed 08-Jun-11 13:35:35

GrannyTunnocks. If I really believed it was a money thing I could accept the situation but believe you me, its nothing about money.

Twizzle. I could have the others for a day or two (I already have them all two/three days a week with one overnight) this is not the problem but what about when the odest one is talking about going away on the big ship with granny (getting excited)and the middle one asks why she can't go too?

Harrigan and Happynana Thank goodness someone thinks like me. I wouldnt dream of separating them either as they are so close. They would fret to be apart for so long. They are so close in age that they are like twins and whenever we take them on outings or trips its always both or neither.

Crimson and everyone. personally I cant see why anyone would want to take a 5 year old on a long haul cruise anyway but thats just me (and I promise I'm not jealous) I just wish I had the money it would cost and we could take them all somewhere closer to home.