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Treading carefully........... ...

(8 Posts)
jogginggirl Fri 29-Jul-11 09:17:09

I am picking my 3 and a half year old grand-daughter up for lunch later today. I will return her home later and probably spend some time playing with her at home. Nothing unusual there, I have seen lots of her since she was born and we have a lovely relationship. The difference is that her mummy and daddy have recently separated (my son is her daddy). This will be the first visit to 'their' house but in the knowledge that he and all 'his stuff' won't be there. The house is now my d-i-l's space - I want to respect that but it feels a bit weird. My relationship with my d-i-l has mostly been OK but I have always had to be careful with "what I said" - she is easily offended and has very firm views on most things. I just don't want to put my foot in it. She is very keen for us to continue to have a close and loving relationship with our grand-daughter so I don't want to do anything to upset that. I'm not an outspoken or confrontational type - quite the opposite but I am aware that this is a very sensitive situation. Any hints?

Heather Fri 29-Jul-11 10:19:46

it doesn't sound as though you need reminding but ... if you can't say something 'nice' (yuk, strongly dislike that word!), don't say anything at all.

have a great time with your grand-daughter - she's the same age as mine so I know how brilliant she is already!

Seagran Fri 29-Jul-11 10:33:36

Hard to do, but just try to act as normally as you would have done in the past. Its a good sign that your d-i-l wants your relationship with your grand-daughter to continue and it is vital for your grand-daughter to have the continuity of seeing you on a regular and normal basis. Keep smiling and try to say something positive as Heather said! good luck

glassortwo Fri 29-Jul-11 10:57:52

Just act as if everything is normal and if DIL brings up the situtation I would just take a neutral stand and refuse to be draw in, "least said soonest mended".
Its a good sign that DIL see's the need to continue the relationship between you and your Granddaughter, enjoy your time together.

absentgrana Fri 29-Jul-11 11:54:33

Talking about daddy (i.e. your son) could be tricky, but I would suggest that it is quite important that you chat about him in your normal way if the subject comes up – which it inevitably will one of these days. Try to avoid any awkward silences and don't ignore any comments or observations she (granddaughter) may make about him as this will confuse her. It's good that your daughter-in-law wants to foster her daughter's relationship with you. Good luck and have a lovely time.

jackyann Fri 29-Jul-11 15:19:47

Although I think it is only correct behaviour, it is good of your d-i-l, shows she is doing her best (maybe one of the things she has strong opinions about!) and you might get a chance at one of the visits to say how much you appreciate it.

jogginggirl Fri 29-Jul-11 18:43:52

It was great - same as always. There is no real animosity between my son and d-i-l - so we are able to talk about all members of the family without worry. My grand-daughter stays with her daddy twice a week and is on the phone to him every day. She just thinks Daddy lives in a different house now, but as she has a room and some of her stuff there, she is happy. She wanted to call him today to tell him what we were doing, bless her. I guess, given the separation, which was more or less a joint decision, we are lucky. When I hear/read of the difficulties other people have then I thank my lucky stars. My d-i-l told me, just before I left, how much my gd loves being with me......that was really nice to hear.
It was weird though, she has made changes around the house - claiming her space I guess, it looked nice..............and yes, I did tell her so smile
Thanks for support gransnetters - always appreciated smile

bikergran Fri 29-Jul-11 21:12:51

jogginggirl you sound like you handled the situation very well..! it is hard not to critisise the other party..especialy when it is your son, hope your visits continue with