Gracesmum I can see exactly what you mean. i don't think it is a gran thing, I think it is a woman thing. Running around caring for others has almost defined the lives of many older women. It is still the case that working mothers do more than their fair share.
I remember being at a bbq a few years ago at my son's. The men were doing their thing, playing with fire, annoying the neighbours with the smoke, burning the meat etc
3 other women there - all educated women in their 30s . What a display of eager domesticity! Just how many desserts did we need for a dozen of us??? It was great, cos I could sit there with my feet up while they elbowed each other aside in the kitchen.
Even those of us who grew up with feminism and take pride in not being wonderful housewives, are probably still pretty domesticated in some respects... I am a self confessed messy so-and-so but still, when DIL recovering from giving birth for instance, cleaning her kitchen, doing the washing etc
Trouble is that sometimes there seems to be no balance between meeting the needs of children and grandchildren and looking after ourselves. If not ourselves we all know people...
What I think is :You can't look after others, unless you are looking after yourself.