Supergran?

Like most granparents both myself and my husband do far too much for our family, espcially grandchildren - but we wouldn't have it any other way. I love them to bits and spend as much time as possible with them which is not always easy as we still both work. My own grandparents were virtually non-existent and really didn't want to know so I don't want my grandchildren to feel that way.

Gracesmum I can see exactly what you mean. i don't think it is a gran thing, I think it is a woman thing. Running around caring for others has almost defined the lives of many older women. It is still the case that working mothers do more than their fair share.
I remember being at a bbq a few years ago at my son's. The men were doing their thing, playing with fire, annoying the neighbours with the smoke, burning the meat etc
3 other women there - all educated women in their 30s . What a display of eager domesticity! Just how many desserts did we need for a dozen of us??? It was great, cos I could sit there with my feet up while they elbowed each other aside in the kitchen.
Even those of us who grew up with feminism and take pride in not being wonderful housewives, are probably still pretty domesticated in some respects... I am a self confessed messy so-and-so but still, when DIL recovering from giving birth for instance, cleaning her kitchen, doing the washing etc
Trouble is that sometimes there seems to be no balance between meeting the needs of children and grandchildren and looking after ourselves. If not ourselves we all know people...
What I think is :You can't look after others, unless you are looking after yourself.

Poor Santa!

Numberplease, I think I detect a possible recipient of the apron mentioned in another thread..........certainly this lady gives female dogs a bad name. What a .....! on your behalf!

Not as posh as Hyacinth, Johanna!

That's it, numberplease.
From now on this woman will be known as Hyacinth Bucket!!!!!!!!
She is, isn't she?

Have been away so have just seen this. gracesmum, it's not what we can do it's the love we give, the songs we sing , the smiles the hugs jokes or whatever it is that makes us all individual and unique to our Grandchildren. Whatever works, we all give something.

numberplease, this must be a miserable and embittered old woman if all she can do is bitch at you. You are doing something for your GS that money can't buy. You are giving him your care and your love which she doesn't know the meaning of.

We just try to avoid her if possible. At the funeral of her husband, she thanked us for coming, called us Mr and Mrs xxxxxxx, yet we`ve known each other for over 20 years, so I pointed this out to her and said why didn`t she call us by our first names, as we do her, the reply was, "But I was brought up properly, to be polite to others!"

How dare she, numberplease. She's clearly lacking in the kindness you have in spades!

Don't you just wish you had a headful of ready retorts for such occasions numberplease! Maybe it's a good job we don't because it would be so tempting to reply to the £1 an hour comment 'how interesting that you want me to know this. Has it helped you to feel any better about yourself?' Then, you could smile sweetly and walk off to the sound of her spluttering........ But as we're not small-minded like her, we're above all that, aren't we?

She sees in you, numberplease, what she would like to be, but she knows she hasn't got what it takes. She only has money. You have the wealth of love and the giving of your time and patience.

numberplease - oh, what a horror!! She doesn't matter - thankfully the wee lad's got you. And anyway, why shouldn't she give a bit of her cash to help with the care of the wee boy, if it's going to help his mum and dad a bit? She sounds quite spiteful - don't let her bother you.

Sorry to sound uncharitable, Greenmossgiel, but she doesn`t worry about me in the slightest, she`s a very strange woman, her husband, who died a few months ago, bless him, was a lovely, lovely man, who deserved much better than her. She stopped me in town a few weeks ago, to complain that her daughter and my son don`t visit very often with the little `un, when I know for a fact that my son regularly takes him round there after picking him up from here. Then she proceeded to inform me that it was her who paid my little wage for looking after him, just £1 an hour, gives me a little money of my own, but she made me feel SO small!!!!

numberplease, even though your little grandson's other grandma lavishes presents etc on him it's your input into his life that he'll remember when he's older. She'll be glad that you can do what you do for him because she's not so able and probably worries that you think she doesn't do enough!

I don't know if it's all about being a 'Supergran'. Maybe it's about leaving grandchildren with fond memories with all the little kindnesses we wish them to have - a legacy of sorts - of who and what we are / were as grandmothers/g-fathers

Because my grandchildren live abroad, I tend to think of myself as a 'virtual' grandma - and at times I feel quite semi-detached. absentgrana - you hit the nail on the head for me when you mentioned having a starting point of high expectations, and I really do hope that my relationship with the little ones will develop as the years go by.

Not having had any grandparents around in my childhood, I really want my grandchildren to know who we are, and how we live our lives. Every year I unashamedly send a calendar full of picture of our lives here - what we do and where we live, from chopping wood, working in the garden, cooking, and generally being silly in hats etc. I want them to have a record of us and to get to know us as well as possible.

I can't be hand's on, so have had to find another way of being in their lives.

Hope it works!

I like your description of your mum, seasider. It's the little things that count, isn't it?

My grandparents all died before I was born so do feel I missed out on those special relationships. I take my lead from the way my mother was with my children. She never had much money but would always bring them a little treat such as sweets or crayons ( unlike the other grandparents who were well off!). My mum lived away but would come in school holidays to help with child care and always took the children for walks, drew pictures and did activities like baking. If mum was around when there were events at school she loved to come with me. When mum stayed in the holidays she would do my washing and make my tea ( what a bonus for a divorced mum working full time!). My children still have very fond memories of their grandma though she died some years ago and I hope my grandchildren will remember me as fondly in the future.

Would like to be a Super Gran, but was 38 when first GC born (in Germany BOAR) and 45 when last of the 3 was born, so working with a large mortgage. Was always available in an emergency and when third GC born I had second GC for a week as she was only 20 months old (I also had a wonderful boss who agreed to let me have a week off at short notice).

Am still working and oldest GC has just made me a GGM - trying to think of a title. Will not under any circumstances answer to Great Grandmother or anything like as my memories of my GGM are not fond. Anyway how can I possibly have a son who is a Grandfather!

We help when we can with things we are good at, but by the same token DS etc helps us when we need it.

We are fortunate to have a happy balance, my DS and family and the other grandma live in Yorkshire and we are in Berkshire. The other grandma has been a tower of strength on a day to day basis, particularly as our DiL and GD have had a string of minor medical problems. We cannot possibly do that from our distance but neither my son or his wife are practical DIY people and he has only just been made permanent in his job after 10 years of one and two year contracts, which has made them very careful with money, so when we visit we do practical things; my husband is in the process of updating the kitchen and I decorate and make curtains but mainly we just spend time with the GC playing with them, reading to them and enjoying their company.

DS's house tends to be chaotic but I would not dream of trying to do any housework or tidying. How they keep their house is none of my business unless it is indicative of other problems, which it isnt. Anyway with my son it would be a totally waste of time, he can untidy faster than anyone can tidy. The family are happy together, the children well-loved, well cared for and thriving. We give help when it is needed but I have no desire to be any kind of 'supergran', I have a life of my own.

With my first GD and her half brother I enjoyed a hands-on relationship. I was quite a young granny when she was born and was still working, so saw a lot of them at the weekends. If I was at home, she would drop in on her way home from school. She always loved to take over my kitchen and do some baking. Always a helpful child, she even came with me to deliver political leaflets during election campaigns. A visit to the cake counter in a local shop was a useful 'sweetener'
Their mum and DS split up when she was a baby and eventually he went to work on the Continent. It was vital that I kept the lines of communication open and she is now almost 20 and a valued member of his family (GD, 9 and GS 7). We are still very close; I take her out to lunch at least once a month when she can spare time from her University activities and part-time job as a waitress. Her brother is one of those rare young graduates now holding down a job.
My younger GC live in Hampshire and Oxfordshire, too far from Cheshire for me to be hands-on. I try to visit roughly monthly and have a great relationship with all four.

Sounds lovely, glam. What a nice family you have!

My DGCs are a big part of my life and I see or hear from them most day's the big one's I see in them passing through my DDs house and I now get a pat on the head(they are so tall) and a "how you doing nana have you done some cakes" the little ones drop in from school with DH if he has picked them up if DD at work so we have a lot of contact we realise we are very lucky.

I for one don't help out with the grandchildren so they love me or to be in denial about getting old. I suppose I do it because I think it helps and adds something to the quality of our family life. And I suppose it is satisfying to feel I can still contribute something useful. It wouldn't suit me to just sit about all day. One adult grandson has lived with me for the last six years since he was 16. It all works out okay and I still have time for friends and hobbies.

sorry the wrong their in there...lol