How bad do I feel!

My house, my rule is 'we don't behave like that in THIS house.' They all know and gradually learn that they have more freedom if they respect this rule.

I am very clumsy and often have accidents with glasses, I spilt white wine on Christmas eve and a water glass on Christmas day. When I was a child I was scolded and then smacked for each accident which made me more nervous so I had more accidents. A couple of weeks ago DH shouted at me because I tilted a plate on the tray I was carrying and I felt 7 years old again and promptly burst into tears, for a second or two I was a child again and became very distressed.

And what about a granny who spilt a full glass of red wine on DS and DiL's carpet, as I did, just after they had moved into their house? Accidents don't just happen. They are caused. And I admitted it. Nobody yelled at me. Luckily they were planning to do away with that carpet, but still...

A child of seven being clumsy, or is that careless, when knocking over a drink that had been put near for her to drink, is certainly old enough to be having a conversation about how she would feel if you knocked a drink over on her new dress, book, game, etc and perhaps let her know why you shouted. I know children of that age get very engrossed in what they are doing and 'forget' what was said two minutes ago, but I recall a conversation with a child of mine at that age when being told to replace a drink on the table where it had been picked up from, at the far side of the plate. The child replaced the cup at the edge of the table as so many of them do and seconds later elbowed it off the table. The childs sister was drenched in orange juice and they were both in tears. While I know all this upset was accidental it could have been avoided. I asked the child who had spilled the drink to replace the empty cup where I had already said it should be and repeat what he had done when the drink was spilled. When he realised that doing as asked would have left him with his orange to drink and his sister dry that was the last time that that particular accident ever occurred. Would it be an idea perhaps to tell this child that her drink is on the table and please to come and drink it so that she is only doing one thing at a time?

Good for you Grannyactivist !
Mind you - I think many of today's parents would think that was really cruel !
My daughter cannot handle anything like that - she would rather all her children did without if one was not allowed a choc due to bad behaviour. Its no wonder kids never learn.
These days children are not allowed to experience being upset,..from what I see anyway !

My house, my rules. I was visited by a friend and her two sons, aged 8 and 10, during the Christmas period. Both lovely boys, but the eight year old is testing boundaries and was a little unruly. I offered chocolates from the Christmas tin and then made further ones dependent upon good behaviour. The younger boy twice missed out on more chocolates before accepting that I meant what I said and adapted his behaviour accordingly.

My daughter has 4 children and although a good mother - she is quite sloppy in her attitude to tidyness and cleanliness and she doesn't teach her children to respect the furniture or belongings. SHe lets them charge around, jump on the sofa and knock things over and break things - and it drives me nuts !
When they are at our house I don't allow them to charge around - they can do that outside ! I also tell them to be careful of things - they KNOW the rules are different at my house.
I always hold my daughter responsible fo rtheir behaviour - so when 'accidents' happen I tend to nag at her !

Eating the chops – not the grown-ups.

No, delicate glass and porcelain – but I don't think I actually broke any of those. It was usually just flying teacups – I have always had arms like an ourang-utan. Btw my lovely aunt adored children and was never really mimsy primsy. One of my happiest memories is having lunch with her and my cousins – grown-ups in a different room – eating them with our fingers and then hurling the bones on to the open fire.

Did they have one of those wooden three-tier foldy up things to put cakes etc on? Always very spectacular when that collapsed / got knocked over...

When I was a child it was quite common to be invited for tea on a Sunday afternoon – complete with little sandwiches, fairy cakes and embroidered tablecloth. I, almost invariably, managed to knock over a teacup and stain the hand-embroidered tablecloth. (I even managed to do it when the child next door was christened.) I can recall one of my aunts saying to my mother that she would never invite that clumsy child to tea again. She certainly never meant it and I loved her devotedly until the day she died in 1997 and she is still an important figure in my life, my daughter's life and that of all who knew and loved her. I was just a very enthusiastic and boisterous child and always deeply sorry if I made a mess by accident. At least now, I have the hand-embroidered – and lovingly laundered – tablecloths that remind me of a deeply loved family member. A few cross words on one occasion cannot begin to cancel a lifetime of loving support.

I have carpet tiles now , with plenty of spares, so if I ever did get a bad stain I would simply replace the tile.

Nanapug - I am sure would have reacted like you. Then I would have hugged her and said sorry I shouted, but I did mind a bit about my new carpet. Then I would try not to beat myself up about it, as to my mind, natural and honest reactions are an important part of family life.

harri, I'm the same with wine-glasses. So much so that I now use a short tumbler glass for my wine.

Natural reaction, nanapug. The child has to learn about those. You can apologise if you think you over reacted. She is old enough to understand about immediate upsets that then calm down. I'm sure the experience will have done her no lasting harm.

I can empathise, I was a clumsy child and an even clumsier adult. I can't see a wine glass without knocking it over. I did it at lunch on Christmas eve and again on Christmas day. The more I worry about it the clumsier I get. I used to get into awful bother at home as a child and the more I was scolded the worse I got.

Spills are always easier to deal with if you can get to them quickly. My sister was visiting me once and spilt her coffee on my pale green carpet She put a foot stool over the stain so I didn't see it until she had gone home. I wouldn't have been annoyed had she told me at once, as accidents do happen, but I did wish she had been upfront about it. Another time, she turned on my washing machine whilst I was out at work, and I had put a red dress in, waiting for washing. My sister did not check and I ended up with a full load of pink whites. Even then, I would not have minded, but she took the offending (very expensive and ruined dres, which had a big white collar) and shoved it behind the cistern in the airing cupboard. I normally overlook anything she does, on the grounds that she is a bit 'scatty', but I did ask her why she did that, and she said because she thought I would be angry. I found it quite hard to make her see that concealing it was far more likely to make me annoyed (I don't get angry, it is usually a waste of emotional capital). She also defended herself on the grounds that she kept her dirty washing in a laundry basket, not in the machine, so she didn't think to check.
It was a very small kitchen, with no room for a laundry basket, but I would have had the common (uncommon?) sense to check whenever I was going to use a washing machine.
The ironic thing is that she told me exactly the same kind of thing about our mother, who had broken one of her ornaments and hid the pieces!

I wonder if our sitting room is a disaster waiting to happen as the sofas are off-white and the carpet is a light straw/beige colour. I do get angry at (adult) people with muddy shoes or worse coming in, but most people around here take their shoes off as a matter of course as it is the country, but we have a dog with big paws so prevention is better than cure!I try to remember to shut the door so that she can't come in when she has just been out in the garden for instance , but 1001 /Vanish is my stand by. I'd like to know the name of the Morrisons one crimson please?
As Littlest Fella is only 19 months we obviously keep all drinks out of reach, but I have kicked over a cup of hot chocolate, spilt tea and coffee and got away with it. The worst was apple juice as the sugar in that was hard to clear.
Good stain remover is essential as I like to keep things nice, but my mum was a bit paranoid and I dread sounding like her!!!

When I was staying at the S.O.'s flat I got a big blob of mascara on the bedroom curtains, but found this amazing stain remover they were selling in Morrisons that cleaned it straight off. In fact, there are some incredibly good stain removers on sale now. I find that I'm always on tenderhooks in other peoples homes because they are so clean and smart but no one bothers in my house because it's so old and 'lived in'. If I'm honest with myself it does annoy me a bit. I want a house that people feel comfortable in, but would like a bit of respect for it as well.

My own mother was extremely unfussed about belongings - we didn't have much anyway. I could never understand why other children got really frightened when they lost or broke something. On the other hand, I agree that respect for other people's things is important and if anything is borrowed it should be returned promptly and in good condition. I was quite annoyed when I asked my 18-year old grandson to return my camping-gaz stove and cartridge and he casually remarked that he had left it in the woods when he got drunk with his mates. His mother just offered to buy me a new one, which wasn't the point I wanted her to make. He has left several expensive bikes out in the rain to rust - perhaps it is a case of easy come, easy go, but someone had to work to pay for those bikes and it certainly wasn't him.

A handy spray bottle of 1001 or Vanish carpet cleaner is my solution - a greyhound with a lethal tail or a grandson (and frankly a DH who can be equally clumsy) and a beige carpet- well,it's a sort of insurance!
Years ago when my sister, BIL and their 3 children (8,7,6 ish) were to visit us in our first floor flat in Richmond, we had just got an off-white Indian carpet and I joked that the first person to spill anything on it would be leaving via the window - well, nephew, aged 8 knocked against a little table and his father's glass of beer went flying. We laughed but he was convinced I had meant it and was terrified.
I'm sorry - but things are only things and most carpets come Scotchguarded. I agree her Mum should perhaps have been more concerned, but I've done it myself (did this morning and just missed the Kindle with spilt tea)
No point in crying over spilt anything really!

nanapug: Don't worry. It's upsetting at the time for both parties. I'm exactly the same and once I've calmed down I explain why I feel cross. The worst thing that has happened was my GS spilt some nail varnish he found in my bedroom where he knew very well he shouldn't have been and of course it was red and of course the carpet was cream! This was about 18 months ago and using various preparations including 'white stuff' from Lakeland it's faded greatly to a murky cream. I'm sure we've all been shouted at when we were young - and survived the ordeal. I personally wouldn't try and put a name to it but take it as it is - an annoying incident.

nanapug Christmas can be such a stressful time and I'm sure you're tired and the 'telling off' was a reaction. Don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe you could help your DGD by getting her to play games that would help her coordination?
If the children are happy then their Mum is obviously doing a great job and it doesn't matter to her if her house is a mess.

I didnt mean to berate you, just to mention the possibility of dyspraxia as a reason for clumsiness.

Was your DIL with her at the time, because I think it would have been bad if she hadn't apologised about the accident and tried to clean up the mess etc? I feel terrible if I damage something in someone else's house.