My DH died four years ago after a two year fight. It is still painful and more so now the holiday period is approaching. We used to have a holiday home in Spain for many, many years and spent some wonderful times there with great memories, and we vowed we would semi-retire there. Sadly this was not to be and we sold it when my husband was diagnosed, as we could not afford the upkeep.
Two years ago to celebrate the important milestone birthday my daughter, we all went back and it was just fine, a bit emotional but wonderful to be back in our second home.
Last year I went with my younger daughter and her family for two weeks - in peak season, I did find it very hot and sticky as the apartment was very small, but I thought we had muddled along very well.
I have just found out that DD is going again this year, but I discovered it, I was not told, and I am feeling very upset. Primarily that my DD felt she had to hide it from me, and normally I would encourage all my DC to holiday with their partners and children, but this time I felt completely left out.
I went to a 3 city touring holiday last year with a singles holiday company, which was a lovely experience, but holidaying with strangers is very difficult for me, plus I look after my DD's two boys all year round, so any holidays I take impacts on her childcare considerably, and makes it awkward for me to do so when they are away, which is always peak time.
Am I wrong to feel so left out? Is this what it will be like in future now that I have no one to go on holiday with me, particularly to our favourite family place? or am I being dog in the manger? I know I am feeling very resentful that my daughter could not just tell me she was going, as I also know she and her husband maxed out on their credit cards to have their house done from top to bottom, so until I gave all of my DC some money recently, they would have been taking a holiday they can ill afford.
I feel I am being unfair to have these feelings of a mixture between resentment and loss at not being able to go to our place this year, also realising that holidays in future will have to be with total strangers, which I do not find easy.
This is one down side to being widowed I had not considered before, and it has taken me by surprise. What do you all think please?
Disappointed - present rejected
Lost its way - World Book Day
'Do' my feet - dream servant