First grandchild due - any advice welcome

That is lovely news - I am sure you are all delighted. A lots of joys ahead for everyone.

Advice? - remember you are grandma and not Mum!!!!
Only give advice when specifically asked; bite your tongue when these young folk do things differently (and sometimes strangely!; never let yourself drift into a competitive relationship with the "other" grandparents; try and hold back on too many presents; oh, and most important of all, enjoy! - just enjoy!

Just enjoy your precious time with your new grandchild

I didn't realise that you love them as much as you loved your own children, Nan's are special and very relevant people in family life

At first when my grandchildren called Nan I kind of thought, Nan.. who me!! its weird at first because I don't think anyone sees themselves as a Nan, but its amazing being a Nan.

Good luck

Thanks for replies.

I want to buy everything! I am thinking I'm helping. I keep saying "DD tell me what you want and we'll get it".

So hard because they are in central London and we are in Pennine villages.

It's mad I know but I keep thinking - she had no idea how hard this is going to be with no near family support.

Congratulations on being a granny-to-be. Your daughter will cope, hepzibar. Yes, she may wish for more local support but she will cope. If they have enough space offer to go and visit to help, not hinder (!) but don't be upset if they say no, they are fine. It's good advice to remember you are now one step back. Some of the current thinking on babies and toddlers is definitely different to the advice back in the day. My tack is to ask, 'so, tell me, what's the best way to..... these days', listen to the answer and do what the parents prefer. If, and only if, the parents perceive a problem and ask for advice offer some, otherwise keep your own counsel. Be prepared for the fear of baby led weaning if that is your daughter's choice. It's terrifyingly different, but babies - and grandparents - survive. The rush of love when meeting a grandchild for the first time is both wonderful and overwhelming. Don't worry too much. The fact that you care enough to ask for advice indicates how much you care and that you will be careful. Enjoy your grandchild when he or she arrives, no matter the distance it's a special relationship so just relax and be who you are. Please let us know when the baby is born so we can celebrate with you.

Congratulations ..it is the most beautifully rewarding role ever if you get it right..my tip is to bite your tongue often.The times I have wanted to say something about one thing or another is endless but the best thing to do is bite your tongue unless you are asked for advice then make sure you word it right and give them the advice then sit back and let them decide if they are going to take the advice given or not but don't gloat if they do and don't ask why if they don't.
You have to be very tactful and then you may get comments like I get ..They say "mum you never interfere and you give advice in your own little way but never force it onto us and we love that"
I think I'm lucky with our relationship, it is just the best and we see our grandson who lives close by at least 5 times a week mainly because we pick him up from school Monday to Thursday and he sleeps over on a Wednesday night and he has done since 9 months old .This was my idea as they both work hard so Wednesday is either date night or chill night depending on if our son is working away or not .I don't work but hubby does so it's no bother , it tires me out but I'm a happy tired.
We always get together even if it's just for a cuppa at some time over the weekend too so we can catch up with our son as we generally only see daughter in law through the week when she picks gs up after work .
Another tip ..someone has already said it but I agree with it too is to not but lots of toys and gifts and especially don't buy stuff and then send it home to theirs, they may not want what you buy.. We buy toys and games for our house and that's fine ..at season changes in stores I do tend to buy a couple of tee shirts or shorts etc but again I keep them at my house or give them and say they are for holidays.
My mil used to buy our 2 sons terrible cheap nasty toys and clothes when they were tiny and they went straight in the bin im sorry to say so if you do buy anything make sure it's same quality they would buy themselves or keep your money in your purse.
It may sound awful!y snobbish but trust me it will save many an upset or falling out.
We did try to stop mil buying rubbish for our 2 ( just in case anyone was going to comment) but it was completely ignored so in the bin it went.

Hepzibar I'm sure that if the baby was planned she will be somewhat prepared.

And you know we all learn quickly when we have to

And perhaps she might welcome a stay for a week or two from yourself, if possible, best to ask her, as you have been doing, what she needs

A beautiful new chapter of your life opening up

Don't expect them to take your advice on anything. Best not to offer it and when you are babysitting follow their rules to the letter (you will be surprised how many there are).
I am the grandma the children come to when toys need sewing up, they want toys knitted and, what I love the most, I am the one they come to when they want a book that isn't in the school library.
Don't feel you always have to take them out. My GC have always appreciated the time to relax at my house. They don't want to go out for lunch and are happy with a picnic on the lounge floor. They like having the time to read, play, paint and create.

Only give advice when asked and in the first few months especially never arrive unannounced other than that enjoy the best time ever being a grandma

Unsolicited advice is not recommended.

Congratulations! Good tips from Luckygirl. I offered and was accepted by both Parents to be that I went to stay with them and look after the practical things ie: cooking, laundry and the odd cleaning while they concentrated and bonding with their new arrival. It worked very well and had load of cuddles. My mother in law did that to us and it was the best thing anyone could offer to me at that time. I was able to concentrate on the baby's feeding, the sleeping patterns and most of all looking after myself to get back on my feet. She stayed for 2 weeks. I stayed with my DD for 3 weeks. But I also did what Luckygirl said too.

Congratulations just enjoy him . Only give advice when asked . Have a talk about about any help she may need . My son and daughter would not have wanted me there all the time but I know some do . If her partner is home at first taking paternity leave then they may want time on their own to get used to being a family of three . Good luck ?

Give money rather than buy things. My youngest DiL never got to buy anything for her first, as her mum got over excited. Still she turns up with clothes, even though my DiL has asked her not to. She feels she was robbed of the experience of buying things for the babies.

Same with, 'I will but the pram' and 'I will buy the cot'. So she chose cheaper versions and of what she really wanted because she did not want to take advantage.

Lastly, mothers are given very different advice to what we were given. I would read up on bAby advice books, so that you can understand your daughter's choices.

Enjoy it. It's the best.
Work out how you can get to theirs quickly. Train? When's the first train you can catch? Car? What's the best time to leave house to avoid traffic?
Make it clear to them, nothing is too much trouble.
Try and make a regular time to see him, he will grow up so fast.
Remember what you wanted from your parents/ in laws when your kids were little, and offer that
Let him be messy at your house, food, painting, muddy, they have too much to do to be that free

Enjoy. It's the best

Thanks everyone - some great advice here.

Flossie Mm that's made me think, I'm buying clothes and stuff, thinking I'm helping (I know they are things she likes), but I don't want her feel that she's being robbed of the experience. I'll ask her, we have a good honest relationship - neither of us are likely to take offence (both thick- skinned

They also have a balancing act because there are the other grandparents to consider. I do feel that she is thinking that whatever we (me and her) then she will have to reciprocate with her MIL and FIL.

After reading all your replies - I am even more excited!

Agree with Flossie regarding spending money on clothes and toys. When my grandchildren were born, I opened a children's ISA account. Every birthday and Christmas, I put the same amount for each into the account. I always buy a little something, just a token present, for them to open on the day, but it's nice to see their bank accounts slowly growing for when they're 18 and might want to buy a car or something.

I agree with all of the above - especially, don't offer advice unless asked. I have a very good relationship with my daughter and I stayed with them for the first 2 months (!!) with a week break in the middle. At first they were glad to have time to themselves, but then were thrilled to have me back.
I will add one caveat to this - I hope this is not an insulting term, but for want of a better one, my daughter had a bit of 'baby brain'. Probably due to lack of sleep etc, she said a few things to me which were either insensitive or downright odd! Fortunately I kept my mouth shut and she later either apologised or it was forgotten.

Buy them a voucher for 'Cook' loads in London. It's a company that produce some really lovely frozen meals , they actually do a new parents package. Look them up, it's a real blessing as brand new parents not to have to worry about dinners for the first few weeks. Enjoy- grand parenting best job in the world!

Congratulations and just treasure every moment. Even at a distance you can offer support by texts or whatsApp to see how things are progressing. It lets them know you are thinking about them and are there if needed. If you do go to stay for longer periods, make yourself quietly useful and go out running "errands" to give the new family space.
If you want to buy things, then shop, shop, shop! I can't resist the lovely clothes in the shops and spend a fortune, and I derive so much pleasure from giving. Most of the time I see the items being well used.
Good luck.

Ooops I meant the clothes are well received, not "well used" as in second hand!!

Very pleased for you it is a wonderful time for you all, and all the other posters have given all the advise I would have given you. I have a wonderful honest open relationship with my DDs but however we did clash slightly because things are so different bringing up a baby now as to when we did it, so my bit of advise would be if you see something she is doing and you want to offer your advise to try it another way then don't, just wait for her to ask, as her hormones will be all over the place anyway.

Congratulations, hope you enjoy as much as I do. Always thought Grandparents were a little bit nuts. Had kids this is just another kid! Then my DGS arrived & I am as smitten as all those that I thought were nuts! Now have 'double trouble' as we now have DGD. Both the best thing to happen since their Dad.

make sure your purse is always full!!!! lol

Just 'enjoy'. I bought a bottle of champagne for the parents! ?

Congratulations and welcome to the club. I have 4 darlings through 2 of my 3 daughters and I wanted to say that your co-grandparents, especially the co-grandma, might feel a bit as if you are the primary one so do go out of your way to make sure they feel just as involved and important.