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Is she too demanding or am I too soft?

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Day6 Sun 31-Mar-19 16:37:42

I remember my dear old Mum saying to us "Oh the aches and pains that come from being old!"

She too had a myriad of things wrong with her, and I know we probably didn't appreciate that this cheery 75 year old "can do" positive mother found everything much more difficult as she aged. We just didn't think about it because we hadn't experienced it!

Now I know exactly how the body isn't the same in my 60s as it was in my 50s! Why do my ankles hurt coming down the stairs first thing in the morning? Most of us have to work hard at remaining mobile and doing all we can to not let 'old age' take over, if we can possibly help it.

I think you have to be frank and tell her that you have to start your day slowly in order to be mobile and feel ok later on. You have to be blunt and say you are no good to anyone first thing in the morning, that you're stiff, you ache and you experience pain.

Tell her you'd be happy to help with a later start. There is no getting away from it, is there? Perhaps you could point her in the direction of your post dreamspirit? No one knows what it's like to experience the aches and pains of aging until it happens.

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trisher Sun 31-Mar-19 16:17:03

I think GPs and their children with children live in two different worlds. In hers 9am is later the day usually starting around 6 or 7 am. In yours 9am is ridiculously early. I think she really doesn't realise either how early it is for you or how difficult you would find it. You on the other hand think she's being unreasonable asking for 9am before you get going. Perhaps if you both wrote out time tables for your days you woud realise how differnt they are and you would try to compromise.

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dreamspirit Sun 31-Mar-19 16:07:00

I was standing behind the door when they handed out spines, with the result I have had neck problems, knee problems, shoulder problems, lower back problems, you name it, all my life: nothing major, just different aches and pains requiring osteopathy, physio, chiro etc. to keep me 'upright', as I put it, (lol) since I was a teenager. Now, at 72, naturally these problems are not improving! However, I take every step I can to alleviate them. Every morning when I wake, I have pain somewhere - it might be my neck, my shoulders, my hips etc. etc., but I can gently unfold myself and do various appropriate stretches, until I reach reasonable mobility. If I'm still not reasonably comfortable, I take anti-inflammatories. I then go out walking my dog - which, of course, oils my joints and helps a lot. I follow that with yoga. Now .... I have explained to my daughter, who lives 35 minutes away, that I can no longer 'jump' out of bed and tear around as when I had to get to work, and I need more time to 'unfold', or I have more muscle spasms to deal with. She, of course, only sees me once I've got everything moving and I'm quite a 'sparky', fit granny. I have explained to her that I do not want to babysit at 9 a.m. which requires me to get up at about 6.30 a.m. to do all the above, including walking the dog, in order to leave my house at 8.20 to get to hers. I love seeing my grandsons and am happy to start at, say, 10,30, but, I've just received another request list from her of possible school holiday 'duties', starting at .... yes ... 9 a.m. again!! I'm exasperated! How many different ways can I explain that I just can't do it? I made the mistake of making an exception once in an emergency (for which my back suffered!), but that set a precedent, so I laid out the law and and told her 'sorry, but no babysitting before 10.30 because I can suffer for days otherwise', but now, this request from her AGAIN! It makes me feel mean and I hate that. How on earth can I make her understand? We have a good relationship and she's a wonderful daughter, but this seems to be a complete blank spot, and she doesn't seem to realise how much pain I'm in most of the time, presumably because I'm slim, active (once I'm oiled!) and don't LOOK decrepit! Any tips, without us falling out?

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