Grandkids don’t seem to like me + hubs isn’t into grandparenting

My eldest grandchild wouldn't even look at my son(her uncle) he was upset by this but held back and she eventually came round. Her brother and sister loved him from the start. He is very fun loving and she was a quiet soul, think she was overwhelmed. Time should cure

I would try not to worry too much, children are strange and 3 is very young. Perhaps they see you as taking them away from their mummy, the person who they love most of all. Sometimes the more you try the more they back off. Just ignore their behaviour and don't (if you are) overpower them with your love.

I have two young grandchildren who live in Tokyo as my son works over there. I last saw them a year ago. I FaceTime and see them that way. One is 8 and the other little boy 3. Sometimes they don’t want to sit n chat on FaceTime it depends. I accept that. I know this can happen but I send gifts over especially books and ask them to tell me about the stories. I found out yesterday that my daughter and son in law will be relocating to Dubai in August. She’s currently having IVF. Hopefully it will work but I doubt if it does I will see much of any child. I accept that. When they do see me when I visit Japan it’s very precious time we enjoy it and so do the children. Don’t be sad you have your family and grandchildren here in the UK you are very well blessed. Cheer up

Oh, they do like you, Simplelife, even if they don’t always show it! Young children are fickle, and are also very good at playing one off against the other. Some days the grandsons nearly knock me over in their enthusiasm when I walk in, sometimes they barely look the side I’m on. The funniest thing was when DH and I went to a Grandparents’ Day event at DGS1’s school. The children all presented cards they’d made, listing the things they loved about their grandparents. Our DGS handed his over and told us firmly that it wasn’t for us, it was for Grandpa and Grandma (we’re Grandad and Nanna!).

The three year old twins I know are very wrapped up in their own little world and have their own language with each other, to the exclusion of most others,although not mum and dad.

You perhaps seem to them as nanny who must be obeyed, as you chivvy them along to day care. It's not you they hate I'm sure it's just the situation - having to go to day care when all they want to do is play in their pyjamas?

You say you have been in tears so many times.
Is this in front of them? Probably not, but even so they will be picking up on your tension.

All I can say is, RELAX a little. They won't always be three, and they won't always be in daycare, and there is still plenty of time to be the doting granny you so want to be.

Alternatively just be an interestingly different granny.
Do things nobody else does with them, I used to take mine to the woods and build dens, play Cowboys and Indians, nobody else did this with them and they loved it.

I think doting has to come naturally, so it seems you are a doter, and your other half is not. Just let him be, you can't force it.

For about a year, around the same age as your grandson, my grandson would do a body swerve round me to throw himself at his grandfather.
The same happened with me with DGD - she practically pushed me out of the way to get to Grandad although I was the one who does most (including fun things) with her. She must have been about 3 at the time and doesn't do this any more although she is still 'Grandad's girl' apparently!

I’m not sure mine like me, but they are older and we don’t see them that often because of distance.

Thanks, all, for your wise advice.

jenpax. Me too! I remember being "hated" for sending one to clean her teeth! It passed and now they are all adults with their own children they appreciate me better. However, I do think the 30-40 age group today have very little idea what the 60-80+ age group are living through or what it is like to be disabled and old. Another thread maybe?

Totally agree with BradfordLass72. Can't add much more - sorry! But I do send strong commiserations. One Christmas one DGS aged 3 spent the whole time being beastly to me, even blew his nose on my skirt! I was so upset as I didn't see him for months after. I didn't say anything to his parents though. Then next time I saw him he was beaming with delight at seeing me and was the one who was most upset when I left!!
So maybe the message is that if you ride the storm they will get over it and you will become best friends!
I wouldn't try to force your other half to be what he isn't in respect of DGC, he can't help it. Maybe you can divide your time between grandchildren and him?
Wishing you well and please try not to get upset. I think time will sort this out.

Do they seem to like daycare. You are the person that takes them out of their home, away from their Mum and toys to somewhere that may still seem very strange to them. Even if they like it when they are there, they may be enjoying themselves when you drag them away from it (as they may see it) and take them off.
I hated nursery school as a child and I think that I was 4 when I started. 3 is quite young to adapt to a new situation. I think that is far more likely than they just don't like you personally.

I'd just accept it, especially from 3 year olds. Then again, we're all different but I can switch on and off accordingly, it's far less stressful.

My late husband became a child himself again when the GC were little, they loved him. I didn't feel less loved because of this.

The children’s behaviour sounds very normal to me too, I can understand why you find it upsetting but I remember my own children telling me they hated me and that I was the meanest mummy in the world when they were thwarted! I knew they didn’t mean it! Try not to let your upset show and down play the drama.
I feel you are being a little unfair on your partner here, not everyone is a doting grandparent and some people just don’t enjoy the full on stuff of very young children! He is the grandfather not a parent so it’s absolutely his prerogative; I would suggest discussing how much time he is willing to spend and also negotiating some time on your own with the DGC as it’s more your bag than his. I also agree that you need to do things as a couple that are not family related, after all he has probably been looking forward to this stage in his life and new things it brings

This seems par for the course in grandparenting. Our twin GC went through phases on not liking me especially at the age of three. Partly because I had to to a lot of childcare which blurred the lines. Now at seven one adores me and the other does love me, but he isn’t as demonstrative as his sister. Don’t get too upset. They’ll get over it soon enough.

Perhaps it is your partner they don't like and then you by association. Perhaps they have picked up that he does not want them around - get your daughter to find out the problem and explain to him that they are your grandchildren and you will decide how much time you will spend with them. Do not take any notice of what he says - you tell him how often you will see your grandchildren and if he doesn't like it, he knows what to do. Your own children/grandchildren are much more important than some selfish old man.

I'm the 'fun granny', as there is a sea between me and my grandchildren, who live within walking distance of Other Granny. Believe me, their greetings when I occasionally see them is no substitute for being part of their everyday lives!

Make the best of what you've got. If you're not enjoying your 'duties', renegotiate them. You can't be 'fun granny' or a doting grandparent when you're having to chivvy them along to get ready and get out of the house.

As for your DH, well, he either feels like doting on them, or he doesn't - not much you can do about how he feels.

My PiL lived near us when the children were growing up, so my children saw more of my MiL than of my own mother. She had a very special relationship with my older son as he grew up - in fact, she knew of his plans to get engaged before I did. If you're a good friend to your grandchildren, that will last a lot longer than being 'fun granny'.

Think you have found the reason. Your DGs are viewing you as an authoritarian figure. (Not implying you stand over the children with a stick by the way.) You obviously have to maintain order when you are helping out your family. The other GPs who have no such role and are not seen so often will be viewed as people to have fun with. Fine line between helping out and being flavour of the month. Perhaps you need to review just how much of a lead role you have.

Maybe just because they see you more often than the other grandparents is the reason that they don't make so much of a fuss of them and being only 3 it's not that they don't like you, it's just that you are not getting the reaction you seem to expect.
I'm sorry, but you, and many others that post on here seem to have a romantic vision of how it should be to be a grandparent, MiL, MotB and so on, when in reality it isn't like that!
As long as they are not running away from you, screaming, when you walk in the door, you should be quite happy and enjoy the time you spend with them. Your other half obviously enjoys spending time with the GC, just not all of the time - it doesn't mean that he's not a "doting grandparent" - you don't have to be spending every spare minute with them to love them, and spending time doing other things can only enhance the time spent with them. Just think of the stories that you could tell!

Just a thought - perhaps they heard you say "hubs"! Very offputting.

My eldest granddaughter was just like this, and I understand you’re hurt, however, I do think it is just a phase and all will be well. I recall my granddaughter saying ‘I don’t love you anymore ‘ and then listing a list of people she did love. It hurt but rising above it I replied’ Oh, that’s a shame because I love you very much indeed ‘. As far as your partner goes,maybe he feels as if his retirement is being taken over by the grandchildren? Could you talk to him and reach a compromise? Maybe several times a week could be reduced and you two could plan specific days that are child free.

I have four grandchildren and they all went through that period of rejection, especially the two year old. Now that they are older, they love to see me. It's a phase that they go through. Don't get upset about it. My husband loved them but he did find them a bit full on. Perhaps if your husband saw them with you in short bursts, it might help. You can't push these things. It will all come good, given time. Just be a little patient.

I feel it’s more about your needs. You seem to want to be loved by all. Children pick up on this. Just relax. I know you are thrilled to have grandchildren but they are not your entire world. Husbands often feel left out. Plan more time as a couple

It maybe to do with them being twins, my two eldest grandsons are very close in age and acted like a team egging each other on and trying to run rings round the adults. I wouldn't worry too much they may be picking up on your reaction and playing on that.

I wonder if your OH has ever been that involved with his own children. Don't know how old you are but there is a generational elementI think. My late 70's DH is good with the grandchildren now they are bigger but was not so happy with them when they were small and all over the place. You can't really act out being a loving grandparent, he is just being himself.

One of my grandsons and my grandaughter went through this stage - lasted a few months. I hated it! And it is upsetting, but they did get over it. About the same age as well. I did try and up the fun bit - not sure if that helped or whether it was just a phase. Both times it did happen after I gave them a (very rare) telling off! As for your hubby? Mine is very similar. He finds the grandkids very trying! He does love them, but doesn't really enjoy speding time with them. I just tell him to man up and deal with it. He often buggers off to his shed! Make sure you have quality time as a couple, and it isn't all about the kids and grandkids. it can wear you down!

Children do that sort of thing, it means nothing. I see my grandchildren less than you do. For about a year, around the same age as your grandson, my grandson would do a body swerve round me to throw himself at his grandfather. He got over it. He is now 8 and clearly loves both of us equally.

As for your problem with your husband. Is he feeling he is having to take a backseat to the grandchildren, their needs wants etc come before him? There is a happy balance between being a supportive and loving grandparent and a supportive and loving partner. perhaps you have got the balance wrong.