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Grandparenting

Friend called CPS on my son-in-law

(58 Posts)
Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 14:24:10

Hi, I am new here but I need advice REALLY bad!!

I am a 48-yr. old grandmother of a 6 year old and 3-year-old that are my life. Last week my 6-year-old grandson told me about his father being violent in the home in front of the children. He spilled his little guts to me and told me so much – His daddy pulled the shotgun out, pointed it at the tv and said he was going to shoot it. He said that his daddy knocked his Mommy down and she was saying she needed an ambulance and he would not call for one. He calls the boys really bad names. He picks them up and slams them against the wall. He makes my 6-year-old sit outside by himself to watch for the bus by himself because he is sleeping. There is quite a bit more but hard to type it all. Those are the main tings he is doing.

As far as we know, no physical abuse except for my daughter which we believe he has hit and knocked down (she denies everything and covers for him) but instead mental abuse of the children. My daughter works 16-hour shifts for 911 because the father is too lazy to work.

The father has MAJOR anger issues – I believe he blacks out and doesn’t realize he has put holes in the walls, broken things, etc…It doesn’t take much to get him mad.

One of my dear friends called CPS on the father. I am going to protect my babies no matter what the cost. Now, CPS has 90 days to investigate and the caseworker told me we would be the first one they call if the children are removed from the home. However, if the children are NOT removed, my daughter has told me that we will never see our grandbabies again. She thinks I am the one who called CPS.

I feel like I am going insane as I don’t know what is going to happen. I am so depressed over all of this…The unknown is such a scary place and I just need advice on how to handle this – It is literally tearing me apart. I HAVE to see my grandbabies – We live in Tennessee.

Thank you in advance!
Tami

MissAdventure Tue 08-Oct-19 14:35:44

All I can say is that hopefully the whole situation will be out of your daughters hands, so she won't be dictating who can and can't see the children.

Have you known about his treatment of the children before being told by your grandson?

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 14:38:25

His anger yes but not it being directed toward the children or my daughter.

Anniebach Tue 08-Oct-19 14:41:48

Surely slamming the children against a wall is physical abuse?

newnanny Tue 08-Oct-19 14:47:41

I think it sounds like the children and your dd would be best out of the situation. Could children live with you if removed from parents? If so your dd may relent and come also.

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 15:01:41

Anniebach - That is very true!!

newnanny - Yes, CPS said we would be the first call IF they remove them from the home - I am so worried about all of them - Haven't spoken to any of them in a week and no idea if they are ok or not...

MissAdventure Tue 08-Oct-19 15:20:42

Why do you think your daughter is prepared to put this 'man' ahead of the children's welfare?

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 15:30:20

I believe she is scared of him - There is no telling what he has said to her - She has ZERO self esteem...I believe she is broken....

blondenana Tue 08-Oct-19 15:33:41

Picking the children up and slamming them against the wall is definitely physical abuse,those children need to be out of there asap
Wont the CPS tell your daughter you were not the one who reported this,[they don't have to say who did, but that it wasn't you] but she should be grateful someone is worried enough about her children,as she should be
So sorry you are going through this though

Elliepops Tue 08-Oct-19 15:46:54

Keep on the right side of this thug. Convince your daughter,if you can,that it was not you that made the call. Maybe the cps will confirm this.
Have you heard of the sayinghold a candle to the devil. Be crafty,for your grandchildren and your daughter. Sadly, your daughter will have to make up her own mind. The children cannot..the whole thing will escalate,and authorities will be brought in.
When that happens,you will be blameless and you will still be able to see the children.if you believe,pray hard for them,if not ,do not despair, at your age it would probably be better for you to care for them.it can happen be clever be crafty,it will pay off in the end. God bless.and good wishes and hugs.
As you live in the USA I suppose he is allowed to have the shotgun. Could you disable it quietly? Do not endanger yourself. Stay well for the children.

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 16:02:15

The CPS told my grandson when they interviews him that "Nawna is worried about you" - He told his mama and of course immediately blamed me. She said I was the only one who knew certain things, no way to hide it. - That is the hard part, they live 2 hours away and will not speak to me.

Hithere Tue 08-Oct-19 16:47:37

Did you call cps as soon as your gs told you all that has been going on?

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 16:59:43

I don't think I was very clear in my initial post - I didn't call CPS, a friend of mine did but no, he told me on Saturday and she called on Monday.

MissAdventure Tue 08-Oct-19 17:09:45

Did your grandchild tell you this on the phone, or were they with you when it was said?

Sorry, I sound like a detective, but I really can't get my head around allowing the children to be there and not phoning the police or someone as soon as the allegations were made.

Hithere Tue 08-Oct-19 17:12:07

Why didn't you call?

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:14:02

The children were with us for the weekend when he told me on Saturday night - Even if we had called right then we would have still had to let the parents have them back on Sunday due to the investigation taking up to 90 days - They will not let us get them from the house until they remove them IF they do so...No worries about sounding like a detective - I don't mind at all - That is why I posted for advice.

Jane10 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:14:52

A gun? Presumably this is not in UK?

Hithere Tue 08-Oct-19 17:17:23

CPS stands for child protective services, a government agency in the US

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:17:25

No, we live in the US.

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:24:14

Maybe we didn't do everything the correct way but at the time we thought we were.

Hithere Tue 08-Oct-19 17:24:29

I am side eyeing CPS for thinking you are first in line for fostering your gc if they are removed from their parents.

The fact that you did not call cps or the police right away, even if your gc were safe, shows your bad judgement. What if they needed to go to ER for a checkup?

Your gc may have been "safe" till Monday- but you still did not call on Monday. Huge mistake.
What if their parents picked them up before Monday?

Your dd was still in danger on Saturday, when your gs told you. Even bigger mistake.

CPS does not mind getting several calls from several sources for the same allegations.

And yes, your gc also suffered physical abuse from their father. The fact that you do no recognize it as such, is another red flag.

Hithere Tue 08-Oct-19 17:29:17

Would you have called if the friend hasnt called?

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:30:06

HiThere, ummmm YES I do recognize it as abuse, I mis typed in my original post because I was crying while typing - Who are you to tell me that I did not do things the correct way - I did not post in this forum to get blasted by someone like you! It was a damned DAY before it was reported and it has now been over a week and CPS STILL has not removed them from the home - My grandchildren are my LIFE!!! How dare YOU!!!

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:30:58

Absolutely I would have - she called so my daughter wouldn't think it was me but she does anyway so.....

Tami1971 Tue 08-Oct-19 17:31:19

I am the one who asked my friend to call!!!