A quick bit of advice please!

It`s one day,i wouldn`t make a fuss tbh.
If you do say something they may ignore you anyway then the atmosphere could spoil the whole day.

Sorry OP, but I couldn't stand this scenario. I suggest , abandon the sit down meal. Each person comes along and chooses his/her food and eats as suit them best. The parents then divide up into those who will take kids out to a local park and those who will be on tidy up duty. Obviously, the older kids count as adults here.

jammy greasy chocolatey hands all up the staircase. Oh no not for me either. Inkcog has the right idea

Could you put place names at the table and separate the children? Could you think of any games or quizzes you could all do at the table? Say to the children you would like everyone to stay at the table during the meal but once the adults are onto coffee they can go and play. Could you suggest a game after the meal eg divide into two teams ( girls v boys or differently divided). Each team is given half a packet of spaghetti and a bag of marshmallows. Between them they have to build a tower which will be judged on design and height. It is a lot of fun and all ages can join in. Each team works in a separate room and has 10 -15 minutes. Hope it goes well!

Do buffet style meals, let the children play games, wander about - and wipe the fingerprints off after they have gone. Christmas is very short and a relaxed atmosphere is always better than a fraught one.

I don't see anything wrong with asking them to wash their hands when they leave the table or asking them not to throw the cushions etc. Your home, your rules. Just do it respectfully and don't expect much from teens because, well they are teenagers.

I get your annoyance, my older children would be offering to help tidy up afterwards but I do believe in raising adults who know how to look after themselves when they move out.

A couple of packs of wet wipes at the end of the table? Hide some of the cushions beforehand so not enough to fight with?

Their parents should have taught the children to sit at a table; how to have ''table manners'' and eat a meal in a reasonably acceptable way when in company - if not, there is not much you can do about it when they come to yours for a special occasion. You could bribe them with presents if they behave - that's if they haven't had them already - and if you haven't stocked up on games etc - too late now, probably!

If they were at school, would this be permissible?

No, so why should your hospitality and home be misused?

You are willing to allow for some chaos and some seasonal madness. They should respect you.

All but the toddler should be able to sit properly while eating. And really, at 2 1/2 he should be able to as well. If the table is set, and dinner time is called, then we should all sit at the table to eat until excused to leave ( and no taking food with them).

Just don't give the option to take food anywhere other than the table. Especially if they are teens! Once they leave the table, take the plate to the kitchen for clean up.

It might be worth feeding the children first. Adults will be free to supervise - and enforce the washing of hands. Then, I'd put a film on for the kids and (hopefully) sit down to a leisurely, uninterrupted meal. If anyone plays up, I'd assign discipline to the appropriate parent. Good luck!

What have you allowed in the past? A bit hard to change the rules now? Unless the older ones could be persuaded in the guise of being adults helping to supervise the little one?

Sorry but I can’t imagine how it has got to this point, Granny’s house, Granny’s rules should apply.

I agree with Cabbie your house your rules, no screens at the table etc.

As its just one day, I would go with the buffet idea and don't serve anything messy. Just finger foods. Good luck

You want to 'contain' the children? They are not wild animals!! Its Christmas for goodness sake. They will not like to come if there are more rules than at home. Children make a mess - live with it.

Dont give everyone stress - just go with the flow.

You could "go with it" and adopt a buffet style meal / gathering instead.

There are things that I know just do not work with my nieces and nephews, and trying to "parent" them could cause issues.
So I do what works for everyone when they come. It may not be how I would ideally do things, but makes for an overall nicer day if Im not "swimming against the tide" IYKWIM

Plasticine in a word - not playdoh. Pack each and a tray or hard surface each and get them to make some animals.
Works just as well with pipe cleaners.
Or balloons see who can keep it in the air the longest.
Any silly game you can think of.
I see no harm in saying they have to wash their hands as soon as they leave the table.

Children eat first then lock outside in the garden and wave at them through the window Seriously I would do this.if I had the problem.

Too late for you I know but I set up a small temporary table in the living room and the children eat there. We close the door on them and let them get on with it. I suspect the dog gets their Brussel sprouts.

This year my 13-year old grandson opted to join the adults.

Barmeyoldbat like your style ?????

Yehbut and the more the wine flows the less you care.

Well mine have just gone and although I love them I’m glad it’s over for another year! Grandson 1 looked at the heaving buffet and said “ there’s nothing I like” so I just said Yao my son “ go through the fridge and see what you can do find then”:I work with kids but some of my grandkids well.... another year over!

My 3 year old gs stripped off, refused to dress then emptied ALL the clothes out of 3 drawers and threw them at the 4 year old.
4 year old then joined in with the throwing game and as I had just arrived parents gave up and decided to go out for 2 hours! Destruction continued with 4 year old undoing the crackers to get the hats. I asked him to stop and he didn't,2 year old now walking naked over the table I gave up too. Thank goodness I go home tomorrow.

That sounds like the visit from hell Kircubbin. You will be heaving a sigh of relief today I'm sure.
It seems sometimes that today's parents are unable to say 'no' to their children.