Advise

That meant to say "Advice" in the title. My phone must have corrected it, sorry for the typo!

I think your husband is right MissKae you seem to spend an inordinate amount of time
with your mother in law. Whilst its good to have this relationship, its also time to stand on your own two feet and make friends with other Mums and younger people.

I do have other moms and friends I visit, however my MIL asks if I can pop by for an hour here and there (She's unable to leave the house most days now and says seeing the bubs cheers her up) we usually do a 30-60 minute visit for tea, once a month lunch and we have them over for dinner once a week as well. They live a 3 minute walk away so I usually stop in before I head out for the day (at her request)

Do you think she would be hurt or lonely of I started telling her it wasn't a good idea?

I thought you said you went out to lunches and films together?
Popping in is a kind thing to do and I don’t see how a quick visit could afford the opportunity for the amount of interference you speak of.
Smile and brush off her “advice” when it becomes interference. This is YOUR baby but read some of the other threads on GN to see the consequences of relationships breaking up over intransigence!

Your example of MiL not being aware of (or not accepting) the Back to Sleep rule, shows she’s stuck in the past and not open to new ideas.

You have two options. Either completely ignore her silly remarks and outdated ideas and just carry on sweetly doing things your way or try to educate the women.

For example did you show her literature from organisations like the Lullaby Trust with the statistics showing the amazing decreased in cot deaths since the BtoS campaign was launched?

Also I think you might want to gradually and subtly decrease the amount of time you spend with MiL.

Good advice already given, I think you just need to just let it go over your head when she contradicts your parenting, it’s your child to parent your way but to avoid conflicts just ignore what she says and if it’s while you are alone with her don’t even mention it to your husband. He may feel resentment towards her because she is upsetting you.
You don’t mention her age but the older some get the more set in their ways .

She used to be a lot more confident going out, however she has a health condition that causes her to have seizures. They're started to increased over the past 6 months and although they haven't cased her any physical harm as they aren't conventional seizures, they're embarrassing for her so she doesn't want to go out much anymore.

Things usually come up at random times. When she was cuddling DGB one morning he fell asleep so she put the baby to sleep in the pack-n-play she has for the grandbabies, which was how the stomach sleeping came up. Things usually come up at the dinners, or between DH and her over text. Things not related to me, but between them. She gives him a lot of advice on random things based on him and his siblings and he gets frustrated, like adding cereal to milk so he'll sleep better at night, switching to formula etc.

I've shown her links to studies and she still stands by her belief. I told DH that's fine, we'll just wait until baby can roll from tummy to back to let MIL and FIL have their 'baby day' that they've asked for.

I'm pretty good at just brushing it off since I know it comes from a place of love and concern, I just hope I can help DH with that as well. He can take things very personally. She's just trying to be helpful, and even though this is grandchild #5, she's just as new to this as we are since her relationship with the other 4 weren't the best

So many typos and grammatical errors, time for this Mama to go to sleep!

Thank you everyone so much for being so helpful and willing to give advice! I really appreciate it. God (or whoever/whatever you believe in) bless!

I’m new to being a mil and a gran, so I can only advice from being a dil to a very difficult mil. She was a very strong opinionated women, wouldn’t be told that her ideas weren’t always right. I learnt to smile and nod, and agree to look into her methods, whether it was cooking, housekeeping, child care, believe me she knew it all !.

If she wants to lay baby on the tummy, just smile and say, he likes to sleep on his back, he sleeps better, it gives him colic is a good one for lots of things. Always back your statement with a smile and the promise to check with midwife, but for now you think you should stick with what you’re doing.

It doesn’t hurt to say she was right about things, or soften it a little, something on the lines of, the midwife said it’s fine to sit him up if he likes, but only for short periods of time, that way you’re both right.
When she says things like, she will protect him from your methods, smile and say, oh he knows we all love him so much.

It’s important to maintain a good relationship with your mil, and remember she’s only trying to help.

32 years ago I followed the advice and put my son to sleep on his tummy.
Advice changed and I was just as aware of that change as DD was, accepted the statistics and never once tried to do things 'the old way'.
I believe OP must explain in the kindest possible way that she doesn't want this to become a source of stress and please would MiL just go along with it.
Popping in is a lovely way to sustain the relationship but maybe cut back a bit as you build your own social circle.

Could you find an up to date book, or print some pages from the internet, outlining the current practices? You could go through them together in a relaxed way and let her take them home.
You are fortunate to have such a loving GM for your child, and she is lucky to have such a caring DIL in you, but you must insist that she follows the rules

You sound a delightful girl. You have oodles of common sense and are very empathic. Your confidence will grow and you will speak with more authority as the months go by on any issue relating to your son. Your kindness to your MIL does you credit. As she sees you grow in confidence, she will know the little one is safe and sound and will be able to relax and enjoy the family dynamic without the need to 'helicopter granny' her precious little grandchild. It will all work out fine. Just be assertive without being aggressive. Good luck.

I have found that between my oldest grandkids and my newest one, things have changed especially on weaning. I had to really bite my tongue when my DD started baby led weaning I was convinced my DGS would choke. I only kept quiet as DD went to a special course on it. Now DGS eats so well and as nothing has to be pureed, so easy to feed out and about. He just eats what we eat. Give MIL time and lots of information and she will hopefully come round to understand that things have changed. Good Luck and enjoy your baby.

You DS is lucky to have so much love around him. I have six grand children and was around to help when most were babies. As a mum myself 40 plus years ago I had very firm views about looking after my babies. Dr Spock was always at hand (the equivalent of google today) and I stuck to his advice. However my mother and MIL had other ideas. I don't know how it came across but I made detailed "lists" on everything, the way it had to be done, bottles and nappies sterilised (we used terries). Some mums did put babies on their tum but my midwife advised back. As it was my babies would never settle on their tums.
Most grand mothers are happy to move with new ideas, they know baby care ideas change with time. I know I was strict with hygiene, some family lived with pets and I was not prepared to have animals around a small baby. Some might disagree with me. As it happened by daughter and grand daughter did the same so hygiene was high on the "agreed" list.
As a new Nan I watched the mum and did what she did. I know I sometimes forgot and did thing my way but it did no harm. Maybe if you had a gentle word on "i do it this way" with a nice smile would be better than making it a confrontation. You must still be very tired much of the time and it is natural to want to do things your way. Many grannies want as little as possible to do with small babies so you are very lucky. It gives you a break and a bit of company plus baby get loads more love and stimulation.
As for other family, it takes all kinds. maybe with a new little cousin the children will bring the other side of the family together

You sound a lovely daughter in law. Just listen and then do what you believe is my advice. Popping in is lovely. I used to do that when my 3 were young. Enjoy the contact x

Misskae, you sound just lovely. You really do. Your mother in law is lucky to have you. Just gently show her some literature casually on the subject and leave it at that. You will be ok.

Try taking her to the clinic with you and ask the staff there to explain things and why they have changed since she had her children. Sometimes it's comes over better from a professional person.

Don't spend so much time with her and ignore what you want to

DGM had the 'no sleeping on the back' rule drilled into her, in the past, and is having trouble disregarding it now.

If DGM genuinely believes that baby sleeping on his back is dangerous for him, she will not accept being ignored or told "That's how I do it".
Any time it crops up, you need to tell her firmly that this way is proven to be safer.

Likewise, with any other comments about safety you need to state clearly, every time, that you are following proven guidance.

Naturally, also let her know that you understand her concerns come from a position of love for the baby.

Every generation has different ideas on how to bring up children than the preceding one, so let as much as possible go in one ear and out the other, and try to help your DH do the same.

Tell MIL kindly what the current advice is then change the subject if you can't just ignore what she suggests.

I would try seeing slightly less of her too.

I am becoming such a suspicious person - why does this thread remind me so strongly of another, even though it seems, on the face of it, to be taking a pro-mil stance?

May I suggest you ask her advice? I know on the face of it that sounds like asking for trouble but it starts a conversation in a good way. Perhaps "have a look at this, I expect it was different in your day but it seems to be the current thinking. What do you think". Then answer along the lines of "hmm, I understand why you think that because it was the way to do things when you had ..... but it looks like research has changed and they now suggest this way". It might stop her feeling defensive. Perhaps you can think of other things which have changed which are not related to current difficulties. One I can think of is that we used to put butter on a burn and now that is really a bad thing to do. You could also refer to how research changes over use of olive oil/vegetable oil/rapeseed oil. I can't keep up with which of these I am supposed to use and when! I am suggesting these things crop up in conversation and show you value her opinion on all sorts of things, not just babies and that you are happy to discuss. It would be a shame if it turned into a competition and one of you had to be right and one wrong.

Of my three children the first (30) slept on her tummy, the second (28) slept on his side, with a rolled blanket to support him, and the third (22) slept on her back - and suffered flat head symdrome! I was offered unsolicited advice for all three. The smile, nod and do it your way approach is best. As for weaning? Still feel that your should follow your instincts on that one. No rigid guidelines. We were advised on rusk in the bottle etc. We never did that, but they started weaning between 3-4 months. Seemed completely natural to me. I think the new recommendations of 6 months is a bit over the top, but each child is different.

I'm a gm of four and have good relationships with them and their parents. I never interfere, always follow DDs ways of doing things and always support them in whatever they do. Could offer advice sometimes but the girls are intelligent and don't need me telling them stuff. Keep smiling, don't argue with MiL and see a bit less of her gradually.