My SiL wants to tell me I'm a bad GP

Ignore him. The problem lies with him not you. You be the one to act like an adult and do what we all do when children misbehave in public - act as if it you never noticed.

As for his list of things you have done wrong. He sounds like a teenager throwing a tantrum. For some reason he wants to belittle you and make you feel inadequate. But he can only do that if you let him. If he ever tries to do what he says and tell you all your 'faults', just get up and walk out of the room and occupy yourself doing something else.

Whatever you do, never apologise to him for anything you do. Let your DD deal with him. He is her husband.

He sounds like an overexcited toddler , do not apologise again . I would have been embarrassed in the restaurant too , my face would do the same as yours

Oh thank you for the very prompt reply. They're just back from a parents' meeting. I need to be strong and positive. x

I think you need to muster all your self-confidence and hold your head up high. You have apologised. There is no more you can do. It is now his problem, not yours.

Why would your daughter tell you what he said to her? He sounds childish and you sound over apologetic Firget it

Why on earth should you apologise for his rude and embarrassing behaviour?
I would be on my way already, frankly, he sounds as absolute boor.
Can you possibly pin a smile on your face and sail through the last days of your visit? Pretend to be unaware of his appalling rudeness, retreat to your room with a book/headache or just be elsewhere? Stay polite but distant? Or get a good friend to send an urgent message calling you home.
Pity your poor daughter and the grandchildren, but honestly future contact would just be with her and them if I were in your place. You have all my sympathy.

He's an adult and how he chooses to behave in public is up to him. You pulled a disapproving face which he clearly took offence with but you've apologised so you both need to move on. I'm sure you've done things he hasn't approved of and he's kept them to himself until now but that's a can of worms best left alone. Although not speaking to him for 2 days while in his home is a bit OTT.
Just remain civil and continue as normal.

He sounds childish to me! But that does not solve your problem. You have apologised. Hold your head up, ignore his behaviour and carry on as normal. If appropriate, tell your daughter that if SIL feels the need to speak to you about his PERCEPTION of everything that you have done wrong then that is his perogative and that you will listen. If he does do that, I suggest listening without response, and when finished, thank him for telling you, tell him you will now take some time to think about what he has said and then you might be ready to discuss further!! Then do take that time. But don't fall into desperate apologies unless you think comments are reasonable. And ask for help and advice on here before acting, if that would help.

You’ve apologised and waved an olive branch. He’s still smarting - he may possibly feel awkward that he embarrassed himself in public but can’t admit it. Just ignore him and act as if nothing has happened. The balls in his court now.

Well, they came home and he retreated to his office where he's been ever since. My daughter mimed to me - don't go there which I interpreted as 'don't poke the bear.' She cooked dinner for the children and got them to bed. He doesn't do bedtime any longer. That's Mummy's domain.

I've been thinking about all your advice and I'm thinking of listening in silence as Madgran suggests i.e. thanking him and saying I'll take time to think about it although I truly don't know why I should be treated like a naughty child.

He lectures the children as though he's in court- he's a lawyer - and quite honestly after the first sentence or so they've switched off. At least I have some strategies now thanks to kind GNetters.

You switch off too, what a pompous pr*ck he sounds.
Don’t let him lecture you.
What does he know - so he “doesn’t do bedtime” -right, that speaks volumes.
Your poor DD must have chosen him for some redeeming qualities but I can’t see them.
Smile and leave and in future have DD and the grandchildren to visit you, I’m sure he will have important and man-type things to keep him busy.

It's difficult to be a good GP nowadays.
Eldest son's inlaws have been and still are, much betters GPs than us. But TG no-one has blamed us yet.
Circumstances have been very different, but I'm still in awe of how much effort DiL's father is giving. He's about the same age as us too.

He has since told my daughter that he wants to tell me all the things I've done wrong over 7 years since their last child but ' doesn't know whether I'm strong enough to cope with it.'

How kind of him to offer to point out all your perceived faults. Presumably he has none. However, if he does so (which would be a very nasty and foolish thing to do), you could thank him sincerely for pointing out all the ways you have gone wrong.
You could tell him that you will now strive for the perfection he has managed to achieve.

You have offered an apology, there is no need to keep on doing so. Once was sufficient.

He sounds very immature.

I do hope your DD doesn't enable him to behave like an arrogant, spoilt child all the time and that you can continue to see your DD and DGC and avoid him as much as possible.

He sounds an absolute prat.

He sounds full of his own self-importance to me. As others have said, you have apologised, and once is enough. What more does he want from you? Blood? What an obnoxious, arrogant, self-opinionated pillock.
Go home, invite your daughter and grandchildren to stay with you in future. I'm sure he won't even notice they're not there, so wrapped up in himself he'll be.
But more than anything, please don't agonise over this. The problem is all his, not yours, so put him out of your mind - he really isn't worth the energy.

I don’t think for one minute that you should listen to any criticism he might wish to make of you. How dare he and you have no idea what damage that might do you anyway - nothing said and heard can be unsaid or unheard - if he dared to start, just walk out. To stay and listen would be enabling and facilitating his behaviour - you have to believe you are better than that.

I have been accused of all sorts by one DIL but for the sake of the DGC I have found the best strategy is to be 'normal' as if nothing had happened. I collect them from, or drop them off at her home a lot so if she doesn't speak or answer I carry on as if she had. I worked with elective mutes at one time and am quite skilled at that!

Example ... at DGD's Christmas performance Mum was there and so was I, but when I tried to make eye contact she ignored me. I had rehearsed the performance with her so knew that DGD went to the back of the hall at the beginning. Head teacher said we could wave to the children at the start which I did. She waved back but was clearly looking for mummy too. I turned to DIL and finally she acknowledged me and mouthed 'Where is she?' so I pointed her out and the waves took place. That mattered to DGD so I don't care how it came about! I made a point of finding her later and asking if she needed a lift home with the DGC but she had to tell me her Dad was coming for them. I left saying, "Wasn't she brilliant?" Communication successful and DGD happy. There have been years of this but I am still seeing DGC so it seems to work.

Seriously what an absolute twat! Your Daughter has a lot to answer for here too, she's allowing him to behave like this, baffles me why some women will tip toe around their men ? It's not just a poke he needs it's a full on battering!
Rise above it, at 76 years old you are answerable to no one!

Lawyer or not he sounds an absolute nightmare of a man you have apologised and had it thrown back at you I would treat him with the contempt he deserves from now on and totally ignore him from now on.
Invite your daughter & DGCs to stay with you next time and let him stay at home you can do without his presence in your life I'm sure.

I agree with others Ginny, my worry would be not that the SiL was behaving horribly towards me, but how DD could put up with such obnoxious behaviour.
You can just walk away from
SiL, for her it’s much more difficult.
I would want to know what I was perceived to have done over the last 7 years, but would try to ask DD about it, without becoming in any way defensive, rather than
feed SiL’s ego by giving him the idea that his opinion matters.
‘Praise the good, ignore the bad’ often works well and that’s certainly the strategy I would employ in your shoes.
Good luck.

Is he a prosecution lawyer?
It sounds as if he can't separate his professional life from his personal one.
However, all that silly chanting and sulking wouldn't go down too well at work.

I would just ignore him if you can.
Don’t speak to him unless he speaks to you.

If he does, then let him have it.
Sounds like it’s going to all come out at some point, but let him be the instigator of it if needs be,

I would be worried about my DD if she were married to such a controlling bully.

It sounds like he's goading you to make you stand your ground, which I would have done from the start but then your poor DD would be caught in the middle.

I don't suppose greeting him with, 'And how's laughing boy today?' would go down very well.

A kick up the backside might be what he needs but he's got you on the back foot by making you feel you need to apologise. Sod that! As Jobey68 said, you're 76 and answerable to no one!

...he doesn't do bedtime any more?
What a £€$/@
Can't write what I think. Enough said.