Can't wait till daughter and granddaughter move out!

Oh dear. I’m not sure what to say. Where is your wife in all of this? You can’t help the way you feel but it must be stressful for everyone else too if they’re aware of the way you feel. I know some older men don’t cope very well with young children and the accompanying noise and mess (some women too I should add). How were you with your own children when they were small? Have you always worked long hours? I don’t think you need therapy; you just sound as though you’d prefer being on your own.

We had free time for a few years. Traveled etc. She loves having the kids there. She has also been keeping her distance from me also.

Why not both of you sit down and talk to each other,go through what’s bugging you the most.
And let her do the same,and see if you can both meet in the middle somehow.
But make it clear when this lockdown is over she will have to find somewhere else to live as you both need your independence.
But no you don’t need a therapist,my daughter lives one end of the country and I live the other.
I miss her terribly and love it when she comes down..but it’s lovely having my house back.

I think the whole family need to sit down and talk it through. Do not directly accuse each other of things, but talk in terms of what each of your problems are.

You can explain that as much as you love DD and DGD, you are not used to having children around all the time and now you are older you find it very wearing. Your DW and DD can then explain their problems in similar ways.

Then between you, you work out a living pattern where each of you give a bit and take a bit. Once you start blaming or accusing each other. you have lost it and might as well go to bed.

I am not surprised you are angry, you have earned the right to some peace & quite when you are not working.
As to what to do about it, that’s more difficult you need to have a family talk, do you have a room which
you can turn into a private den for yourself with a definite No Entry sign . Best wishes

Good parents push their children away inch by inch from the day they're born or, to put it another way, help their kids to grow up and become independent adults because that's the ideal to aim for.

I guess you feel you've done your bit, freightguy, and I'm sure you have. Perhaps you are just tired of parenting. It's normal for old adult parents of other mammals to be very keen to give their young adult offspring, even their adolescent offspring, a boot up the backside, so to speak, to set them on their independent way. I don't think you're an arsehole, just honest.

All the best.

What Baggs says is so true. Every other mammal expects and encourages their adolescent/adult offspring to move away - to find their own territory etc.
It is recent years that our young have turned into boomerangs and keep coming back.
Whilst understand, and sympathising with the economic reasons for much of this, as we get older most of us need to move on from the child-minding mode of our younger days. We can love our g.children, but prefer to see them occasionally, not live with them all of the time.
Freightman, you do need firstly to sit down and have a good chat with your wife about this.
Then, the two of you need to talk it through with your daughter, would not do harm to list some of the things that most annoy you, so she can understand and maybe can amend some of the behaviour for the time being.
Obviously, nothing about moving away can even be really thought about at present. But a future plan can be made.
You and your wife are entitled to have this time to yourselves both at home and in every other way. However, you do not want to break apart any relationship you may have with your younger daughter and her child.
If you do not let people know what is upsetting you, then how can they do anything about it.

Freightguy, you don;t need a therapist, although counselling sessions do allow one to express feelings.

You and your wife have the right to make your own house rules.

I hope your home is big enough for you to have your own private space where these shouty relatives are not permitted to enter.
Could you possibly manage to buy a trailer in your yard for your own den?

Talk to your wife first. That is the important thing.

My living situation is the same Freightguy. I have mixed feelings about it.

Since my grandsons father has opted not to be involved, I am in the position of the second parent. I love my GS and don't mind at the moment. How I'll feel when he's a teenager I don't know.

My daughter is a different matter. I don't want to live with her. We clash a lot. GS's noise, mess etc, I can cope with. Plus he's showing signs, at 2, of being tidy, whereas my daughter is a slob.

I don't have a solution. I work away a lot of the time, like you, which sorts things out with my daughter, but I miss my GS badly while I'm away. Also, she's very aggressive with him and while I'm at home, I mitigate that. It worries me, while I'm away.

Sometimes life doesn't have answers. If it's getting too much for me, I go to my bedroom. I guess you don't have personal space, because you share with your wife.

Has the situation improved since you had last posted? Did you talk to your wife and your daughter about the issues you have? I agree with the idea of getting online therapy as this is a stressful time for a lot. You need your privacy as well which will help you mentally as well.

I wonder how this problem was solved, or not! We all love our grandchildren but that is when 'we can hand them back'! It is not good to have offspring and their children living with you as they bring children up differently to how we did!

Its normal to want your home to yourself after years of raising children. Its a good parent who encourages them to be independent. Age changes us, we get tired, suffer illness and some anxiety. Want to relax in our home, watch our programs on TV, and have our favourite chair, peace and quiet eat when we want and generally enjoy what we worked for. Having to leave the home and makeshift space outside your home is not the answer, would suggest adult child gets their own place, and makes their space. They will either make you feel guilty for it or love you for it. When our kids visit we have a great time but glad when they go home, we are some distance from them so do not see much of them, but we all respect each others lives and certainly do not want to live together. Our children have their own lives that's how it should be and we respect their choices and how they raise their children, be it nearby or thousands of miles. away. Do not feel bad about getting grumpy or stressed either, express your feelings and make it clear that you want her to find her own place, its time you and your wife had a life and had your home to yourself.

Partly understandable but be careful what you wish for

I suffered badly from ‘empty nest syndrome’ when my two left home for Uni. It was lovely when they came back for the holidays but I was glad to see the back of them when term restarted!

A few years ago my daughter and family had to stay with us when their house move fell through. Much as I love them I was relieved when they moved out.

Don’t feel guilty. Hang on in there until you get your house back.

Oh! That was last month...