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Looking after grandchildren

(170 Posts)
Kwill Mon 29-Jun-20 17:48:48

My daughter as asked me from September to look after her 3 children. One I will be taking to and from school. One child is 3 and one is 9 months. I will have them every day for 40 hours a week. She wants me to give up my nursery nurse job and pay me £700. I would then become self employed. I would get 13 weeks off with pay. Want I want to know does anyone else do this? Would anyone else do this? I will have petrol to pay out of this as well as food for lunches.

MissAdventure Mon 29-Jun-20 17:53:25

I wouldn't, mostly because I think it would be easy to get to a point when your life will start to revolve around your daughter's.

I think it's important to have contact with people outside your family.

welbeck Mon 29-Jun-20 17:53:56

what is the hourly rate then.
sounds very low.
why would you have to pay for their food out of your wages.
be very careful.

MissAdventure Mon 29-Jun-20 17:55:01

Plus, I wouldn't want to be around three children for that many hours a week.

Bridgeit Mon 29-Jun-20 18:01:43

How do the hours etc compare to your nursery job?
How much travel is involved? How many years are you committing to?
How tied to home will you be etc.?
It’s a hard decision to make & quite an ask, good luck & best wishes.

Kwill Mon 29-Jun-20 18:13:18

At the moment I do 38 hours. For a lot more money. However i know longer enjoy my job. I would have travel to my daughters which is around 6 miles away. Take my granddaughter to school and then I'm free to do what ever with the two other grandchildren. I would also be required to have my oldest granddaughter on inset days.

trisher Mon 29-Jun-20 18:29:06

I think you should find out a lot more before you agree to anything. For instance the 3 year old will be eligible for free nursery hours will your DD agree to you taking her? Then you would just have 1 child for some days. How long will this job last Will your DD still want you when the children start school? Will you have the same benefits as your present job- pension, sick pay, holiday pay?
Make lists of the benefits of doing this job and the benefits of staying in your present job. Then decide. Good luck.

Scentia Mon 29-Jun-20 18:30:16

If you want to do it then go it. As a self employed person you can offset a lot of your costs against tax. Your clothes, your fuel any items you buy for the children so it is not all that bad, even a mobile phone can be through your ‘company’ take some advice from a business support service in your area, there will be lots if you look online, search starting a business in ‘where you live’

Aepgirl Tue 30-Jun-20 09:54:06

This surely is not all about money. I think it's a great responsibility taking care of 3 children full-time. Obviously in your present job you have backup and sociability from your colleagues.
I would think very carefully about giving up your present job. It may also affect the relationship you have with your grandchildren.
You say you 'I'm free to do what ever with the two other grandchildren' - but you won't be free.

Tweedle24 Tue 30-Jun-20 09:55:54

If you felt confident and happy about doing this,you would not be asking Gransnet. I suggest you think really hard and deeply about this. Bear in mind that working for your daughter would be very different from working for a company with a formal contract. For example, if you were not feeling well one day while at your current job, presumably you could take sick time. You would have a real dilemma if that happened while working for your daughter.

Whatever you decide. Good luck

Applegran Tue 30-Jun-20 09:57:01

Think carefully and imagine your life if you do this, before you commit. I would also think very carefully about your relationship with your daughter and what it would feel like if she is employing you and any difficulties arise, or if you begin to feel you are not being paid enough, or you decide it isn't working but by then she is relying on you. It could all work out well - but its an unusual situation to be employed by your daughter, so needs thinking about carefully.

Farawaynanny Tue 30-Jun-20 09:58:26

Of course it must be your decision but this is a huge commitment. You will have little if any time for yourself, even to go shopping, see friends etc. Your weekends will be taken up with housework. When do you get some relaxation? What happens if you are unwell? What happens if one or all of the children are unwell? We all remember how bugs can affect a whole family. On the positive side, you get to spend lots of time with your grandchildren. I hope you make the decision that’s right for you.

Greciangirl Tue 30-Jun-20 09:58:43

How old are you, and do you have the energy?

It’s a different cup of tea, being self employed.
Also, can you afford to work for less.

If money is no problem, maybe work part time at nursery and look after your grandchildren part time.
If you can both work out suitable hours between you.
Obviously putting three children in nursery full time, isn’t an option.
When my Dd went back to work part time, I offered to pay some of my grandsons nursery fees to help her out.
Would that be an option for you, maybe. You could then carry on with your job.

Esmerelda Tue 30-Jun-20 09:59:14

Good advice, everybody. Lots of questions to be answered but, if you do decide to do it, follow the advice from Scentia and consult a business support service. And make sure you have a 'get out' clause!

Coconut Tue 30-Jun-20 10:00:32

I personally would, I would so love that quality time with my grandchildren all over again. However, perhaps you should chat further to ensure this is right for you. I presume it will be until the youngest starts school ? What age will you be then etc will you be able to retire then ? Write down all your concerns and chat from there, good luck ...

sazz1 Tue 30-Jun-20 10:00:54

I registered as a childminder when i gave up work to care for my grandson who was 10 months at the time. It was mainly so he could have company and other children to play with. It did cause quite a lot of friction between me and DS1 as he resented paying me half the going rate for childminding ie £2 an hour even though he was taking up a space and you are only allowed 3 children under 5 yrs. DIL put him in nursery at 2 yrs old. Think carefully about this as it can cause problems in the family.

NotSpaghetti Tue 30-Jun-20 10:01:06

I wouldn't do it. I'm afraid I see lots of possible pitfalls.
Please think carefully and make long lists of pros and cons before you decide.
Good luck.

Grannybadger Tue 30-Jun-20 10:01:38

I look after my grandchildren usually, however I am a Registered Childminder so have other children here. As a childminder you are self employed and set your own fees. What your daughter is offering us far less than she would have to pay a childminder in my area at least. Although childminder fees do vary across the country due to local dynamics.
You say you aren’t happy in your job at the nursery, childminding isn’t much different in some ways, and as others have said do you want to do it full time as it won’t give you any time to yourself. I personally wouldn’t do it full time for that money, and loss of my independence.

DeeDum Tue 30-Jun-20 10:02:09

Definitely not! For more reasons than I have time to list!!
Be careful..

semperfidelis Tue 30-Jun-20 10:02:53

I would say no to this. It could be hugely demanding and physically draining. You don't say what age you are and how fit you feel. Most importantly, you are entitled to a life of your own at this stage of your life. I would try to fit in with some of what she asks. Could you offer to do one day per week, and ask to reduce your hours at the nursery so that you can do this? If you don't enjoy your current nursery job, maybe you could find another? Could leaving your job completely have pension implications for you? Your own life independent of your daughter really matters.

Flossieturner Tue 30-Jun-20 10:02:57

You don’t say how old or fit you are, but I imagine this will be exhausting. I would think carefully about how this will affect you pension. You probably won’t receive sick pay either.

I did something similar for 9 months while my son did a course. It was not every day and, even though I am very fit, it was really tiring.

chocpuppy Tue 30-Jun-20 10:03:04

I don't know how old you are, but if the youngest is 3 months, in a few years you will be out of a job. Will that suit you? If you don't like your current job, that's a reason to leave it but not a reason to take the next job, you should take a new job because it's a job you want. If you were happy, would you leave this job to work for your daughter? If you take it and aren't happy, will you be able to leave your daughter's employ without it being terrible fraught? I lost a friend who worked for me, it just alters the balance of things when people work for one another. I realise you are family and that's stronger than friends..... Your hesitation is a red flag to me......

Susan56 Tue 30-Jun-20 10:04:57

I think only you can make this decision but another thing to take into account is that in just a few short years they will all be at school and you will then be without an income.You need to decide whether you can survive without an income or whether you will be able to find another job when the time comes.

I gave up my job to look after my granddaughter a couple of days a week and absolutely loved it,she will be going to school in September and we will do a couple of school runs and look after her baby brother.My husband has now retired so there will be two of us to share the care which I am glad about as it can be exhausting.The school run can be a nightmare with parking,think of a wet day and trying to get a baby in the pram,a toddler and then the school age child as well all into the car.

Another thing is will you be looking after the children at your house or your daughters house?We looked after our granddaughter at our house and made the conservatory her play room.It meant that if we were exhausted at the end of the day I could just shut the door and sort the mess the next day.With the best will in the world toddlers and babies can be very messy.

If you decide to go ahead,I found mother and toddler groups brilliant and usually only a couple of pounds per family.Also our library did reading and singing sessions which were free.

We will be looking after DD1’s two children two days a week and DD2’s little boy one day a week from September.I love looking after them and we have such a close relationship with our granddaughter having looked after her a couple of days a week for three years now.Full time is a lot to ask but if you can manage financially and have the energy it is the best job in the world.

jaylucy Tue 30-Jun-20 10:05:22

£700 for a 40 hour week? She's 'avin a laugh!
What happens if you are ill - even something as simple as a stomach upset or a heavy cold ? will she be paying you sick pay and make alternative arrangements?
Mind you, I bet there are many mums reading this that are doing an equivalent for free!
Please think very hard about this and get the proper advice about tax , pension etc before you make a decision - this is one time when head has to rule the heart.

Pippa22 Tue 30-Jun-20 10:07:52

It seems to me that already your family are taking advantage of you. The money is poor for a professional working those hours. You will have to arrange to pay your own tax. Also you should be entitled to meals on duty. This will turn a happy family situation into a boss, employee one which I wouldn’t like at all. Think really very hard about how this might affect the family dinamics.