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Grandparenting

Looking after Grandkids dilemna

(14 Posts)
Gran32 Wed 08-Jul-20 12:15:39

Hi all. I'm new here. I feel very confused. I've been shielding until recently as I was taking steroids but my daughter is putting me under pressure to start having the kids again. She's never taken covid19 or the fact that I live with rheumatoid disease seriously. She doesn't socially distance but wants help now. If I don't, she'll lose her job so I'm losing sleep. I know the rates are dropping but I also know how nasty this disease is as 3 of my family members had it and are still dealing with the aftermath

Gran32 Wed 08-Jul-20 12:16:28

Hi all. I'm new here. I feel very confused. I've been shielding until recently as I was taking steroids but my daughter is putting me under pressure to start having the kids again. She's never taken covid19 or the fact that I live with rheumatoid disease seriously. She doesn't socially distance but wants help now. If I don't, she'll lose her job so I'm losing sleep. I know the rates are dropping but I also know how nasty this disease is as 3 of my family members had it and are still dealing with the aftermath

Babyshark Wed 08-Jul-20 12:22:48

What an awful predicament for you! I don’t think there’s an easy answer as your daughter is clearly being unreasonable but for the record I think your daughter is being incredibly unfair and selfish. She should be showing you more consideration. I would advise you stand firm and refuse but I understand it’s easy to say and not so easy for you to do and live with the consequences

Gran32 Wed 08-Jul-20 17:59:07

Babyshark you're right. Thanks for listening

LilyMcD Fri 10-Jul-20 18:32:41

It is not your fault that you have RA - and this a compromised immune system. If you need to stay isolated from family , be wise and do it. Where will your availability be in the future if you get sicker or weaker ? She may lose her job , but your health is more important than that.

maydonoz Fri 10-Jul-20 20:14:52

Hi Gran32
This is a difficult situation you find yourself in, but I would suggest you have a conversation with your daughter regarding other options for her childcare. You need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. You need lots of energy to childmind and if you are/have been shielding then you need to be careful re social distancing etc. I hope you have the courage to stand your ground and good luck.

Toadinthehole Sat 11-Jul-20 15:16:06

It’s really difficult. I can understand you’re worried about her job...but it’s more important you look after your health. If you became ill, it could be months before you could help her again. You need to have a conversation with her, and try to find a workable solution.

Gran32 Mon 13-Jul-20 23:39:27

Hi all. I lost the argument. Having the kids 2 mornings next week and then after school 2 evenings in September

Esspee Mon 13-Jul-20 23:51:19

Seems there was no point in asking for advice then and the kind people who responded have wasted their time.

Namsnanny Tue 14-Jul-20 00:03:08

Oh dear! I suppose you can still revisit the topic though Gran32 if you get health problems during this time.

Namsnanny Tue 14-Jul-20 00:04:26

Not really Esspee. Have you wasted your time posting that?

pinkquartz Tue 14-Jul-20 00:31:15

Gran32
to talk to DD again..She needs a Plan in case you get ill.

I have had COvid and I am still a wreck after 4.5 months.

It is not like flu and if it hits it hits hard if you are weak
Take care

honeyrose Sat 18-Jul-20 09:59:23

Oh dear, Gran32. Sounds like your DD is very persuasive. It’s a difficult situation and I do emphasise with both you and your DD, but she does need a back-up plan, which I realise is easier said that done at the present time. I completely agree with the lady who said if you don’t look after yourself, you can’t look after others. And, to the respondent who was a bit harsh - have a heart! You are obviously a very caring lady. Remember to extend that card to yourself too. All the best!

honeyrose Sat 18-Jul-20 12:51:34

Should have said in third sentence from the end - “you are obviously a very caring lady, Gran32”. Reading it back, I realise I missed your name off so it may have sounded a bit ambiguous! Sorry. Hope you get the situation resolved, but it’s a very tricky one!