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2 year old granddaughter behaviour

(18 Posts)
gillst Fri 14-Aug-20 21:29:45

Hi, just after a bit of advice. My son and partner have just had their 2nd daughter this week. My grandaughter seems to have accepted the baby and is very gentle. Her behaviour has changed though, as in she has started screaming and crying through out the day. I find it difficult to give advice as I don't want to be the interfering grandparent.
I try to help them out by having her but work full time. She is always so well behaved when she is with us, as soon as she gets home she's like a different girl. They understand that she is adjusting to the new way of life after having mum and dad to herself, but its exhausting them.
Any helpful advice would be great smile

Callistemon Fri 14-Aug-20 21:43:51

She's two. She can't express how she feels any other way. She's had to go to your house whilst mummy and daddy are at home with this intruder. You can give her your undivided attention and she doesn't have that at home any more.

Can she be involved more eg help with the baby, cuddle up to her mummy while mummy is feeding baby? Fetch nappies etc and be ' Mummy's big girl'?
Some psychology needed. Or just common sense, really.

If they are both at home then her father needs to concentrate on her or look after the baby while mum gives her undivided attention.

MissAdventure Fri 14-Aug-20 21:46:40

She has seen how the baby gets attention through screaming and crying, and is trying it out, too.

Callistemon Fri 14-Aug-20 21:47:30

I tried that but no-one takes any notice

gillst Fri 14-Aug-20 22:01:30

I hope I didn't make it sound as if they are wanting her out of the way. My son has 3 weeks off work and is doing his best to keep all the girls in the house happy. Its new for all of them, guessing she will settle into the new routine eventually smile

PinkCakes Fri 14-Aug-20 22:03:02

she's just a baby herself, really. She's been "sent away" to your place whilst the new baby is getting all the attention from Mum and Dad. Why haven't they got the 2 year old with them at home?

ElaineI Fri 14-Aug-20 22:03:09

I'll comfort you Callistemon! Your advice is good. Some time with mummy alone especially when baby is not in the room may help but at 2 she is too young to understand that her position as baby has been usurped and is jealous. Sometimes going the other way from being "a big girl" can help. Yes she is still mummy and daddy's baby. She can play with the baby toys and have baby cuddles, maybe have her milk in a bottle or breast feed (lots of people tandem feed toddlers). Sibling rivalry (sorry) carries on till they leave home! DD1 having this issue with 6 and 3 yo!

lemongrove Fri 14-Aug-20 22:10:00

Just patience is needed and a lot of attention when possible from Mum and Dad.My DD was two when I had our second child, and naturally she played up ( I don’t blame her).
A new toy, something you know she will love to play with will help in the meantime, and an outing with you if possible.

Oopsminty Fri 14-Aug-20 22:14:27

I'm always impressed by how well toddlers/small children take to their new siblings

All their lives they've been the only one and then suddenly this cuckoo appears. Mummy and Daddy exclaiming how lovely it is for them to have a baby brother/sister to play with

Imagine if your husband suddenly appeared with some young woman and says that it's great to have another woman in the house and he's sure we'll learn to love each other and share our toys.

I'd not be impressed

welbeck Fri 14-Aug-20 22:19:31

and share our toys.

is that a euphemism ...?

Oopsminty Fri 14-Aug-20 22:24:51


and share our toys.

is that a euphemism ...?


FarNorth Fri 14-Aug-20 22:25:20

She has seen how the baby gets attention through screaming and crying, and is trying it out, too.
I think that's exactly it.
She doesn't know that she's suddenly become the 'big girl' and can't be expected to understand that.
Could you mind the baby sometimes, so that the little girl can have undivided attention from her mum & dad?

Callistemon Fri 14-Aug-20 23:17:33

Thank you Elaine1

I found that new babies in our household came with presents for their older siblings. For little girls it was a baby doll with a change of clothes, nappies and a bottle just like Mummy's new baby.

Callistemon Fri 14-Aug-20 23:20:21

Well, not that mummy's new baby was bottle fed. DGD1 used to pretend to feed her dolly just like mummy fed DGD2!

Grammaretto Sat 15-Aug-20 05:30:00

It's a bit late to warn them now gillst
Small children are exhausting. shock
Congratulations on your new DGD.
You are doing all the right things and it will get easier.
My boys were the best of friends enemies and still are.
I was so worried before the baby was born that my big boy of 21months would be jealous and was surprised that he was so kind and sweet with the baby but he took out his frustration on us me and started to have tantrums.
Happy days!

gillst Sat 15-Aug-20 17:44:02

She isn't being sent away, I have her once a week usually an afternoon. All I meant was I just want to help out when I can

gillst Sat 15-Aug-20 17:57:27

They are getting on great, was just interested if other people had similar experiences

Madgran77 Sat 15-Aug-20 18:15:05

I think they need to ensure that they plan in some time just for her as often as possible. Half an hour of special time from one parent...very regularly. Get her to help with baby whenever it is possible. [collecting/holding things for mum/dad; sitting at one end of bath with baby in baby bath in bath, held by mum/dad...gently pouring water on her baby] Explain why baby is crying, explain that she cant talk yet so cries to express herself. Talk about how she can express her feelings. When crying and screaming, acknowledge she is upset, ask if she wants a cuddle, instead of asking what is the matter. Just cuddle her and acknowledge that she is upset. Make her feel special every way they can but most of all ensure she has regular bursts of individual attention.

My son was 21 months when his sister was born. All the above tactics helped him.