Just found out I’m going to be a granny yesterday. I cried and cried...more so because I’d like to be involved as a grandparent but feeling so sorry because my DIL is all about her large family and I’m always brushed to the side and left alone. I was a divorced mom who always put my son first. I never had a relationship because my son was my priority. I have no siblings nor aunts or uncles. It was just us. We were so close....always together...until he met this lady. The first time I met her, she told me that she has never met her grandparents and uncles on her dads side, who live in town, because her dad stopped talking to them on the day her parents were married because they were jealous of her mother! Wow! Then I told my son I was worried that this will happen to us if he gets involved with that family. That’s what they are used to! The mother runs the how and they are very overpowering! He assured me it wouldn’t happen with him. Well she slowly alienated him from his 2 lifelong best friends and me. Its all about her large family now. They live 5 minutes away from me and I hardly see them. Maybe a handful of times a year. However they are always socializing with her family every weekend. My son never comes to see me alone...he says she’ll get upset...for the last 2 years I’ve given and given. Kept my mouth shut because I know he tells her everything. The last couple of months have been heartbreaking...I’ve had health issues and I’ve gotten one short text from my son weekly or a 5 minute phone call weekly, asking how I’m doing! He can’t get off the phone fast enough. Never anything from her. I have always prepared the big holiday meals but this week haven’t been well and was feeling down and told them so...so she said she’d do something. It ended up being a brief backyard visit...after lunch yesterday with a bottle of water. Outdoor because of Covid according to her. No food should exchange hands....On Friday however they went to her mothers place and spent the entire day there with the 10 people of her family. A few who are hospital workers. She said they were outside but it was a terribly cold day and I doubt that totally...7 hours outside! Anyway yesterday, outside with masks, after they opened the gifts and groceries for a festive meal, I brought them, I was told that I’m going to be a grandma. I started crying uncontrollably...they thought these were tears of happiness..but more so they were tears of sorrow because I know I will never be let to have a loving, close relationship with this child. My son asked her if he could hug me...she didn’t reply...he asked again...she didn’t reply again! (Imagine! he feels that he has to ask for her permission to hug his mother!) He then got up and hugged me. I hadn’t been hugged since last Feb when Covid started! After an hour or so, she hinted that they had to start cooking their Easter dinner...the food I brought them...I understood it was time for me to leave. A couple of hours later I realized I forgot my sunglasses there. Turning the corner I saw her parents car in the driveway...I went to the back yard and picked up my glasses. They were inside the house...eating. Even though they had her family meal in Friday. There they were together again! Nobody saw me. Imagine how hurt I am feeling. They know I’m alone...not once did they ever invite me to any of their many functions with her family. My son saw how I treated my parents...always cooked and cleaned for them...looked after them both at home when they were dying. Anyway now...I don’t know what to do. Am I suppose to call her directly weekly and ask her how she’s feeling during this pregnancy or just do what she does for me...do nothing?...either way she will find fault with it. How do I treat this pregnancy situation? How do I handle this relationship that is tearing me apart!
Being quizzed by chemist's assistant in Boots.