My 30 yr old son and his wife have a 18month old daughter, who I adore. Son is in police force and does some late shifts but mostly has weekends off, D-I-L also in the police force works 3 days a week. I’m very aware of giving them time together and not intruding, however whenever I ask to visit I usually get 1 1:2 hours before D-I-L says she needs bub to wind down for her nap or bedtime. Which is my cue to get going. I am never given any time on my own with her and always heavily supervised so much so last week I didn’t even get the opportunity to read a book or play with her in anyway. I was expected to just sit and watch her play with her mum. If I tried to do something DIL distracted her to go to her and read a book or play with something. DIL sees her own mum and dad at least twice a week and only her mum is allowed to babysit. I feel like I’m not being given a real chance to have a relationship with my grand daughter and today at my sons 30th luncheon at a restaurant, was completely ignored by DIL. Her own mum and dad took bub for a while and when I tried to take her for a walk DIL took her and said she was sick. I don’t know how to handle my DIL. She hasn’t approved of anything I’ve ever given my granddaughter as a gift and won’t let her play with the toys I’ve given her, and it’s got to the point where I feel everything I say and do is wrong so increasingly I’m withdrawing too scared to say anything other than pleasantries and too scared to buy anything without approval. In a group like today it was so obvious bub doesn’t really recognise me or know me enough to come to me. I feel so incredibly sad that I’m unable to enjoy fully being a Nanna in the way I had hoped and after having two boys was so excited to have a grand daughter. I’m trying to see it from DIL perspective and I recognise she is highly strung and needs to control every aspect of her life or she feels anxious. However I feel sidelined and that she sees no value in me whatsoever and that I’m being tolerated as MIL. I don’t feel I can say anything to my son as he will just tell DIL and I don’t think anything good will come of it. I don’t really know what to do other than what I’ve been doing which is be loving and supportive and regularly visiting when allowed. I am not normally a person who lets others walk all over me but am fearful of rocking the boat as she has all the power in the relationship. Was hoping for other grandparents perspective on this situation.
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