Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Am I being too hard?

(100 Posts)
pattieb Mon 02-Aug-21 20:13:31

Son and grandson (and 12) came the other day.
GS was running up and down garden whilst I was timing him.
He slipped and hurt his hand.
Apart from feeling bad that he had fallen on my flagstones, I was shocked at how son reacted. Very soft, immediately gave pain killers, asked for a bandage.
I’d put cold compress on.
Today GS should have been at a rugby fun day but didn’t go due to hand.
This has happened before when he was to go somewhere.
My kids would have been encouraged to go ‘and see how you get on’
Is this how kids are these days or am I being hard?

JaneJudge Mon 02-Aug-21 20:15:50

I think kids are fussed too much. I made mine get up with a dust down, said are you fine? and they'd mainly just carry on
My Mother says I am hard though...

I think some people do fuss them too much and I'm going to be unpopular but I think it makes them cry and pester more

JaneJudge Mon 02-Aug-21 20:16:29

sorry for repetitive response blush

Sara1954 Mon 02-Aug-21 20:19:12

I agree ‘up you get, you’re fine’ is what my grandchildren get, obviously if there’s lots of blood involved it’s a slightly different matter, but generally it works. The littlest one, who is two, is a very brave girl.

absent Mon 02-Aug-21 20:19:54

A slightly older friend told me how she was with her grandmother during the war when the house was bombed. They were, I think, in the cupboard under the stairs and not injured. However, they were very dusty and dirty. Her grandmother helped her clean herself up and then sent her off to school. Those were the days…

MissAdventure Mon 02-Aug-21 20:21:02

I can remember being small and bewildered, thinking "I'm sure I'm not fine!"
Yes though, I'm in the "Up you get" camp.

Gwyneth Mon 02-Aug-21 20:26:56

No I don’t think you were too hard and I agree with janejudges* comment. That’s the way I brought mine up. Parents appear to be over protective these days.

Soozikinzi Mon 02-Aug-21 20:26:58

My dad died in half term when I was 6 in the 60s and I still remember the look on the teachers face when we were in the school on the Monday. But what would be the point of us moping around at home ? Another of the dust down and get on with it gang here !

Spinnaker Mon 02-Aug-21 20:27:25

Up you get, no bones broken and no blood to see - you're fine. Magic kiss from Granny on whatever hurts and you're good to go smile

SueDonim Mon 02-Aug-21 20:28:01

My GC don’t get fussed over. Two of the GD’s are fearless anyway and seem to shrug off any falls and bumps. All their parents work FT and I don’t think have any time to make a fuss!

As a child, I broke my arm. I got the one day off school, and that was only because it was after midnight by the time we got back from hospital, having had my arm reset with no anaesthetic, and plastered.

MissAdventure Mon 02-Aug-21 20:55:24

I'm sure I remember someone on here saying they got a door slammed on their fingers, then their mum told them off for making a show of themselves by yelling in pain.

pattieb Mon 02-Aug-21 21:01:18

Phew!
Thanks for all your positive replies.
I want to say something about it to my son but don’t want a falling out.
I do worry though that he needs to toughen up.

MissAdventure Mon 02-Aug-21 21:02:49

Probably best not to say anything...
I'm sure he will learn not to make a fuss as he gets older.

Aldom Mon 02-Aug-21 21:07:52

I was a 10 year old, it was 1953. About 8.30am. I remember I was reaching up to take my coat down from the peg. My mother came in to my bedroom. She told me that my daddy had died at 6am that morning. Ten minutes later I was at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to school for the day. I was crying as we lined up to go into school. When I told the children round about me that my daddy had died they didn't believe me. Eventually a kind, motherly teacher put her arm around me and took me into school.

TrendyNannie6 Mon 02-Aug-21 21:11:58

I wouldn’t say a word to your son, it’s his way of dealing with things, I am a get up dust yourself down and carry on brigade too, but I wouldn’t mention it

Septimia Mon 02-Aug-21 21:13:50

Sometimes parents can be too soft with their children and sometimes too hard. Difficult to get the right balance.

But in the case of the OP's grandson I'd say: initial sympathy, check and deal appropriately with injury, carry on as normal.

Shelflife Mon 02-Aug-21 21:24:55

No you are not too hard . However each generation parents differently from the previous generation . When my children were small I was very much the " up you get , your're fine" type. My Mum was the same , if feeling under the weather she would say " you will be better in the morning" it is important to recognize the pain of a grazed knee but after a little sympathy I think a positive " you are fine " attitude is called for .

BlueBelle Mon 02-Aug-21 21:37:52

Well when my granddaughter fell as a young child about 5 my daughter brushed her down dried her tears and told her she’d be fine however she’d actually broken her wrist and my daughter felt so guilty as she didn’t know for a few days it wasn’t an obvious looking break
I don’t really think you’re son did anything wrong in bandaging the arm and giving a couple of paracetamols
Not knowing what pain he was in I couldn’t comment on the next day activities
Anyway it’s for your son and daughter in law to work out how to handle it and they way isn’t necessary your way I don’t think you can judge a whole generation by one situation

Hithere Mon 02-Aug-21 21:39:33

If your gc didnt play the next day, he might have hurt his hand worse than you think

Your son sounds like a great father

Jaxjacky Mon 02-Aug-21 21:58:09

My GS would’ve wanted to go to rugby, I’m also of the brush them down and on you go, after a check and cuddle, so is my DD.

DerbyshireLass Mon 02-Aug-21 22:07:32

I had to be on a stretcher before my parents took any notice.

Fell off a horse when I was 13, had concussion. Was allowed to go to bed and "sleep if off". (The mind boggles). No medical attention, nothing.

20 years later when I had an x ray for back pain, they found an old fracture. They asked me how I had sustained the injury.,....I couldn't remember anything and they said well it's quite a bad one. I racked my brains and finally remembered the riding accident and they said that yes that would be it, the timescales fit.

Now I have arthritis in that shoulder.....

Had stomach problems from the age of about 7. My parents thought I was "playing up". Turns out it was diet related, compounded by stress at being shouted at for "making a fuss about nothing" and "attention seeking". Ended up with a full blown stomach ulcer at 17.

I took better care of my kids.......

Pattibe......maybe your son was over cautious, maybe he wasn't. Maybe your GS injury turned out to be more painful and serious than you at first suspected. I think your son sounds like a good and conscientious father.

GagaJo Mon 02-Aug-21 22:21:17

My GS fell out of a tree today. A bit of a whimper, but picked himself up and said 'I OK'. He's a tough cookie. His mum was too as a child and generally still is now too.

That isn't to say GS gets ignored. He was at A&E two weeks ago (squirted a cleaner that had bleach in it, in his mouth 🙄 🤷). But active children are ALWAYS knocking and bumping themselves.

Txquiltz Mon 02-Aug-21 22:41:20

The pendulum swing is wide between overreacting and under reacting. This is probably best left to the parent with a kind smile for the grandchild. Somehow we usually make it through childhood and go on to raise another generation.

BlueBelle Mon 02-Aug-21 22:45:17

That doesn’t mean that ‘patties’ son was wrong to look after his son the way he did
I wonder how she would have felt if she’d brushed him down told him to get on with his playing then found he’d broken his wrist
It’s down to the parents and not for Pattie to make judgements on how they respond to their children’s falls and upsets
He sounds a sensible Dad darbyshirelass makes a valid post

March Mon 02-Aug-21 22:48:25

I suppose it depends on how bad he hurt it.

I remember my dad didn't believe me when I said I'd hurt my foot. He made me walk round a big park and I was sobbing.
Turns out I'd broke it.

Always promised myself I'd believe my kid if they said something hurt.