I am new on this community.
Myself and husband are step grandparents to 3 children , aged 10 ,8 & 7.
They have been in our lives for 5 years, we have all bonded really well & we have enjoyed every second of it.
The children have no contact with their real father & that side of the family including the grandparents.
Our sons girlfriend has now had baby no 4 , our granddaughter , 10 months ago.
We have been totally overjoyed with this.
However grandparenthood hasnt quite turned out how we expected it to be with our new granddaughter.
Our son works really hard building up his new business that he set up two years ago hence he works very long hours 7 days a week. His girlfriend is full time mom , stays at home & takes care of the children & the home & equally works just his hard.
Unfortunately after her fourth child she suffers with postnatal depression and coupled with that is still breastfeeding & therefore extremely tired.
She didnt get on with expressing milk & prefers to breastfeed as this is her first time.
During lockdown we were in their bubble and we were very hands-on looking after the three older children and not the baby. We did at times feel that she was quite possessive with the new baby but felt we couldn’t say anything given the circumstances and therefore allowed a lot of space and continued to help out in other ways
i.e. taking the older children out of the house for weekends away at our house. day trips out all that sort of thing.
Generally we have been very hands on as we possibly could and always been very mindful not to show the new baby any more attention than the other grandchildren.
During lockdown we decided to relocate & move out from the city to the country ( 50 min drive ) so that our son and his family could come to stay weekends and have a much needed breaks.
We took out a mortgage and bought a bigger house to accommodate us all and so during lockdown that worked really well. Our youngest son also came home during that time too for 9 months with his dog.
Our granddaughter is now 10 months old, our son has told us they may separate as they are finding it hard to get along.
His girlfriend is fed up with his drinking and our son is fed up of her squandering money , now not cleaning the house, no longer cooking and generally not speaking to him.
His girlfriend has thrown him out on two occasions in the last 2 months and he has come back home to stay. They have only agreed to be together during the school hols so not interrupt the children’s summer activities & days out.
We have tried to remain so neutral while all this is going & not to offer any form of advice because there’s so many factors involved here.
However I am angry & devastated to find out that our son checked her mobile phone and read some of her private messages which in itself is awful behaviour.
In these private messages between herself & friends she had been criticising me quite unfairly and also talked amongst her friends about ‘fleecing ‘ our son.
It wasn’t my son who told me about this, she text and told me herself & explained the reason why he is now at your house it’s because he checked my phone.
She said she was deeply sorry for the things that she said about me which were totally unjustified and uncalled for and that he had every right to be furious about this.
We chatted face-to-face the next day as I called her and asked if we could talk in person. She said that over the years we have been fantastic grandparents to her three children.
His girlfriend is very unhappy that our son is so sociable with his family ( we are a huge family) and his girlfriend is very much an introvert and happy staying at home most nights most weekends.
She did say to me that she knows she is going to find it very difficult financially if they separate.
She did say that she would not stop us from seeing the children and I replied that I would hope that we could really just try and get along regardless of what’s going happen as the children are very important to us and we all love them ALL.
However I am devastated and very hurt as already I feel that she is making it quite difficult in terms of seeing the children.
I.e. each time I say that we are going to pop over or would it be okay to pop in ,
she replies , we’re out or doing something.
She seems to be quite happy for us to take out the older 3 children but having the baby not so.
We have not even had baby over on a sleepover or on our own for more an hour.
I can honestly say we have bonded more with three children than our new grandchildren.
We feel rather helpless to be honest and really don’t know what to do or say at the moment.
Our son seems to be bending over backwards trying to split his time between work and taking the children out & doing lots of activities with them.
I feel annoyed at myself for not being more forthcoming about having contact with the new baby. But I know that she will not allow the other grandparents see her 3 children. ( they do send cards & monetary gifts to the children)
I am terrified the same will happen with us should they spilt.
I’d really appreciate any advice given from the grandparents on here on how we should move forward?
Or do we just keep a step back like we have been ?
Calalilly Thu 02-Sep-21 12:49:03
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Redhead56 Thu 02-Sep-21 17:45:15
Bibbity Thu 02-Sep-21 17:51:55
OneOfThoseDIL Thu 02-Sep-21 18:26:23
Hithere Thu 02-Sep-21 18:36:12
Hithere Thu 02-Sep-21 18:37:51
OneOfThoseDIL Thu 02-Sep-21 20:09:56
Hithere Thu 02-Sep-21 20:44:48
CafeAuLait Thu 02-Sep-21 23:37:44
Madgran77 Fri 03-Sep-21 07:38:38
love0c Fri 03-Sep-21 08:53:39
Grandmabatty Fri 03-Sep-21 17:41:16
Oopsadaisy1 Fri 03-Sep-21 18:52:19
Calalilly Fri 03-Sep-21 22:01:15
Neen Tue 21-Sep-21 15:57:48