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Grandson angel. Now teen devil!

(11 Posts)
Flower61 Tue 14-Sep-21 12:15:50

Hi, my grandson who is 15 has gone from being a lad who was a typical teen to a six foot two angry boy. I know all about teenage angst I raised his mother who was a nightmare. He didn't know his dad as he was physically abusive to her when she was pregnant. My daughter then had failed relationships and also she had our second grandson who needs a lot of attention as he has ADHD.
My older grandson has now become rude arrogant and sarcastic especially to his grandad. He was with us for lunch the weekend and openly said he didn't want to come. He doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything and constantly tells his mom he'd rather live anywhere else but with her. I was holding scissors and he snatched them from me I tried to get them back because he ignored me however he then became very angry and pushed me backwards luckily the sofa stopped me falling completely. His mom said nothing and didn't ask if I was ok. My other daughter told him to apologise and help me up but he then looked like he was going to punch her. He then stormed out and we didn't see him again my daughter then left and she apologized by text next day. I'm so worried about him the school has given him counselling but to them he seems fine. He really needs to talk all this through. My daughter says she can't do anything as there's a two year waiting list with the NHS she doesn't see a problem it just doesn't get mentioned again no apology by him nd she says he just gets over excited. My grandson is the one that needs help but I don't know what to do?

eazybee Tue 14-Sep-21 13:20:44

Do not have him in your house again, seriously.
There were three adults there and he attacked you; he is dangerous.
Your daughter must organise help for him; you have not got the authority to do it.
Horrible situation.

lemongrove Tue 14-Sep-21 13:37:35

We have the same problem, although our DGS is a bit older than that.He is not violent to us, just to his parents.
I am assuming that he has MH problems anyway? If so, there is little you can do except to talk to the boy when he is in a calm mood and explain that you won’t be able to have him to visit if he ever behaves in this way to you, either yelling insults at you or pushing you.If he doesn’t care about never visiting again then he won’t be bothered, but if that would affect him then he may ( may!) not do it again.
Will he talk to you about why he has become this way?
My DGS won’t, but he has autism and just clams up about it or becomes angry.It’s a real problem, but as these boys become tall and strong, both you and your DD will have to involve Social Services if it continues.Having said that, they haven’t been at all helpful in the case of my DGS, but she must try.
If he hurts her or you then you can call the police, as sometimes a talking to from them sobers them up.Good luck.

rafichagran Tue 14-Sep-21 13:49:01

He is 6ft and dangerous, do not have him in your house. Everyone talks about his mental health, but that does not excuse bad behaviour in your house. He needs help.
You need to feel safe in your home.
I hope this situation gets better for everyone.

nanna8 Tue 14-Sep-21 13:55:21

That is scary because if he does that to you what on earth is he doing to his mother? He needs help and urgently, too. Could his mum speak to a counsellor, maybe not social services but someone private ?

MerylStreep Tue 14-Sep-21 14:07:07

Flower61
Does your daughter check his online activity?
Does she know who he’s mixing with outside the home?
Is there any suspicion of drugs, watching pornography.
All these issues are open to teenage boys and girls now.

Flower61 Wed 15-Sep-21 13:55:12

Thank you all so much for your comments. I really appreciate them.

BlueBelle Wed 15-Sep-21 14:50:34

Flower61 I m not going to say never have him in your house because I wouldn’t follow that advice myself …. he does needs help though
There is a reason he is so angry and it may well be linked with what he’s seen and heard throughout the ‘failed relationships’ or it may be the difficulties he’s had with a half brother with ADHD whatever it is he needs someone to talk it through with
A teenager with anger problems is usually a very frightened teen with his world out of control
Of course you are worried it’s horrible because I m sure you love him to bits and are really upset
Could drugs be involved ? Could he be being bullied which he then brings home a classic man hits wife, wife slaps kid, kid kicks the cat …could he have ever been abused
Unfortunately only your daughter can get him the help he needs and she doesn’t seem bothered but maybe you can find some phone numbers for her There are charity counselling groups which may not have such a long waiting list as the NHS Do you have a male family member (uncle or older cousin?) who could have a man to man talk to him without getting angry
Something is making him frightened and out of control I really really feel for you but I feel for him too

Shelflife Wed 15-Sep-21 15:20:43

This is a serious situation and for what ever reason your daughter is not addressing the problem. This is far worse than " just getting over excited" I do hope you can find the right time to speak with your daughter. Your GS need professional help, sooner rather than later! He pushed you and you were lucky not to be hurt , clearly he is very angry and there will be reasons for that - although he may not be aware himself of those reasons. Rude and arrogant to his Grandfather too! My GS is 15 and also very tall , if he did that to me I would most definitely speak to his parents and encourage them to seek help - GP would be the first port of call. I fear this will escalate if not dealt with very soon . For his sake and the whole family this must be addressed. Good luck !

VioletSky Wed 15-Sep-21 15:31:55

I know this is the last thing most of us would want to do with our own family but, if he assaults someone he should be reported.

He needs help now, not in 2 years and it may be the only way to keep him and his family safe.

Please don't try to wrestle scissors off him, one of you could have been seriously hurt. If his mum can't cope with him, making him face the consequences of that sort of behaviour might be the only way forward. He may be fast tracked to counselling, cognitive behaviour therapy or anger management and it could really help him even if it hurts to do

sodapop Wed 15-Sep-21 17:44:27

I'm sorry to hear of your problematic grandson Flower61 so difficult to deal with.
A word of hope for you, my grandson went through a dreadful stage like this only verbal abuse and general bad behaviour. He is now 27 engaged, buying a house and in a steady job. Fingers crossed your grandson comes good as well.