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Grandparenting

Super Fun Grandad v Boring Granny

(67 Posts)
Bree16 Mon 20-Sep-21 17:02:11

My son, his partner and their two children have moved to our area, which we are really chuffed about.
Or grandsons are 4 & 18 months.

I’m not quite sure how I am going to ‘fit in’ and be a wanted part of the kiddies lives.
Grandad, my husband, is 100% brilliant with children, ALL children - it’s one of the first things that attracted me to him all those years ago. He is fun & silly and chases them around making them laugh, etc. etc. Consequently they naturally seek him out at all times and because I’m just boring granny they are not that interested in me.
I’ve seen my friends as grandmothers and they are just like me, so I don’t think I am abnormal, it’s just that grandad is much more fun & on a childish level with them.
I need to find a way that I can be included but still be me - I can’t pretend to be on a par with my husband because it wouldn’t be natural & I’m pretty sure the boys would sniff it out from a mile away.
Any suggestions?

DiscoDancer1975 Mon 20-Sep-21 17:06:53

I think it’s because they’re boys. I have five grandsons, one just born this morning 🤗, and three granddaughters. The grandsons definitely veer towards my husband, but the girls don’t. Try not to worry. Just be you, and let your husband be him. If you try to copy, they’ll sense it, and it may just look weird. Do you think there could be any more grandchildren? Maybe you’ll get a granddaughter.

Silverbridge Mon 20-Sep-21 17:17:37

Ah, but there has to be some quiet time when you sit down with a book or a toy to explore and they use their minds while their bodies take a rest. Maybe grandad can sit in the kitchen with a cool drink after all that exertion while you have some quality time with them.

I used to babysit some friends’ boys who were that age. We’d play Where’s Wally before bedtime making up stories about the pictures he was hiding in. Dad was football mad as they have grown up to be. We used to have a lot to say about Willy’s red and white stripey jumper and bobble hat!

Madgran77 Mon 20-Sep-21 17:27:55

What do you enjoy doing? Cooking? Art? Gardening? Sewing? Computing?...Whatever it is, you can create Grandma time through introducing them to your hobby/interests in an age appropriate way. I do watercolours and I love cooking and reading. Very much developed these as my "fun with Nanny" activities and my grandchildren who are now 9 and 7 love it!! And over the years have developed their skills in all those areas

rafichagran Mon 20-Sep-21 17:43:27

Congratulations Discodancer

3dognight Mon 20-Sep-21 17:52:59

How lovely disco dancer, congratulations too. I wouldn’t mind another gc, but it won’t happen now.

Daisytwoshoes Mon 20-Sep-21 18:29:03

Hello Bree16 it’s just the same here my 2 DGS both love grandad to bits .and he’s the one they love to play with .as he does all the things your hubby does with them.
But I’m the one they come to if they need a hug or aren’t feeling well .or if they are hungry!! Lol
Also do colouring and play board games .make cup cakes , days out together, going to the park
Just relax enjoy your boys and have fun

BlueBelle Mon 20-Sep-21 18:42:38

I used to play football with my grandson out in the ally and on the beach I ve got a photo of me on his little bike legs out coming down a hill
Get down and be silly with them it’s not only grandads that can have fun

BlueBelle Mon 20-Sep-21 18:45:48

Ps he didn’t have a granddad and his dad died so I had to be the daft one

Witzend Mon 20-Sep-21 18:47:48

Quiet cuddles and reading a book to them.

DiscoDancer1975 Mon 20-Sep-21 18:52:59

Thank you rafichagran and 3dognight

H1954 Mon 20-Sep-21 18:54:54

It might be a bit soon for the little one but have you considered making little cakes and getting the 4 year old to help ice and decorate them? Or roll out some cookie dough, both children could use a pastry cutter under supervision.

Make some potato stamps, get some washable poster paints and all of you have fun making pictures.

Child's play doesn't have to be boystrous all the time and Grandpa should acknowledge this too so maybe get him to put on a baking pinny too.

Grandmadinosaur Mon 20-Sep-21 19:14:59

In my experience it’s not because of being a boy.
I have one grandson and yes he loves and plays rough and tumble etc with grandad. However him and me also have a great relationship. So much so that in his nursery leaving book he had to write in who his best friends were. It included 3 of his friends and me!! I was so touched. We have spent time with him once a week since a small baby. We have taken him out to places ie park,theatre, seaside, picnics, museums etc as well as things like baking, reading and shown him so many things.
I’d say just get stuck in and play with them, talk to them. I always say you reap what you sew.
Enjoy them they won’t be small forever.

Grandmadinosaur Mon 20-Sep-21 19:17:16

Congratulations on your new grandson Discodancer

Lolo81 Mon 20-Sep-21 19:18:08

Playing cards was my gran’s thing with all her GC. Started with snap and pairs and as we got older she taught us rummy and gin and all sorts of games. Betting for smarties when we were older as well 😂😂

Maybe think fo something you enjoy that can grow as the children do (like cards) and that could be your thing OP.

We all played cards with gran for the rest of her days - even when her mind wasn’t the sharpest she still loved a game of snap from her sick bed!!

Bree16 Mon 20-Sep-21 19:29:47

Congratulations DiscoDancer 😊 👶

Thanks to everyone for taking the time out to reply - loads of great suggestions which I will be trying out - just need to prise them away from grandad now.

DiscoDancer1975 Tue 21-Sep-21 09:31:44

Thank you Grandmadinosaur and Bree16. Yes...just enjoy Bree. Relationships go back and forth anyway, as the children change ages. All the best.

Sparklefizz Tue 21-Sep-21 10:48:17

Congratulations DiscoDancer.... how exciting! flowers

Supernan Tue 21-Sep-21 10:58:47

Don’t worry. It will all fall in to place. They will remember Grandad because he was fun, but they will remember you because you love them, you nurture them, you are there when they need you. Even as adults believe me.

jaylucy Tue 21-Sep-21 11:01:14

I think that grandparents work in tandem - OH is the one that will be doing the energetic things like kicking a ball , playing games etc.
You, however can be the nurturing one that they come to when they are upset and need a cuddle, the one that reads them stories, cooks with them and the one they come to when they later on want advice about girlfriends that they can't talk to their parents about!
There's no "fitting in" you each have a part to play in their lives, that is equally important.

Gwenisgreat1 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:01:29

My DH is of the belief (old man style) children and housework and cooking are for me, his jobs are gardening and taking the dog for walks. I usually entertain our two GC, unless they decided to pester DH. We watch TV, read a few books, look at reading books, writing books or play act. GD is 5, GS is 7 but has Down Syndrome and loves counting.

pigsmayfly. Tue 21-Sep-21 11:04:13

My DD is 29 and has been poorly. She said the other day “I wish I could go back to those days when Nan would bake fresh rolls for me with anchor butter and Grandad would cuddle me” She was thinking back to being poorly while I was at work. So you see, we quiet Grandmas have a way of showing our love that gets remembered. Just be you and show them love as only you can. That what makes us unique to our grandchildren

Gabrielle56 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:13:43

When I used to be allowed access to my 3DGC I used to do all sorts with them as did my DH! one thing I did that he passed on was making up scary stories! Obvs not too scary but with what I call 'mild peril'!! About woodland creatures and their adventures in Bimble Wood, a made up place. They were enthralled, any stories made to sound exciting or mysterious gets their interest, and they asked all sorts of questions! Or you can use any skills you have to either entertain or better-include them.something different from grandpa's escapades! Good luck!

Cherylrov Tue 21-Sep-21 11:52:19

I suggest you offer to pick the older up from preschool or school when you can. Ask him how it went and really praise his efforts he will soon begin to open up about all the good and occasional bad things there and you will become closer. My eldest gs is 5 and I know more about his school life than the rest of the family!

Ramblinggran Tue 21-Sep-21 12:04:22

My grandchildren don’t have a grandad as both grannies are widowed. I enjoy swimming so when I visit I go swimming with them. The one thing I have established as ‘mine’ is that I take them to a cinema on a Saturday morning. They are a bit older than your grandchildren (cinema started about four now five and eight). As others have said look for things that you like doing and develop activities that you enjoy doing with them.