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Grandparenting

Single grandchild

(27 Posts)
NannyJaneAnne Sat 06-Aug-22 22:12:23

Our DD tells us that she doesn't want another child. She's an amazing mum. He's a sweet toddler. She's one of three and the other two don't have kids. I feel like my children are turning their back on the best thing in the world. 😢

Skydancer Sat 06-Aug-22 22:24:03

I agree with your daughter. Having only one child is a joy. No fighting or rivalry. My GS is an only child and he’s independent and not spoiled. Also this world needs fewer people.

annsixty Sat 06-Aug-22 22:28:06

I truly don’t believe that the world we live in is a world we should want to bring children into.
However I am sure my parents believed the same when I was born in 1937.

NotSpaghetti Sat 06-Aug-22 22:31:45

There is another thread about single children - you may not have noticed.

I don't know if your other two children may have families in due course but this one daughter hasn't turned her back on motherhood- she has a beautiful child and is probably loving her role as a mother.

BlueBelle Sat 06-Aug-22 22:37:05

Oh skydancer I take it you’re not an only child? I would never inflict this on a child It’s a lonely life as an only child it’s not to do with spoiling it’s about companionship, sharing, being with another, feeling akin
NannyJane of course it’s your daughters decision but it’s not my idea of fun being alone and lonely and around adults
I d have loved a brother or sister

NannyJaneAnne Sat 06-Aug-22 22:39:32

I know. He's such a friendly soul. I hate the idea that he could miss out on the companionship of a sibling.

Chewbacca Sat 06-Aug-22 22:47:44

Singletons aren't necessarily lonely! They have cousins and friends to play and share with and rememver, not all siblings automatically get on with each other; hence the term "sibling rivalry". Your daughter has made the decision to have only one child, maybe for financial or ethical reasons, or maybe because she knows that that's what she can cope with. Be happy that you have a beautiful, healthy, happy grandchild and don't waste a minutes more time thinking of what might have been.

Shelflife Sat 06-Aug-22 22:54:59

I am one of 3 and we have 3 children. I always wanted more than 2 !! However ....... It is a very personal choice that that each person/ couple makes for themselves. I fully understand your feelings but it is their decision, 2 of your children don't have children and one has given you a beautiful GS. Please don't worry about him not having a sibling, he will be fine and who knows what the future holds ?? Enjoy your little GS.

MissAdventure Sat 06-Aug-22 23:02:15

My daughter loved being an only child.
All her little "treasures" in her room where she left them, and mostly her choice of dinner every night.
Her friends were quite jealous, and thought she was spoilt - they'd come round and have peaceful pamper nights without siblings spoiling things.
She certainly wasn't the slightest bit lonely.

MissAdventure Sat 06-Aug-22 23:03:37

Oh, and they used to come here and bunk off school, too, apparently!

Georgesgran Sat 06-Aug-22 23:34:16

I’m an only child and can honestly say I was never lonely.
Like MissA my school friends loved coming to my house for a quiet time, when they weren’t burdened by chores and looking after their younger siblings.
I have two DDs and they’ve got a son each and want/will have no more.
My Sis/IL always says that moving away from home many years ago that ‘your friends become your family’ and I can agree with that.

geekesse Sun 07-Aug-22 00:01:52

NannyJaneAnne, just because you enjoyed parenting and found pleasure in more than one child does not mean that everyone else has to. Your daughter has every right to her own choice. You might have found it ‘the best thing in the world’, but you need to consider whether she felt being one of three children wasn’t quite as rosy in her experience.

Also, parenting now is a lot tougher than it was thirty years ago - there are more expectations on parents from schools and society, childcare costs take up a really big chunk of a household budget, and sons and daughters often can’t afford to move out of their parents’ home until well into adulthood, so parenthood lasts a lot longer. I was saying to my son a couple of weeks ago that I’m glad I’m not raising kids now.

I do so hope that you have kept your opinion to yourself? You have a close enough relationship that she feels she can share their decision with you. That relationship could be terminally damaged if you tell her you think she’s wrong.

Kate1949 Sun 07-Aug-22 00:16:47

We had one child. She had one child herself, our beautiful granddaughter. Both are very happy.

Hithere Sun 07-Aug-22 00:40:55

The best thing in the world is open to interpretation and depends on each person

I hope you do not express your disappointment to her, it is her choice what to do with her life

VioletSky Sun 07-Aug-22 01:01:40

The important thing is that your children are happy in their lives.. they obviously don't feel they are missing out on anything.

Lots of people choose to be completely child free now, it's completely valid.

Some people would rather have pets now too.

Try to be happy for them and not worry about it...

Some people would say I am missing out not having a dog or bungie jumping or lots of things but they would be projecting their feelings onto me. I don't want or need those things

NotSpaghetti Sun 07-Aug-22 07:18:07

I am a single child. I had no cousins and no close relatives (other than my parents) after age about age 6 when my grandmother and then uncle died.

I was never lonely as a child, feel I was sociable and was told as an adult by "friends of the family" that I was kind and generous. The house was often buzzy with both children and adults and I certainty had a wonderful childhood.

There are tons of benefits to being in a loving home so that is the important thing. Please don't try to impose your ideas on your offspring - we all have very different wants and needs.

Katyj Sun 07-Aug-22 07:23:31

I agree with Bluebelle. Being an only child is awful. And it just gets worse with age. I’m 65 now with a 91 year old very frail mum, she’s lonely now where I was lonely as a child. I feel like cutting myself into bits sometimes.
She often says I wish I’d had more children. She’s lucky in that she had a sister and two brothers until recently. Only one left now.

25Avalon Sun 07-Aug-22 07:28:23

We had 3 children. The first would have been happy as an only child. When her sibling arrived the two girls fought all the time, even to the extent of the eldest arguing over sizes of Mars bars! So you might think have several children so they
will be friends with each other but it isn’t always so.

Floradora9 Sun 07-Aug-22 21:32:10

I was an only one and when I see the bond my DGDs have I really envy them . Of course they fight but they are also great company for each other and the younger one ( by only a year ) always has a big sister at school etc. to look out for her .

Ladyleftfieldlover Sun 07-Aug-22 21:39:06

I’m not likely to have any more grandchildren. My son’s partner was 41 when she had their daughter and apparently had a dreadful time. She’s 47 now and isn’t likely to have any more. My daughter isn’t maternal and has never wanted children. Younger son also isn’t interested. He loves being an uncle though.

Hithere Sun 07-Aug-22 22:23:55

Being an only child, having siblings- what is better?
It all depends on the childhood you were given
I have a sister - honestly would have wanted to be a singleton

We were pitied against each other since very young, being compared by my parents who was the better child and who made them mad the least

It is sad to have a sister you were never friends with - and never will be - because your parents destroyed that possibility

What is even more despicable is my mother blaming us (the children) for not being friends as it was expected - after all, she had two kids so we could be friends!
We were horrible kids for not appreciating that (her words)

HeavenLeigh Sun 07-Aug-22 22:37:33

But it’s their choice , I don’t blame her, if she doesn’t want to bring another child into this world, she sounds a great mum, I don’t think just because you are and only child you are necessarily going to be lonely, my son has one child doesn’t want anymore my grandson isn’t lonely has lot of friends to play with and few cousins, he certainly isn’t spoilt,

Lathyrus Sun 07-Aug-22 22:45:07

Hmm, I suspect that having enjoyed your own children so much you’re not actually thinking about what would make your daughter or your other children happy.

You’re thinking about what would make you happy - more grandchildren!

CanadianGran Sun 07-Aug-22 22:52:36

NannyJaneAnne, it sounds like you need to come to terms with the fact that you may have only one grandchild. Your children have made their choices, and while you may not agree, you need to support them.

Just think how close a relationship you can have with your granddaughter and focus on that. One never knows what the future brings when it comes to your other children, but try to stay focused on the present and enjoy the gift you have.

Newmom101 Tue 09-Aug-22 14:25:32

* You’re thinking about what would make you happy - more grandchildren!*

So agree with this! You’re thinking about what you thought was the best thing to do and what you enjoyed, rather than what your children want! Your children aren’t you, they will want to lead lives of their own choosing. And to lots of people having a child is a burden.