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Difficult Granddaughter

(45 Posts)
GranJay Mon 28-Nov-22 13:06:26

Has anyone else found that their relationship with their GC has been affected by lockdown? I was so looking forward to having a GD after 3 GS but due to lockdown I have missed out on so much of her early life. I have tried to build a good relationship with her, making her things, taking her out, buying her treats when I can but she really does not seem to want to spend time with me and can be very difficult. She seems to manipulate her parents but this could just be because we have very different ideas on discipline, I am more for setting boundaries whereas the trend now seems to be let the child decide. I try not to interfere in how her parents bring her up but I worry that it sometimes seems the 3yo is in charge and not her parents. I had hoped for a good relationship with my GD as I have had with my other GC but now it appears that her 6yo brother is picking up on the situation and starting to ignore me too.

Lathyrus Mon 28-Nov-22 13:35:28

She’s three years old.

I think you’ve got far to high expectations of “a relationship”.
Three year olds are mostly interested in themselves and nay really bothered about other people as it affects them.

Perhaps your need of a fulfilling relationship for you is putting
her off - and her brother too.

Although they couldn’t explain what is wrong, children are very conscious of when an adult makes them feel uncomfortable for some reason.

Lathyrus Mon 28-Nov-22 13:36:00

and only really bothered

SueDonim Mon 28-Nov-22 13:36:33

She’s three! Being ‘difficult’ often comes with the territory of being that age. I’d say and do nothing and just bide your time.

sodapop Mon 28-Nov-22 15:55:55

I'm not sure what you are expecting from a three year old either GranJay give her time to come to you and do things she enjoys. Don't let your need overwhelm her.

VioletSky Mon 28-Nov-22 16:01:08

It is a high expectation on a 3 year old I agree with others.

Just treat her kindly and I'm sure it will change as she grows

I wouldn't worry about parenting, lots of guidelines have changed and you may not understand them but they are usually for the better

Callistemon21 Mon 28-Nov-22 16:33:59

I've mentioned The Thunderous Threes before now.

The Terrible Twos are renowned for tantrums, but sometimes a three year old can have a spectacular meltdown.

If you look after her on her own sometimes, perhaps you could do things together like make smoothies, biscuits or small cakes, play with Play Doh, easy games etc. She may look forward to seeing you if you think of some interesting activities which the parents may not have time for, particularly as she has an older brother.

If she wants to play on her own, that's fine. My DGDs would enter their own little world of play with Fisher Price people etc and I was not allowed to interrupt. It was fascinating to eavesdrop.

PoppyBlue Mon 28-Nov-22 16:42:19

She's 3. They are supposed to be difficult at that age.

You're expections are waay to high and it sounds like you're trying too hard with her and making a lot of effort, which is why your GS is pulling away. Are you making the same effort with all 3?

Hithere Mon 28-Nov-22 17:09:55

This is another case of unrealistic expectations - we see it often around here

Your gc cannot give you what you want - they are not capable of that

You need to be realistic about their ages and do not put pressure on them to fulfill your emotional wants

This has nothing to do with the parents - it has all to do with you, all the eggs on one basket situation

Be happy you see them, they're happy and enjoy what happens w/o an agenda

eazybee Mon 28-Nov-22 19:45:18

She is three and by your own admission, you don't know her very well, yet already you feel she is manipulating her parents. She is a longed-for granddaughter; don't overload her with expectations.

MerylStreep Mon 28-Nov-22 19:55:55

You don’t exactly sound like fun nanny
Maybe swap a bit of that discipline for enjoyment.

M0nica Mon 28-Nov-22 22:13:10

I think it is your expectations that need examining and dealing with.

Why do you think that at age 3 - and presumably this has been happening since she was 2 at most, that you need to build a good relationship with her, making her things, taking her out, buying her treats when I can and why are you surprised that she really does not seem to want to spend time with me and can be very difficult..

She is still only a baby. Why can you not just relax and just enjoy being with her? Why do you have to 'perform' for her and make a concerted effort to 'win ' her affection.

It think it is time for some introspection.

Sara1954 Mon 28-Nov-22 22:17:34

My youngest granddaughter is three, and absolutely everything is about her.
She even resents me popping to the loo, because it’s time I could be spending with her.
We all spoil her a bit, because she’s the youngest and is quite adorable, but she can have some spectacular meltdowns.
I just go with the flow, do what she wants to do, she’ll be at school soon, and these precious days will be gone.
If I were you, I’d follow her lead, I’m sure she’ll love to enrol you in her games

LOUISA1523 Tue 29-Nov-22 00:08:48

I have two 3year old GDs.... life is all about them.... what they want.... the terrible 2s passed them by I think because some of the meltdowns they have at 3 are off the scale...but then its pver and done with and smiles all round again and hugs and 3 its all on their terms.. we play the games they want to play ..... I build my relationships by going with the flow with both of them ..... 3 year olds are difficult...but gorgeous too 😍

Madgran77 Tue 29-Nov-22 05:31:53

Reading your post OP it would seem like your GD is a teenager or adult!!! She is 3 years old. Just build a relationship over time and remember that she is ONLY three! Plenty of time!!

Hetty58 Tue 29-Nov-22 06:05:41

Lathyrus, spot on. I remember an overenthusiastic auntie who scared me silly. Granjay has 3 GS - so you'd think she'd know what kids are like at that age, wouldn't you? Another strange post!

Herefornow Tue 29-Nov-22 22:51:16

I've noticed post lockdown most people are a little less social, a little more comfortable at home in their own company, not surprising that 3yo would be too. Kids are sometimes put off by people who try a little too hard. Try quietly colouring on the couch, she may well come over to you.

biglouis Tue 29-Nov-22 23:01:21

I did not meet my grandmother until I was four (due to a family rift). Thereafter my aunt (who took me) was instructed to bring me on the second sunday of every month. My grandmother had very Victorian ideas of how children were to behave in her presence and so there were boundaries right from the beginning. Yet I grew to be much closer to her than my parents.

Wyllow3 Tue 29-Nov-22 23:01:56

I agree with the "take a bit of standing back".
Keep on going - be around....give it time

when I go to see my grandchildren underneath I want them to love me and engage with me, but carefully don't expect anything they don't chose to give. I always follow the lead of their parents as to discipline: its unwise to take any other direction. count any "coming to you" as a lovely plus.

eazybee Wed 30-Nov-22 08:30:13

We all spoil her a bit, because she’s the youngest and is quite adorable, but she can have some spectacular meltdowns.

Have you any idea what a disservice you are doing to your 'adorable' granddaughter? She will arrive at school and have a spectacular meltdown the first time she cannot do as she wants, only to discover that the staff don't consider her adorable, simply tiresome, as will the other children, and that she will have to learn to do what other people want speedily , otherwise have a miserable time.
I have seen it happen frequently, and it rocks their self-centred world on its foundations. Time to stop it now.

icanhandthemback Wed 30-Nov-22 11:23:53

I think you need to look at child psychology and how young children perceive their world. You wouldn't be so worried then! Just relax and take the love they offer when they are ready. If you try to push it, they will retreat.

moggiek Wed 30-Nov-22 11:28:32

I thought you were going to say she’s 14 😂😂

Jac53 Wed 30-Nov-22 11:29:03

My GD is 6 and although I looked after her from when she was a baby she never seemed as close as her brother was at the same ages. Now she always wants to come to me and asks to make things or play games etc. 3 is still very young, give her time.

DerbyshireLass Wed 30-Nov-22 11:35:12

Poor little sausage, theee years old, she's just a baby.

Nannashirlz Wed 30-Nov-22 11:37:00

She still going through terrible twos it can last until nearly 4 so I wouldn’t take it personally. Your grandchildren are little ppl with minds of their own. If my grandchildren don’t want to stay or come I don’t take it personally I just wait until they do my oldest grandchildren are 12 getting a few words out of them Is a bonus lol at least the little ones like to talk to me lol mines from 2-12 my oldest granddaughter was quiet when first came out of lockdown but she is fine now unless she watching stuff on her iPad. Also kids copy because they think it’s funny.