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Grandparenting

Grandparents Unite - Babysitting

(31 Posts)
Nanabel Wed 03-Apr-24 11:26:03

I dreamed of grand-babies for years! I have a married DS (30) that has a 1 yr old girl. My DD (34) is single & has a 7 yr old daughter & a 3 year old son - with 2 different baby daddies. I really wanted to help my daughter with these precious babies since she was on her own. I live an hour away, I left my husband at home & moved in with my DD for 6 mths with each baby! (Pawpaw didn’t mind, we’ve been married 23 years)! 🙏🏼

Each time we reached 6 mths, it was an ordeal for her to put them in daycare! I enjoyed caring for
those sweet babies SO much!! Now I offered the same 6 mths stay with my son but since he’s married, they felt they could handle it! Nice! ❤️
Now over the years, my daughter DEMANDS that I watch her kids ALL the time! She says “it’s not babysitting, it’s your fkn grandkids!” “I’m single, I need a vacay!”
When I do go to her house to babysit & hope to visit with my daughter too - she’s on her phone non-stop then usually finds a reason to go out!
I have done endless amounts of laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, & yard work!!! I feel like I have PTSD every time I visit her now!!!

The chidlers are SO messy - they destroy my house & her house is usually a hovel!! (She’s on her phone, screaming at kids upstairs as they destroy playroom!)
She is always broke (high paid home health nurse) -& is always asking for grocery money. She has never been a financial burden, just recently! She does get her pedi/mani regularly & has real Italian hair glued to her head monthly! ( Wig $8000) had a boob job & BBL in the future!! 🤔

My husband retired 2 year ago & we own property in Thailand so we have started spending winters there from Texas!! We love scuba diving around the world & just traveling to new countries! My DD throws a fit b/c she needs me to babysit - and how dare we leave the country when she needs our help!! SMDH!
My son has shared that I need to spend as much time with Nova (1 yr old) as I have with DD’s children. I am the ONLY grandmother with a step- PawPaw! The pressure to be all things Nana stresses me out & brings severe anxiety - there are times I just go in a closet & cry my eyes out!! I can NOT be everything to everybody!! I have severe depression, anxiety & can never have a decent convo with my DD!!!

Thank you for reading,
Kellybel

Theexwife Wed 03-Apr-24 11:48:02

Just say no, your job as a parent is to bring your children up to be independant , you have not done that regarding your daughter. What would she do if you were no longer here?

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Apr-24 11:51:00

‘2 different baby daddies … Pawpaw… Childers … BBL … SMDH … convo^ - why can’t people write in normal English?

Another long, whinging post from the US. I’ll say no more.

Nanabel Wed 03-Apr-24 12:19:30

Whinging? I didn’t realize someone from the US was not welcome in this forum!? I feel we can learn so much from different cultures! We all share some of the same struggles!!

My first post : I sure hope you’re not on the welcoming committee!! ☹️

Nanabel Wed 03-Apr-24 12:41:45

Thank you for your reply! She is extremely independent - registered nurse, owns house etc. 2022-present has been challenging for her! I still don’t want to babysit!! I will follow your advice & just sat “NO” - Damn, what a great idea!!! 😉

Sago Wed 03-Apr-24 13:33:01

Germanshepherdsmum

‘2 different baby daddies … Pawpaw… Childers … BBL … SMDH … convo^ - why can’t people write in normal English?

Another long, whinging post from the US. I’ll say no more.

It’s so tedious, I would love to know what pleasure is derived from this ridiculous posts.

Georgesgran Wed 03-Apr-24 13:35:31

It’s English GSM but just not as we know it! 🤔😱😂

Oldnproud Wed 03-Apr-24 19:06:02

Nanabel

Thank you for your reply! She is extremely independent - registered nurse, owns house etc. 2022-present has been challenging for her! I still don’t want to babysit!! I will follow your advice & just sat “NO” - Damn, what a great idea!!! 😉

No, she isn't independent. If she was, she would be taking responsibility for her own children, not expecting you to step in whenever it suits her!

Imarocker Wed 03-Apr-24 19:18:48

Repeat after me: your children, your responsibility

Allsorts Wed 03-Apr-24 19:21:14

You can hardly call her independent, shexsoundsadustaster. Say no, I would.

Calipso Wed 03-Apr-24 19:33:22

Too much irrelevant information + 38 exclamation marks.

Sorry. Not sorry, CBA

Farmor15 Wed 03-Apr-24 19:42:21

First mistake you made Nanabel was staying with your daughter for 6 months! That led to expectations of continuing help from you. Hard to undo that mistake at this stage.

Abracadabra Wed 03-Apr-24 19:44:18

Your daughter sounds rude and very entitled. Go enjoy your lovely holidays with your dh, you’ve done more than enough over the years.

I guess the gc aren’t such sweet babies now…

VioletSky Wed 03-Apr-24 19:57:41

Oh my gosh, you set yourself up for that one... 6 months in her home, that is a lot

She has become reliant on you.

The apron strings need to be cut but I think you have another issue to deal with first in that, she sounds depressed and overwhelmed by your description

So go gently, withdraw slowly... Learn to say no and not continue the discussion... Then if you see an opportunity, ask her if she is struggling and point her towards her GP

Grams2five Wed 03-Apr-24 20:41:14

First of all your daughter is not independent, let’s be clear about that.not she were she wouldn’t be demanding you fill in and parent any time she doesn’t feel like it. You have to let go of this mindset if you need to help her because she’s single etc. whose choice was that? She had two children by two fathers so she knew what lay ahead when she opted to become a single mother twice. You’ve been far too accommodating. Set a limit for yourself of what you’re willing to do , including not be available for your holidays and stick to it. Daughter will need to learn to sink or swim as they say. As for your son, I think it’s understandable he’s feeling a certain way if you’re not spending time with or babysitting his child when you’re doing so much for the sibling. I don’t think these things need to be equal exactly but he’s obviously feeling a bit put out so by cutting way back on sister it’s a much more attainable thing to help son on occasion if you like too. In fact figure that into the equation of how much you’re willing to do.

BlueBelle Wed 03-Apr-24 20:48:07

Am I the only one thinking this is another wind up it’s a new poster nanabel but signed by Kellybel

ElaineI Wed 03-Apr-24 20:59:25

It would be nice to see your son's baby a bit more. You could discuss how to progress with your DH - make a plan. "I will look after/see your children on ...... and babysit on ..... I will not be free at ...... as we are looking after DS child on ..... And we will be away ..........
DD will probably kick back but stand firm. You deserve your time in Thailand.

biglouis Wed 03-Apr-24 21:06:24

Oh dear! Some of the grans here dont have much contact with the USA. I run a business and 90% of my customers are American. They say we are two nations divided by a common language.

Perhaps Im not the one to ask as I was childfree by choice. But you really need to put some boundaries in place. Maybe spend more time in Thailand or elsewhere. You dont have to accept every phone call just because you own a smart phone. Phones can be "in the the other room/out of charge/poor reception or you can simply block".

Your job as a parent is to raise independent adults. If I had chosen to have children I would never had run after them once they reached 18.

Skydancer Wed 03-Apr-24 21:06:48

Agree, GSM

BlueBelle Wed 03-Apr-24 21:08:03

*She does get her pedi/mani regularly & has real Italian hair glued to her head monthly! ( Wig $8000) had a boob job & BBL in the future!! 🤔

!!!!

RosiesMaw Wed 03-Apr-24 22:11:21

Nanabel

Whinging? I didn’t realize someone from the US was not welcome in this forum!? I feel we can learn so much from different cultures! We all share some of the same struggles!!

My first post : I sure hope you’re not on the welcoming committee!! ☹️

It’s not the country of origin…….it’s the whingeing (and the peculiar language - chidlers? Pawpaw etc)
However , I imagine you will be feeling better for getting this, whatever it is, off your chest.

Vito Thu 04-Apr-24 11:40:02

This surely is another wind up.

dogsmother Thu 04-Apr-24 13:24:51

Hey everyone just be nice.

SingcoTime Thu 04-Apr-24 13:31:08

Xenophobia isn't acceptable nowadays, some folks missed the memo (eyeroll).

OP, you need to cut the strings. What you see as being a loving granny is really just enabling. Your daughter is an adult. She is not your employer. You need to set firm boundaries and allow her to grow by handling her own life. If she gets verbally abusive, block her. Your granddaughters will benefit more from a mother who is independent and raises them without the sense of entitlement she has. For their sake, step back from managing your daughter's life. You deserve to live yours without the stress.

**Side note, please try to refrain from posting identifying information on here about your grandchildren. Names, locations, details about your children's professions are far too much to share.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 04-Apr-24 13:55:31

Being new here I believe SingcoTime, you probably don’t know that we receive a great many long and implausible tales from across the Pond. There has been no xenophobia.