A few ideas

I joined the gym at my local leisure centre and go and chat to people in the sauna/steam room. I'll go for an hour and find myself still there a few hours later. I, too appear very confident and social but am shy on the inside, which is why I somehow manage to find excuses to not go to things that I'd planned to go to. I do miss the chit chat with work colleagues and the people that came into work [it was a medical centre]. I don't have any siblings either and have always suffered from the only child problem of craving solitude but then feeling lonely.

Oh Tegan you ve hit the nail on the head the craving solitude but yearning company it's a damned funny old feeling isn't it a real mystery I m Pisces too swim in two directions

I decided to take early retirement suddenly to save my sanity .I was totally unprepared and it was a shock . Someone recommended that I join my local U3A .i was anxious about going to the first monthly meeting as I knew no one but was made to feel very welcome and quickly joined the groups that appealed to me . there is so much on offer for a yearly fee of £39 . I have joined walking groups ,learning local and British history ,art appreciation and the book club to name a few.Give it a go you won't regret it .!!!

It might be worth investigating your local WI. Ours is quite a busy and lively group. We have a Sunday Lunch group ..aimed at women who may not have a partner or extended family locally, though I also go when I am a football widow! Sunday Lunch in local pub, long afternoon chats and friendly company when you might otherwise be on your own at home.

StansGran
Yes I have investigated the possibility of sheltered housing, the ones in the nearest town are all apartments, and I have two cats, which were about all that kept me going at times. Also I do like to step out my door and see the garden, watch the birds etc. I went into the McCarthy and Stone option quite deeply, but then decided to stay where I am, which fortunately is a bungalow. If bits of me would stop breaking I would do very well.......its just that it's been one thing after another. I really don't feel I could cope with another upheaval after the last three years.
Thanks for the suggestion though, a few more weeks and my walking will be better, then hopefully things will look up
Margaret

I've wanted to downsize but the only houses nearby that would be suitable have a communal garden which I'd hate. A few of us have said we'd live there if we could have our own little garden. I'm fed up of spending so much time trying to maintain a house that's too big for me. I'd thought my son and daughter would like to have a 'family home' [something I never had] but they very rarely visit, even though they both live quite close .

Have you also thought about approaching your local AgeUK as they are always looking for volunteers for befriending as well as for practical stuff like help in their day centres and you can offer as much or as little time as suits you. People tend to think of AgeUK as very old fashioned service but you'll see if you look on the Internet that there are some very lively groups out there so you'd get social activities as well.

As a widow and non-driver I understand how difficult it is to motivate yourself to join in anything social. I do go to adult education classes and gradually got to know people there. The WI meets in the evenings and as a single non driver I don't like to go out in the evening.
I am however very busy with 2 adult sons at home and the 3rd often here with the grandkids. I really feel I'd rather be lonely sometimes than spend most of my time clearing up after messy adults and spending my savings on renovating a large house.

Another vote for U3A. I joined our local one when I moved and have restarted a hobby I gave up years ago. I have met a new group of lovely people and enjoy our meetups. We do visits to stately homes, coach trips, history, walks, talks.

Link www.u3a.org.uk/here

I'll just post that link again!

Link to U3A here

I think it helps ones motivation a lot to have routines. I have tasks for the months, tasks for the week and daily tasks. For example in September I give 6 empty pots to a farmers wife to fill with winter plants. In November I buy a poinsettia and check I can print out the labels for my Christmas cards etc. I keep track of these tasks on my ipod touch. When I hear about a new film I put it on my films list i.e. Swallow and Amazons then I look up where it is showing and times and put that in my diary. I ring round a few friends and even if they cannot come go myself etc.

I also have a blood test once a yaer and check I have enough vit D & B12 etc. I had to take vit D for 3 months even though I had come back from Australia where I had been hanging up the family washing every day.

There are lots of good ideas on this post. Hope you find a way forward.

I found groups at local libraries, thefirstvisit is the hardest! I especially enjoy creative writing groups. Of course you can start writing on your own too. Have you thought of putting a brief family history on paper ((or online!) for your grandchildren? Even if they don't seem interested now they may be in years to come. I wish I'd got my my DM and DGM's reminiscences on paper or on tape.
There are some great ideas on this thread, I've been intending to try WI and U3A myself for quite a while.

Hi! I took early retirement a year ago to spend time with my daughter & first grandchild as they live 2 hours from us & I would not have able to be so involved if I continued to work. The year has flown by & been great but there have been times when I have been lost without work. I think it's the need to feel useful & part of a team that I miss. I tried all sorts of things - volunteering, courses etc until I found the best fit for me. Now I volunteer for a museum & the library & will shortly be looking after my grandson 2 days a fortnight so expect things to get busy. I'll have a routine & I must admit I'm better with one! Adjusting to being around DH more has also taken some doing! . If you don't fancy going to a course Futurelearn do some great online ones which are free & cover all sorts of subjects! They also have a great online community attached to each course where you can chat to like-minded people.

Are there any Gransnet groups in the Reigate area please?

Great suggestions and thanks to everyone for taking the time to give me links and ideas when I started the thread I perhaps didn't make it as clear as I should perhaps I didn't know what I was looking for but I was really look more for ideas to stop my inertia and lack of motivation I think it is the routine thing I think lists might help and I think I ve just got to push myself a whole lot more and stop being too comfortable it's hard when there's no one else to push you

GranJan60 the Surrey Local Site doesn't have an editor at the moment.
Why not suggest a time and place to suit you by starting a new thread under Meetups and copying it to the local forum?

BlueBelle I retired 6 years ago and moved 70 miles to be near my DS and family. I was lucky and got a place in a council sheltered housing scheme. I looked after DGS so his mum could go back to work and with the help of the pushchair rather than a walking stick I found my way around my new area.

I am incredibly timid and shy inside but with the help of DGS got to know some of my new neighbours (some of them never venture out, for various reasons of their own) and joined in activities, most of which take place 'on site'. They were very supportive when DGS started school and I was 'lost' without him.

We have a communal back garden and each flat has a rear patio area which we can fill with potted plants if we want, also a small paved front garden each, which can be left bare or again filled with plants if we want. Some schemes allow small pets (such as cats) to move in with you but not to be replaced. Here we can have things such as budgies or goldfish - not to my liking but some do.

I think what I'm getting at is don't dismiss sheltered housing. We get to know who likes to share a coffee, who needs a bit of shopping done 'cos they're under the weather, who'll welcome you in when you need a bit of a chat, who'll water your plants when you're away etc etc. I know it's not for everyone but it's the best thing I did

A big vote on favour of U3A. One very good thing it has done for me is that we can attend theatre performances regularly without the hassle of parking a car or hailing a taxi in Manchester. We get a coach and a group discount on tickets for excellent seats. Tomorrow it's 'A Streetcar Named Desire' with Maxine Peake as Blanche Dubois. I'm sure that if we didn't have this activity, I wouldn't stir myself to go to the theatre and what a lot of fine productions I would have missed.

Have a good theatre visit annodomini, we haven't got tickets yet and I do hope we aren't too late. I enjoy the RET it's a great venue.

I wish we could edit posts because I'd also give a shout for the U3Age.

Thanks Swanny as yet I ve never considered sheltered housing as I love my ( too big old Vicotian house right by the beach) but when the time comes I definitely will as that all makes s ns veto me . I think this winter I ll start trying to encourage myself to join a class or two with U 3a

you don't say what volunteer job you do. I'm 58 and volunteer at a day centre for the elderly (usually 85 and up), most of our clients are in their 90s and are, mostly, compus mentus. I can honestly say I've never laughed so much and can honestly recommend it. Most of the time I just sit around drinking tea and chatting to them, sometimes I just listen. The lonely are desperate for someone to just 'be' with them. Maybe this type of voluntary job would suit you better? Check out Do.it.org in your area for ideas of voluntary jobs in your area. Good luck!

I volunteer in a charity shop which I enjoy and I voluteer for refugees humanitarian aid which I love too Cazzajan, I spent a lot of years when I was a lot younger working with the elderly and yes we had some great laughs it's very enjoyable I have no problem getting up and getting going for my 'jobs' it s my free time that fools me I have great plans great ideas then an excuse I know it's not very understandable to those who don't have motivation problems but it's very hard work and frustrating if you do especially as it's only yourself who can sort it out

GranJan60 Here's a link for a meetup in Dorking in December which may interest you:

www.gransnet.com/forums/meet_ups_where_are_you/1229493-Meet-up-in-Dorking-Surrey-in-December