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OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

(933 Posts)
Luckygirl Tue 26-Mar-19 10:35:34

As many of you will know, OH has had PD for many years and is very frail. He only weighs 6.5 stone. Sadly he fell yesterday and has a displaced fracture of his femur. He is not a good candidate for surgery - but there is no choice.

It is a worry that the ward do not have the air mattress that he needs and that he has at home - we had just got on top of the skin problem. He was on a trolley for 12 hours yesterday which will not have helped.

I am waiting to hear when the op will be.

ffinnochio Tue 26-Mar-19 10:38:47

What a miserable situation for you both. I do hope your husband receives the best possible care.

midgey Tue 26-Mar-19 10:38:59

Luckygirl I am so sorry to hear this, wishing you both well.flowers

gillybob Tue 26-Mar-19 10:42:41

Oh I am so sorry to hear this Lucky as if you both didn’t have enough to contend with . My late mum spent a lot of time in hospital and as a dialysis patient with bone cancer, she needed to lie still for hours on end which meant she had the most horrific bed sores . They did provide her with an air mattress ( after much nagging by me and threatening to bring her own in from home) . I’m so sorry I can’t add anything helpful but sending my very best wishes to you both and hope the operation is sooner rather than later and goes well . Life’s [email protected] sometimes . sad

jura2 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:44:45

Oh no I am so so sorry to hear. Have you spoken to the ward sister/manager about his special needs and previous bed sores, etc. Or get a special overlay for the main part of body from Red Cross. This is just so so wrong- 12 hours on trolley in his poor physical shape. My heart goes out to you and your family- it must be so painful and stressful to see he is not getting the best care. Hugs.

stella1949 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:45:51

You can hire air mattresses and other pressure-relieving devices. In your situation I'd do that - if he gets a pressure sore it will be serious . I do hope you get some news soon, op.

Charleygirl5 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:50:16

stella he is in a hospital- it is not up to Luckygirl to be hiring equipment.

EllanVannin Tue 26-Mar-19 11:02:58

Aww, poor soul. My heart goes out to you Luckygirl.x

kittylester Tue 26-Mar-19 11:10:18

Oh no, Lucky! Can you contact PALS? Can they advocate for/with you?

Wish we could help!

annsixty Tue 26-Mar-19 11:31:27

So sorry to hear that Luckygirl my own H is in hospital and on getting him onto the ward the first thing as they got him into bed was to check his back and his heels for sores.
I felt they would be taking it very seriously.
I hope he gets through the op with no complications.

Baggs Tue 26-Mar-19 11:35:52

Oh dear, lucky, that is rotten. I do hope your OH is well looked after and that the surgery does not cause further problems. All best wishes coming your way.

sodapop Tue 26-Mar-19 11:46:47

So sorry to hear about your Other Half Lucky. I hope you are able to access all the help you need and he comes through the op safely. Lots of positive thoughts and good wishes coming your way.

MawBroon Tue 26-Mar-19 11:50:37

I am so sorry to hear this,flowers
From my experience the hospital will provide an electric air mattress which monitors the amount the patient needs to have it inflated.
Won’t do any harm to remind them though.
These days bed sores and sepsis are the magic words which usually generate immediate action.

M0nica Tue 26-Mar-19 11:50:41

flowers

megan123 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:20:58

So sorry to hear this Lucky flowers

notanan2 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:25:17

Sureley an air mattress would be inappropriate for an unstable fracture that needs surgery? Once it is stabalised, yes, but it sounds like it isnt at this point?

notanan2 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:31:18

Re 12 hours on a trolly, that will have "breached" targets but it is different for unstable bone stuff. The trollies can be used in x-ray etc without having to move unstable fractures on/off x ray boards. There are various reasons why trollies can be the best clinical decision, without which 12 hours is a HUGE breach which will have been flagged.

Someone should have explained the reasonings for the choices of bed/trolly/mattresses to you. Hope you get some answers

grannyqueenie Tue 26-Mar-19 12:52:51

So sorry to hear this lucky, you needed this setback like a hole in the head. I’m sure you’ll push as much as is possible to ensure all his needs are properly met. I hope they take notice of all that you’re saying sooner rather later. flowers

Luckygirl Tue 26-Mar-19 13:01:45

Everyone who was with us in the hospital yesterday was kind and helpful; and they agreed he did need an air mattress like the one he has at home - they rang round everywhere and did their absolute best, but there was not one to be had. He is now on a "50/50" mattress which they hope will serve the same function. They do seem to be taking this seriously.

I have been in action this morning. I have spoken to the PD nurse and consultant who have been up on the ward to help them sort out his very complicated drugs regime. I have also spoken to the ward leader who is absolutely on it with the need for him to have his Parks meds when he needs them rather than when they are doing a drug round.

I also spoke with the hospice consultant who had filled in his request not to have cardio-pulmonary resuscitation and she has said I must take this to the hospital and not re-discuss it with him as she thinks he is too frail to survive such an action anyway.

And my DDs are all here - but if I was to be strictly honest I am finding that quite stressful as they are all desperate to help when I really feel I need a few moment's quiet to take this all in and gather some strength - I did not get to bed till 3 am. They seem to have forgotten that I am still a functioning adult and can make a sandwich and get myself a chair for the garden! But I do appreciate their love and kindness of course. They just want to help, when there is little they can do - we just have to accept the situation and try and do our best to support him.

It is likely to be a long haul if he does bounce back from surgery and I am guessing there will be a period of rehab in a cottage hospital, after which I will finally need to think about a package of care at home.

Thank you for your good wishes.

jura2 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:06:59

So hard for you all lucky - with you in thougths and spirit - love.

MawBroon Tue 26-Mar-19 13:07:26

I have PM’d you flowers

Luckygirl Tue 26-Mar-19 13:09:45

Thanks jura - thank goodness he had his Swiss trip last year.

notanan2 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:11:54

Sounds like you are on top of everything for your DH so now dong forget to look after yourself thanks

merlotgran Tue 26-Mar-19 13:15:32

So sorry to hear this Luckygirl. Hope all goes well with the op and your DH's recovery.

kittylester Tue 26-Mar-19 13:17:00

I was just going to say the same thing. Just say you need a lie down to catch up on your rest. Take some brew and some music and gather yourself.

You know we are here if you need us! At least in spirit!!

Antonia Tue 26-Mar-19 14:49:31

I hope things work out for your DH. flowers

Telly Tue 26-Mar-19 14:54:23

So sorry to hear this. Sounds like a caring hospital. Perhaps your DD can visit while you get some rest, or have a day to yourself? Best wishes

TwiceAsNice Tue 26-Mar-19 14:59:39

So sorry it is all so stressful for you all. Do try and find some peaceful time for yourself and I hope things improve as soon as possible. Thinking of you and sending hugs 💐

Grammaretto Tue 26-Mar-19 15:17:12

Aw no, how awful for you.
I hope you can lie down and maybe the DDs can take turns to go to the hospital and deal with some of the complications.

nanaK54 Tue 26-Mar-19 16:16:46

Sending kind thoughts flowers

BlueBelle Tue 26-Mar-19 16:25:19

Sorry for hearing this Lucky sending a virtual hug I hope your husband can get well as soon as possible

NanTheWiser Tue 26-Mar-19 16:46:02

flowers from me Luckygirl, and hope things improve for you, and you are able to find a moment of calm.

crazyH Tue 26-Mar-19 16:49:09

Oh Luckygirl, so sorry to hear this. Hope he gets better .... from what you've he is terribly frail. I don't know what PD is, but things must be so difficult for you both flowers

Jalima1108 Tue 26-Mar-19 16:58:05

I'm sorry to hear about this Luckygirl and that all his needs will be met, as the staff obviously are aware and want to do the right thing for him.
Your DD sound as if they are trying to give you some tlc too - even a functioning adult needs some love and care themselves sometimes too, so take the opportunity to rest when you can.

flowers

Jalima1108 Tue 26-Mar-19 16:58:26

sorry - hope that all his needs will be met flowers

1inamillion Tue 26-Mar-19 16:59:35

Luckygirl a really sad and stressful time for you. You need rest or you will become ill, as has been said hopefully your DD's can visit. Good luck for DH's op. 💐

annodomini Tue 26-Mar-19 18:04:36

I can only add my commiserations to what everyone has said, Lucky. I know you haven't had it easy yourself in the time we've 'known' you, added to your DH's gradual deterioration with PD. He must be in great pain with such an awkward fracture and it's shocking that he had to spend all that time on a trolley. I hope that they can make him more comfortable and that surgery will be successful. Meanwhile try to care for yourself too.

Charleygirl5 Tue 26-Mar-19 18:24:55

crazyH it is Parkinsons Disease.

Lucky so sorry to hear he is in hospital. As others have said, you must look after yourself- your DDs mean well.

cornergran Tue 26-Mar-19 18:59:01

A hug and flowers from me lucky. Hope you managed some quiet time.

Auntieflo Tue 26-Mar-19 19:46:46

Luckygirl, so sorry to hear about your DH accident and the extra load this places on you. Sending love, hugs and prayers to you both, and hoping you don’t get smothered by the attention from your daughters.

52bright Tue 26-Mar-19 20:11:28

Thinking of you Luckygirl... and your dh. Hope all goes well and that you remember to look after yourself as well as dh. Rehab could well be a long haul. Hope you feel able to accept any help from your lovely daughters and others.

Vonners Tue 26-Mar-19 20:13:46

Sorry to hear of your husbands fracture, operations are stressful enough times when planned but sudden accidents make life so chaotic.
My local hospital starts visiting at 1000 and ends at 2000 so maybe you can have a bit of a rota giving you time for a nap or siesta if yours is similar. flowers

mumofmadboys Tue 26-Mar-19 23:48:49

Thoughts are with you Lucky at this difficult time.x

grannyactivist Wed 27-Mar-19 00:03:42

We're with you Lucky and hoping for the best outcome for your husband. (((hugs)))

Bellanonna Wed 27-Mar-19 00:15:12

I’ve just seen this news Lucky. I’m so sorry. What a worry for you all. May I just add my good wishes to those of everyone else?

PageTurner Wed 27-Mar-19 02:41:53

Luckygirl. My thoughts and good wishes for you and your DH. I hope his surgery goes well and he heals quickly.
💐💗

Jane10 Wed 27-Mar-19 07:18:43

Oh Luckygirl what a rotten time you're both having. Look after yourself - looks like the hospital can look after your DH. Let the family support you!

Anja Wed 27-Mar-19 07:43:48

There’s not much to add to all the supportive good wishes except to add my own flowers

shysal Wed 27-Mar-19 08:01:11

My thoughts are with you all. Take care of yourself. flowers

harrigran Wed 27-Mar-19 09:02:34

Late to this thread but add my best wishes Lucky. Hope you can get some time to yourself, take care.

GabriellaG54 Wed 27-Mar-19 09:12:17

All good wishes to you both. I hope today brings better news and your OH is comfortable. flowers🤞

sodapop Wed 27-Mar-19 12:25:24

Has anyone heard how Luckygirl's husband is today ?I hope he is getting all the care he needs.

jura2 Wed 27-Mar-19 18:55:41

Been thinking about her- but do not want to pm as she has probably got far too much on the plate to answer individual pms.

CAn't send flowers as this keyboard does not have square brackets. Hope you can send news soon. Hugs and xxx

MissAdventure Wed 27-Mar-19 19:26:46

So sorry to hear this, Lucky.
Sending every good wish to you and your husband.
flowers

Luckygirl Wed 27-Mar-19 19:44:38

I was called in to be with him this morning as he was confused and paranoid. It was a difficult day as he kept wanting to get up to the toilet, but he has a catheter in - and anyway cannot get up. He was due to have the surgery at 1 pm, and I was concerned as I felt that being Nil By Mouth dehydration was fuelling his confusion - the urine in the bag was like orange juice cordial and his sputum was sticking in his throat (he already has trouble with this owing to his PD). I asked the sister to give him some fluids - he already had cannulas in. She had to to find a doc to write this up but arrived back with fluid bags and the news that his op had been cancelled! Apparently they had lots of emergencies and they also had to prioritise the frailest people on the original list - OH weighs 6.5 stone and has advanced PD - how much frailer can you get I wonder? Once OH got some fluids in he became much more lucid - weak and in pain, but at least I could hold a rational conversation with him.

We had an equally ridiculous time yesterday trying to get him proper pain relief - when I arrived to visit he was saying he wanted to die as he was in such pain. Eventually - later in the evening - the sister just "happened" to manage to grab a passing doc to sign him up for proper analgesia. It makes me frightened to leave him as I do not feel confident he is getting proper care. They are all so frantically busy.

So.....we wait and see what happens tomorrow - I will ring about 10 and see what is going on.

nanaK54 Wed 27-Mar-19 19:48:25

Oh poor man, I'm so sorry to read your update. Sincerely hope that tomorrow is a better day flowers

Jalima1108 Wed 27-Mar-19 19:55:43

Oh dear, they sound overstretched but that is no good to your DH or you
I hope he is prioritised for his operation now
flowers

jura2 Wed 27-Mar-19 19:57:39

Thank you for sending news. I truly feel for you, for him and the whole family. Try and get some sleep as you need to keep up your strength. xxx

merlotgran Wed 27-Mar-19 19:59:54

How worrying for you, Luckygirl. I hope you get some better news tomorrow.

Luckygirl Wed 27-Mar-19 20:01:25

He went from 6 am to 5 pm (when the op was cancelled) with no fluids. The nurses were running about madly all day and doctors were like hen's teeth. They are all unfailingly kind and polite - but just too busy to get a proper job done.

There was only one of the junior nurses who seemed to have had a compassion bypass - but luckily she did not deal with OH.

jura2 Wed 27-Mar-19 20:04:09

what on earth is happening to the NHS - it is so tragic.

kittylester Wed 27-Mar-19 20:14:21

What a worry for you Lucky. PleSe have some time for yourself.

sodapop Wed 27-Mar-19 21:22:06

Oh dear that's not good Lucky you must both be struggling in this situation. I hope tomorrow brings better news for you. Take care of yourself too as Kitty said.

Ginny42 Wed 27-Mar-19 21:36:33

Hope the operation goes well Luckygirl. It probably makes your girls feel better thinking they're looking after you. Hope you manage to get some sleep.

GrandmainOz Wed 27-Mar-19 21:44:17

luckygirl flowers to you and your husband. I'm thinking of you both

Luckygirl Wed 27-Mar-19 22:13:08

Many thanks for all kind words. I am just about to spend my first night in the house on my own for decades. It feels pretty strange. The girls wanted one of them to stay with me but I felt that I will have to get used to i and might as well start now.

I fear for his ability to survive this - he is very frail indeed and I have seen the result of a fractured femur on frail elderly people; but if he does pull round he will be in hospital for a long time and will need to go for rehab; so - I am determined to just get on with it here.

dragonfly46 Wed 27-Mar-19 22:24:15

Oh Lucky I have only just seen this. I am so sorry you have this to contend with. I hope you get a good nights sleep and your DH has the op tomorrow flowers

Bellanonna Wed 27-Mar-19 23:24:09

Luckygirl 💐

cornergran Wed 27-Mar-19 23:32:32

Sleep well if you possibly can lucky, you’ve done all you can for your husband today, now time to rest flowers.

muffinthemoo Wed 27-Mar-19 23:37:58

Lucky, you are both in my thoughts. flowers

Please, get all the rest your mind will let you get. You need your strength in mind and body.

kittylester Thu 28-Mar-19 07:51:03

Morning Lucky, I hope you had a good night. Please keep us posted. brew

travelsafar Thu 28-Mar-19 08:05:28

Enjoy some unbroken sleep and some peace and quite, you deserve it .flowers

Jane10 Thu 28-Mar-19 08:12:24

I sincerely hope things are better for you both today. It's good that you are there to advocate for him at the hospital.

Sparklefizz Thu 28-Mar-19 08:19:16

Lucky I have come late to this. I am so sorry to hear what you both are going through flowers. Thank goodness he has you to fight his corner for him at the hospital. I hope you are managing to get some rest and that he gets through the surgery.

Look after yourself. Sending you hugs. x

Auntieflo Thu 28-Mar-19 08:24:57

Lucky, just catching up with you and the difficulties you are facing. Sorry to hear that Mr Lucky had to have his op postponed. Did you manage to get any sleep? Joining with all the other GN's who are sending {{{hugs}}} and flowers

Luckygirl Thu 28-Mar-19 09:17:40

I did not sleep much - a bit weepy really. My every waking moment has been devoted to his needs for so long that it is hard to adapt. And I keep going over in my mind every moment when I was having a bad day and was not the quite the good carer that I might have wished. It is very quiet here, and I am still programmed to his needs and keep thinking "Oh it is time for his ......"

I am sure that some of you Gransnetters will identify with that. How do you cope?

annodomini Thu 28-Mar-19 09:51:33

Lucky, your situation is way outside my range of experience but I would say, please do allow your DDs to give the support they offer. I know you say that you want to get used to being on your own, but you are very vulnerable and they must be vulnerable also.

Luckygirl Thu 28-Mar-19 10:05:34

Just rung hospital - he is in theatre right now - went down first thing. So at least they are getting on with it. I hope to try and organise a rota of girls to be with him post-op.

Witzend Thu 28-Mar-19 10:06:38

So terribly hard for you, Luckygirl. Sending much sympathy and wishes for the best possible outcome for your poor dh. As they say on a carers' forum I still visit (dementia) give that Guilt Monster on your shoulder a good whack. You have been doing your best in often such very difficult circumstances. flowers

Jane10 Thu 28-Mar-19 10:14:36

Sending every good wish mentally Luckygirl

annodomini Thu 28-Mar-19 11:22:16

(((hugs))), Luckygirl

tinaf1 Thu 28-Mar-19 11:28:27

💐 Luckygirl

sodapop Thu 28-Mar-19 12:24:39

That's good Lucky he is getting the treatment he needs. Take care of yourself as well as your husband. Good wishes to both of you.

GabriellaG54 Thu 28-Mar-19 12:25:25

Very best wishes from me and I do hope that the outcome of the OP makes your OH more comfortable in the longer term.
I'm sure you've been the best carer under the most difficult circumstances, so don't give in to feelings of doubt about your efforts.
Go easy on yourself, sleep as much as possible and eat well, if only ready meals which can be quite nutritious.
A soak before bedtime (at home) can relax you enough to face whatever the morning brings.
Take care...shamrock🛀🏼🛌smile

grannyactivist Thu 28-Mar-19 12:39:42

Lucky there are some people who go through life under the impression that they get everything right, all of the time. I think that they are a rare breed as most of us question ourselves and re-hash things we could've/should've done better, as you are doing now. I suspect that not only were you a 'good enough' carer, but something much better than that; reading your posts I have the impression that you have had your patience tried on many occasions (every day?) and yet your care and compassion comes through very clearly. Try to stop judging yourself more harshly than you would judge others and give yourself a pat on the back for all the times you did demonstrate love and care and compassion. flowers

aggie Thu 28-Mar-19 12:56:23

Well Lucky I don't know how you could have done any better than give every waking moment to OHs needs . I just told myself that Sainthood was not my scene and had the odd spat with Jim , I am told he winked at DD1 when this happened as if to reassure us that he understood it was just me letting off steam . The operation will fix his Femur but I hope his dementia is not affected

merlotgran Thu 28-Mar-19 12:59:32

Thinking of you, Luckygirl Hope all goes well with your OH's op.

cornergran Thu 28-Mar-19 13:55:58

Love to you and your husband lucky, please don’t pressurise yourself to be any particular way, just be as you are. Hope the surgery outcome is as good as it can be.

dragonfly46 Thu 28-Mar-19 14:34:02

Lucky I know how you feel. I question myself all the time about did I do enough for my dad and am I doing enough for my mum. I don’t think we ever will feel we do enough. We can only do our best which I am sure you are doing that. Just try and get some rest. I hope the operation goes well.

Scribbles Thu 28-Mar-19 17:51:43

Sending the best of best wishes to you and OH, Lucky. 🍀🌹

Bellanonna Thu 28-Mar-19 18:02:26

Lots of hugs Luckygirl

jura2 Thu 28-Mar-19 19:17:12

Been thinking about you all as went to visit my brother.
Anno is so right, let others support you as much as possible.

Love and hugs, x jura

Luckygirl Thu 28-Mar-19 21:39:19

Long day during which he had his surgery. He deteriorated very suddenly about 4 pm - very low BP, high temp, oxygen levels haywire etc. etc. etc. - but the staff were on to it very quickly indeed . OH was in charge of the choices for treatment - he has signed a DNR declaration - but he chose for the infections to be treated. I have been having to get his meds down and ice cream etc. - but they have now put in a naso-gastric tube so that he can have all his meds without all the hassle of trying to swallow, which he has problems with at the best of times.

He feels that he may not survive all this and has talked about his funeral and the fact that he wants me to be the last person he sees; the sister on the ward is going to ring me straight away if there is a further sudden deterioration. So we just wait and see.

Jane10 Thu 28-Mar-19 21:42:52

A long night ahead of you Luckygirl. Try to get what rest you can. I assume your daughters are with you or at least nearby. thanks

muffinthemoo Thu 28-Mar-19 21:44:16

Lucky I have nothing I can say to comfort you in this dark time, but you and yours are in my thoughts. flowers

aggie Thu 28-Mar-19 21:47:29

Oh Lucky I hope things are a bit better in the morning , so hard to watch such a frail person going through this

dragonfly46 Thu 28-Mar-19 21:55:32

All our thoughts are with you Lucky flowers

merlotgran Thu 28-Mar-19 22:01:19

Thank you for updating us Luckygirl. I don't suppose you will rest much tonight and hope you have some reassuring news in the morning.

Such a stressful time for you and your family. Please take care of yourself.

MawBroon Thu 28-Mar-19 22:02:41

Hold fast* Luckygirl* it may be a long dark night but keep faith in the expertise of those treating him and in the love you have for each other 💕

jura2 Thu 28-Mar-19 22:07:16

Oh how hard is all this for you, for you all- I just cannot find the words. Hugs <3