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OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

(937 Posts)
Luckygirl Tue 26-Mar-19 10:35:34

As many of you will know, OH has had PD for many years and is very frail. He only weighs 6.5 stone. Sadly he fell yesterday and has a displaced fracture of his femur. He is not a good candidate for surgery - but there is no choice.

It is a worry that the ward do not have the air mattress that he needs and that he has at home - we had just got on top of the skin problem. He was on a trolley for 12 hours yesterday which will not have helped.

I am waiting to hear when the op will be.

Grandmashe43 Thu 28-Mar-19 22:13:01

sending Loving and caring thoughts to you all xx

grannyqueenie Thu 28-Mar-19 22:14:17

Thinking of you luckygirl as you go into this long hard night. I’m glad you were able to have those bits of conversation, hard as that must have been for you both. flowers

ffinnochio Thu 28-Mar-19 22:14:44

Luckygirl Thinking of you both. flowers

jusnoneed Thu 28-Mar-19 22:15:33

Thinking of you, such a difficult time for everyone.

Bathsheba Thu 28-Mar-19 22:32:25

Oh Luckygirl I'm so sorry to hear what you and your poor DH are going through, such a difficult and worrying time for you flowers

cornergran Thu 28-Mar-19 22:38:30

Thinking of you, your husband and family tonight lucky, there have been some emotional conversations today and a long night ahead. Trust in the care he is being given and please rest as you feel able. Love to you all.

harrigran Thu 28-Mar-19 23:54:56

My thoughts are with you Lucky as I go off to bed. Rest as best you can.

grannyactivist Fri 29-Mar-19 01:23:12

Lucky (((hugs)))

Ginny42 Fri 29-Mar-19 01:32:51

The staff will be working hard for him, so you try to rest. Hugs.

kittylester Fri 29-Mar-19 06:55:03

Morning lucky. How are you this morning? How has DH been overnight? ((((Hugs))))

Susan56 Fri 29-Mar-19 07:10:34

Lucky thinking of you both💐

grannyactivist Fri 29-Mar-19 08:43:23

Lucky, thinking of you here too, as I imagine many of us on GN have been.

Cold Fri 29-Mar-19 09:17:38

Thinking of you and OH - hope he is improving flowersflowersflowers

Luckygirl Fri 29-Mar-19 09:26:15

Thank you all so much for your kind messages. I am about to ring hospital to see how he is now; and then will take it from there.

Charleygirl5 Fri 29-Mar-19 09:51:16

Luckygirl now that his now stabilised femur has been pinned and plated so he should feel marginally more comfortable with hopefully only the immediate post-op pain with which to contend.

Please, please look after yourself.

Luckygirl Fri 29-Mar-19 10:14:26

Thanks Charley - they have replaced his hip completely as it was a displaced fracture within the capsule. Bizarrely when he fell I did not think he had broken anything as at that point he was not in much pain. We were contemplating how we might get him off the floor when he said (he was a doctor) that one leg was shorter and he thought he had fractured his femur, so asked for an ambulance.

Later that day it really did start to hurt, but I am hoping that it might be a bit less painful now the the op is done with. They are only giving him tiny doses of painkillers as he is so small and frail.

grannyactivist Fri 29-Mar-19 10:38:05

Thanks for the update Lucky. I hope you managed to get some sleep and are feeling less battle weary this morning. The practical stuff is sometimes easy compared to the emotional exhaustion that develops over time - and you've been in the thick of it for a long time now.

Lona Fri 29-Mar-19 11:08:47

Lucky you must be exhausted but don't ever doubt that you've been a good carer. Your love for your dh has always been obvious.
Sending best wishes for your husband, look after yourself too and do
let your dds give their love and support.
flowers

Jalima1108 Fri 29-Mar-19 11:11:23

Best wishes to you both Luckygirl.
I'm pleased that the operation went well and hope that he is not in too much pain now.
Do take care of yourself too - and try to accept any help that is offered.

flowers

Luckygirl Fri 29-Mar-19 11:13:14

Thank you for the kind words.

I am extraordinarily exhausted - I think it is the emotional energy. Lovely DDs are feeding me and chauffeuring me.

Charleygirl5 Fri 29-Mar-19 11:26:32

Luckygirl the only way now is up and hopefully he will feel better each day. The practical side will be difficult because if he now has a THR he will not be able to lie on either side for 6 weeks. I wonder if the staff will attempt to stand him today or if he is too weak.

So pleased to hear that your daughters are taking care of you. You must be strong for the time he is discharged. I would think he will stay in longer because his femoral muscles will be weak. At least he has the knowledge of what he can and cannot do.

GabriellaG54 Fri 29-Mar-19 20:39:37

I hope your OH's recovery is still going well and you are feeling more optimistic and rested.
flowers

Luckygirl Fri 29-Mar-19 20:44:58

He has been asleep most of the day and could not be roused for his tea. I have just come from the hospital and again he was difficult to rouse. But I think the "Old OH" is still intact as he did say one or two lucid things: .....
- I asked if he was in pain and he said: "Only when those two harpies arrive and lug me about" - I assume he meant the nurses.
- "I wish I could put my hands on your body" - I do hope he is not saying that to the nurses!
- when someone was trying to take his temp under his arm he said: "What are you doing? It is most uncomfortable. I really wish you wouldn't."

MawBroon Fri 29-Mar-19 20:49:03

Strange method of taking his temperature!?
I thought everybody used the instant thingy in the ear method. Much more hygienic.
But glad his spirit is intact smile

Baggs Fri 29-Mar-19 20:55:53

I hope you sleep better tonight flowers

Luckygirl Fri 29-Mar-19 21:07:36

Thank you - I drop off OK, but when I wake early it all goes round in my head. I am better busy and just getting on with things. It is sad to see him as he is and I need to be distracted from that. But I will get there.

Ginny42 Fri 29-Mar-19 21:33:48

Lovely that you have your girls looking after you. You must be exhausted, do hope you manage to get some sleep. flowers

graninthemist Fri 29-Mar-19 21:50:23

I expect you're aware that hospitals don't always appreciate the importance of taking PD meds on time. My husband was diagnosed five years ago, and so we do know some of the problems involved. I do hope the surgery goes well, and that he is safely back home soon. X

Feelingmyage55 Fri 29-Mar-19 21:59:33

Have only just caught up with your difficult news. Thinking of you and your DH. Hope you get some sleep.

grannyqueenie Fri 29-Mar-19 22:18:04

Hope you get some refreshing sleep tonight, lucky, you must be exhausted in every possible way. But isn’t the human spirit tenacious, your description of such a frail man showing those signs of his younger fitter self are amazing!

cornergran Fri 29-Mar-19 22:18:41

Thank you for the updates lucky, as much as I want to say to you let others look after you I understand your need to be busy. Hope you and your husband can rest well tonight. Love to you both.

Charleygirl5 Sat 30-Mar-19 09:12:58

I agree with grannyqueenie his younger, inner self is definitely coming through and he is trying to fight the latest buggeration. He knows exactly what is happening to him!

I hope he slept well and the ward is not too noisy. The one I was on last year was worse than a train station.

I hope you are getting some rest.

Luckygirl Sat 30-Mar-19 16:11:49

I have been with him all day till now as the nurses sometimes forget his PD meds - I do not blame them; he needs them at regular times that are not drug trolley times and they are frantically busy. I am going back for 5.30 to help him eat his tea - he has a slight swallowing problem and the nurses do not have the time to help him get stuff down slowly.

He has pulled out his naso-gastric tube - and who can blame him! He does not really need it - he just needs people with enough time to help him get the food down slowly.

I will go back in to help him with his tea, then come home for a moment's peace - he is in a 4-bedded ward and the man next to him (who has been in since Day One) bellows - and I truly mean bellows! - at max volume - sometimes in pain, but the rest of the time, totally non-stop, he is treating the poor patients to a machine-gun rate of max volume ramblings - peppered with army slang! He is a bit of a Hooray Henry (ex-army and ex-barrister from what I can gather), so it is all done in the poshest of accents. When his family came in on the first day they thought he should have a room of his own - well, blooming well pay for it please! - and are very demanding of the staff. I admire their patience, I really do.

merlotgran Sat 30-Mar-19 17:52:20

You must be exhausted, Luckygirl. Hospital visiting is tiring at the best of times but you have more than your fair share on your plate.

Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep once your tea time vigil is over. Please take care of yourself is easier said than done, I know.

aggie Sat 30-Mar-19 18:14:16

that sounds like a nightmare ward ! I hope you manage some rest tonight and that OH gets his meds

Ginny42 Sat 30-Mar-19 19:08:44

I hope your DH starts to pick up now he's taking some food. It will cheer him up enormously having you there to encourage and support him. Take care of yourself too. flowers

sodapop Sat 30-Mar-19 19:49:23

Can't add any more to Ginny's post, take time for yourself Lucky

grannyactivist Sun 31-Mar-19 00:20:48

Hope you've had a restful evening Lucky and that you manage a decent night's sleep.

Luckygirl Sun 31-Mar-19 09:53:28

Thank you.

I had a difficult night as sometimes my statin gives me nightmares and I was wake with that a lot of the time. And then I found I had turned the clocks the wrong way! - I knew exactly which way they should have gone, but must have been a bit befuddled last night.

It would be lovely if the nurses had time to do the things that I am doing then I would only need to go in once a day. I am fine when I am there, but exhausted afterwards.

jura2 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:59:23

This is so hard for you, but you must look after yourself and give yourself some down time, or you won't be in any state to look after anyone, never mind yourself. Saying this, I am sure I'd be just the same ...

But this is so so wrong, that they do not have the staff to help and support him the way he needs to- what about those who do not have family?

Thinking of you- much love and hugs.

Ginny42 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:02:10

Oh nooo! You poor thing, it's easily done when your mind is juggling a thousand things. It must feel overwhelming at the moment, but it will pay off in the end, as your DH will recover quicker with your care. I know Mother's Day is going to be fraught for you, but you have your lovely girls and that's everything.

I wish we did really huge bouquets, but these are pretty. flowers

grannyactivist Sun 31-Mar-19 14:15:31

Not surprising that you were a bit befuddled Lucky. I’m thinking out loud, but could you delegate a couple of days ‘care’ to your daughters so that you can just go in for a brief visit whilst they ensure your husband’s general needs are looked after? I just think that you will need to pace yourself before you hit a period of burnout.

Charleygirl5 Sun 31-Mar-19 15:08:47

With any luck the relatives of the fellow in the next bed shouting and screaming his head off will get him moved to a single room- they probably think he is mixing with the more downmarket- if only they knew! You could complain about the noise because it must be affecting your DH big style and he cannot lie in bed with blankets covering his face 24/7 to drown out the awful noise. I think that is very insensitive of the staff to leave that fellow there in his present mental state.

Please, please, you must look after yourself and get as much rest as possible.

Luckygirl Sun 31-Mar-19 15:56:34

I have just come back from the hospital to have a sleep as I am at the end of my energy. I will go back in when I wake up. I have decided not to worry about the mealtines - I will just take in stuff I know he loved and give it to him whatever the time of day. The nurses say they will feed him his meals, but I know that by the time they get round to it (they are frantic in there) it will be congealed on the plate.

He is not making any progress - still not been sat out, and still got catheter, fluids, oxygen etc.

When I was with him this morning he said he was going to asphyxiate himself. We just need to get him to the point where he can be discharged to a more peaceful cottage hospital.

He is in a PJ top that he has had on for about 4 days and it is revolting - caked in dried drool and food, as is his beard and moustache. I always made sure that his tops were washed every day at home as he drools a lot. A DD and I are going in later to try and change his top and shave his beard very short.

But for now I just need sleep and more sleep. My back is paining me from bending over the bed to try and hear what he is saying.

The nurses are doing their best - they are just up against it.

Sorry - offload over.

nanaK54 Sun 31-Mar-19 16:00:17

You 'offload' whenever you need to
Hope you can get some sleep now
Sending kind thoughts and wishing you great strength
flowers

aggie Sun 31-Mar-19 16:01:11

lucky taking in food you know your dear OH likes and can eat is definitely the way to go , as is a rest , please get into bed and stretch out , nothing like bending over a bed to pain your back , massive hugs and best wishes for both of you xxxxxxxx

Charleygirl5 Sun 31-Mar-19 16:21:35

Lucky I hate to say it but your DH is not being cared for. It does not sound to me as though he has been washed since admission if he still has the same revolting top on.

I do not care how busy the nursing staff are, it is their job to care for the patient and if that means sitting by his bed and feeding him hot food, so be it

I am well aware of his weight and general weakness but if two physios do not at the very least stand him tomorrow sometime I would be asking questions. He should have a frame in front of him and a physio either side.

cornergran Sun 31-Mar-19 16:26:27

I’m so sorry lucky, so much pressure and worry. If off loading here helps then of course do it I understand the staff are busy but it does sound as if your husband’s care could be better. Wishing you success with your mission later. I’m pleased your daughter will be there to support you.

aggie Sun 31-Mar-19 16:27:35

If a great lump like me can be levered out of bed and stood up with one Physio , i cannot see why two could not get your DH out of bed , if he is sitting out he might feel a bit better .In fact an Aide and one nurse can do it , and yes , he should be washed every morning . My OH was clean and tidy even though he was completely immobile . I think the bed can be raised and lowered so you don't have to bend over so much

Lazigirl Sun 31-Mar-19 17:28:47

I am so sorry Luckygirl. I know you have written before about your DH, and this must be so much worse for him to bear and of course for you. It definitely shouldn't be like this in hospital, you shouldn't have to bear the responsibility for his meds and meals and hygiene. Unfortunately I know what you mean, if it's anything like the district hospital where my mother spent weeks. The acute shortage of nurses means most of them are running around doing their best, but know that they are letting patients down. Relatives dont like to complain because they feel that their loved ones are vulnerable and they don't wish to further demoralise staff who are often individually kind and caring, and the situation is not easily resolved. However, basic care such as washing and changing your DH should at least be done. I hope you can manage to get the rest you need, and that he improves soon so that he can be moved to somewhere calmer and kinder. Kind thoughts and best wishes.

Jalima1108 Sun 31-Mar-19 17:33:19

Oh dear, Luckygirl, that is not good at all.
DH's friend was in hospital and not really being cared for (although he would not have a word said against the staff) and now has been moved to the local hospital which seems to be an interim between the main hospital and home or a care home. It is so much better there and the nurses do have more time to attend to the patients' needs, along with physiotherapists etc.
Do you have a community hospital with similar facilities near you that your DH could be moved to fairly soon?

Please take care of yourself too.

Luckygirl Sun 31-Mar-19 17:38:29

We do have a suitable hospital but they will not move him there till he is off antibiotics, oxygen, drip, catheter. I can't wait for him to be moved.

I have had a long sleep and feel better to face the fray.

Thank you all for your support.

Baggs Sun 31-Mar-19 17:41:33

Like charleygirl, I too am shocked at the lack of personal care for your OH, lucky. The hospital must be very understaffed if such basic nursing is not happening. Perhaps you should make a formal complaint to hospital management.

I'm so sorry it is like this. You should not be wearing yourself out. I really hope you can get more nursing help very soon flowers xx

cornergran Sun 31-Mar-19 17:44:23

lucky if things don’t improve please talk with PALS, usually very tactfully helpful.

kittylester Mon 01-Apr-19 11:17:00

Just what I was going to say corner.

Hope you are ok today, lucky. brew

grannyactivist Mon 01-Apr-19 12:30:00

Lucky, just wanted to check in and say hello. flowers

Jane10 Mon 01-Apr-19 13:58:29

Hope things are better today Luckygirl.

Ginny42 Mon 01-Apr-19 14:33:13

Luckygirl, hope your DH is getting stronger and that conditions are also improving. flowers

Bellanonna Mon 01-Apr-19 15:04:50

That’s so depressing to read, Lucky. He shouldn’t be allowed to sit and lie in stained clothing and surely a basic wash is essential to maintain good hygiene. How long would it take? Busy or not I would be inclined to bring it to the attention of the CE, or the department manager. The poor NHS is in dire straits and while the professional service is wonderful the support system often leaves a lot to be desired.

Luckygirl Mon 01-Apr-19 15:25:08

I have just spent the lunch time with him and he is out in a chair at last - they used a hoist. Catheter and oxygen are out now; just one more bag of fluid and hopefully the drip will come down too. He is in better spirits and not confused; no delusions so far when I was there.

He is quite dozy - but is rational and not in too much pain thankfully. Crazy guy on next bed has stopped bellowing thank goodness!

He still looks clean from my wash and shave last night. I will make sure I keep on top of that.

Jane10 Mon 01-Apr-19 15:57:02

Sounds a brighter situation. Poor thing though. It's so awful having to share with such a noisy nieghbour and with no escape. I bet a decent night's sleep would be hard to achieve in that ward. I hope he can be moved somewhere quieter and with less overworked staff.

Charleygirl5 Mon 01-Apr-19 17:31:15

Please lucky washing and changing his clothes are basic nursing care. You must say something because pressure sores are a real problem and even more so there if he is not receiving the care he requires.

I would also ask the staff if they would like to be fed cold, congealed food- I thought not.

I know I keep nagging and I do apologise but you have to look after yourself- you will be of little use to anybody when the men in white coats visit.

As he has had major surgery it is the job of the physio, not the ward staff to stand him and walk him at least once. I am well aware of his weight and how weak his muscles are. He should be seen by a physio daily.

Is he on an orthopaedic ward? If not why not?

Lazigirl Mon 01-Apr-19 17:45:24

Good news that he is making some progress Lucky, and been out of bed, better for his chest, and morale am sure. Only physios were allowed to hoist my mother when she was in. Visiting can be exhausting and emotionally tiring without having to be alert that basic care and treatment is being carried out. You need time for yourself to recuperate.

sodapop Mon 01-Apr-19 19:03:30

Good news on your Other Half's progress Lucky things are sounding more positive now.
Onward and upward. Rest when you can and look after yourself as well.

jura2 Mon 01-Apr-19 19:24:37

Excellent news Lucky, onwards and forwards- but look after yourself please. x j

loopyloo Mon 01-Apr-19 20:37:32

Dear Lucky, one thing to try to feed him would be live yogourt, especially as he is on antibiotics. All the best to you both.

grannyactivist Mon 01-Apr-19 21:28:55

Some improvement then, Lucky. Hopefully he will soon be able to be moved and then the pressure on you ought to be slightly relieved.

Day6 Mon 01-Apr-19 22:16:04

Lucky just wanted to send you love through the ether. What a very difficult, worrying and stressful time you have had.

No one could have done more. Your OH is a very lucky man to have you, and I am glad he is making progress but your caring load is going to be very difficult - even more difficult - for some time. I am so glad your daughters are supporting you but I do hope you can switch off and look after yourself too. The emotional, physical and mental strain of it all must be taking its toll. Do rest when you can.

You are a star. Some flowers for you flowers

PS: You know your user name isn't very appropriate, don't you. x smile

Ginny42 Mon 01-Apr-19 23:51:08

Well Lucky, things seem to be getting a little better each day so fingers crossed he continues to make progress. It's easy to forget that you need to take care of yourself too, so please take notice of everyone urging you to get some rest when you can. xx

kittylester Tue 02-Apr-19 08:07:17

Morning lucky! brew

Luckygirl Tue 02-Apr-19 08:31:53

Morning kitty - thanks for the tea.

No word from hospital so that is good news. My DD is going in this morning with wee GS; and I will be there this afternoon. If he is reasonably stable I hope to shoot off to choir this evening - I feel the need for some normality. And when I go in the evenings he is mostly asleep. I will wait and see how things are.

shysal Tue 02-Apr-19 09:14:37

Encouraging news! Hope the improvement continues and that he is moved as soon as possible.

grannyqueenie Tue 02-Apr-19 15:27:34

Glad to hear better news lucky. I hope you’re able to go and sing your heart out this evening, it’ll do you a power of good. x

Jane10 Tue 02-Apr-19 15:53:19

I second that grannyqueenie!

Charleygirl5 Tue 02-Apr-19 15:54:53

Just what you need Lucky.

jura2 Tue 02-Apr-19 17:07:43

Sing your heart out - it will do a power of good. x

Lona Tue 02-Apr-19 17:20:44

Glad there's been some improvement Lucky, hope you get a lift from the music tonight. flowers wine

Baggs Tue 02-Apr-19 18:58:46

I hope you're at choir as I speak, lucky. Whatever helps you will help your OH in some way too even if indirectly flowers

Ginny42 Tue 02-Apr-19 23:18:07

I hope your DH was a little better today. Hope you enjoyed going to choir. I bet your friends were pleased to see you. flowers

cornergran Tue 02-Apr-19 23:21:54

Hope you enjoyed choir lucky, it’s important to have things that ‘feed’ you so you can keep feeding your husband. Sleep well.

kittylester Wed 03-Apr-19 06:26:15

Morning lucky, I hope you got to sing last night and had a good sleep.brew

Luckygirl Wed 03-Apr-19 10:49:56

Thank you. I did have a good sing; but spent a very sleepless night. It is a hard situation to deal with at the moment.

Here is what we are up against:

- he needs his PD meds in order to stop his tremor and improve his swallowing. They are not given on time. We have to be there to remind them.
- he needs a lorezepam at 3 pm as he becomes agitated otherwise. I am constantly reminding them to give it to him.
- food is put where he cannot reach it, so we go in and help him eat.
- they did give him a bed bath yesterday, but put his dirty pjs back on when there were clean ones in the locker.
- he has sore heels and I am taking in the cavillon cream and dealing with that - heaven knows what is happening with his sacrum, as I cannot roll him to see. I have spent months getting that right after the skin broke down. He was promised inflatable troughs for his heels, but when I left 4 hours later nothing had arrived.
- he is medically unstable with dropping BP and blood results indicating some mild kidney problem. The solution to that is proper food (see above) and plenty to drink - he cannot reach his drinks either.
- he needed a bed pan yesterday evening so I got a nurse to deal with it. 30 minutes later he was still sitting on it (not great with a new hip and when you and just skin and bone). I got a nurse and explained that he needed a suppository as he uses at home. She said she could not do that as a doctor had to prescribe it - from my experience in the last week or so it takes at least half a day to get a doc.
- I have left them notes with clear instructions about which tablets are dispersible, which melt under his tongue and which need to be swallowed in a spoonful of yoghurt, but they constantly get it wrong and I find the notes screwed up in the locker. He finished up with a naso-gastric tube so they could crush the tabs and put them directly into his stomach. All they needed to do was to listen to what I am saying. OH pulled the tube out anyway after 24 hours.

I could go on....and on....and on. It is a system under terrible pressure; and I have to add that everyone is unfailingly kind and polite and mean well, but they simply do not have time - they promise to do something then someone else demands attention and they simply forget it.

I have spoken to PD nurse today and she will talk to PD consultant to see if he can be moved to her ward which is a "frailty" ward.

I am beside myself with exhaustion and would love to be able to pop in once a day and see him and not be in this situation where the DDs and I are on edge and on duty all the time.

It is sad to see - I used to work in the NHS and cannot bear it.

Jalima1108 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:34:33

I am reading your post and getting increasingly angry Luckygirl and upset too on your behalf. DH's dear friend went through situations like this in our general hospital. He's now been moved to the community hospital where the nursing care is so much better. No-one took any notice of him in the general hospital when he needed the toilet (he was supposed to stay in bed) and he tried to get to the toilet, fell and fractured his pelvis.

There really is no excuse for washing a patient and putting on dirty pyjamas when there are clean ones in the locker - that is not through lack of time, it is bad practice. Food being put out of his reach is just uncaring and lazy - it is just as easy to pull the table round and put the food within his reach.

They may be under pressure but I wonder how much some of the staff care - they are certainly not all like this.

I hope your DH can be moved soon to a ward where the care is better.

loopyloo Wed 03-Apr-19 11:43:53

Dear Lucky. Would it be possible for the family to hire a carer to be with him during the day? I have nursed people in the nhs who have had their own specialist carers.
Just to help him eat and drink and wash him would be good for a few days.
Just a thought.

grannyactivist Wed 03-Apr-19 12:22:56

Lucky I am really saddened to read about the nursing problems your husband is experiencing, both for your own situation, but also because there are many who don't have the good fortune to have someone like you who will stand their corner and ensure that they get the care they need.

My daughter is a nurse of the old fashioned 'nursing is a vocation' school. She has been both nurse and patient and says that basic standards have been dropping for years due to a combination of staff shortages, too many managers and not enough senior/experienced nursing staff - and poor recruitment and training practices. In consequence the patients don't get the same level of proper nursing care that they would have received in the past. For some (I hope most) nurses this is a matter of great concern, but with too much to do and too little time nothing is going to change any time soon. sad

I do hope that your husband is soon well enough to be moved into accommodation that is better for him - and for you. flowers

kittylester Wed 03-Apr-19 12:36:18

That is so sad and also upsetting for you, lucky.

It has been mentioned before that talking to PALS might be a way forward. Or can you make nuisance of yourself with the Matron?

The idea of a carer isn't a bad one - maybe for half a day? Or a couple of visits!

Sending lots of hugs!

Baggs Wed 03-Apr-19 12:41:01

Polite doesn't really cut it when nothing changes for the better and a patient's unnecessary suffering continues. I'm so sorry it is so hard, lucky flowers

anna7 Wed 03-Apr-19 12:44:36

I have nothing to add to the sensible advice from other gransnetters but I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time and just wanted to send my best wishes to you and your dh.

nanaK54 Wed 03-Apr-19 12:54:17

That is such a sad update, I do hope that your DH can be moved to a ward that is better suited to his needs
I continue to send kind thoughts flowers

Lazigirl Wed 03-Apr-19 13:18:22

Oh dear. This is just a terrible situation to be in for your OH and for you. It's sounds as if it would be more appropriate for him to be moved to the ward which has been mentioned where they are more able to deal with his needs, rather than a busy acute ward where he is. I do hope this happens. I know how difficult it is as a relative to try and be assertive about care, or lack of it. As others have said PALS are an option, personally I didn't find them great when my mother was in, but it is their job to address the situation for you. I would write everything down about your OHs care that concerns you, and hand a copy to nurse in charge of the ward, and also PALS. It's much harder to ignore concerns when they have them in black and white, and may form the basis of a future complaint.

Charleygirl5 Wed 03-Apr-19 13:41:45

Luckygirl I do apologise for appearing to be on your back all of the time but you are more than well aware what will happen and how long it takes to heal if DH's skin breaks at heels and/or sacrum. It is also very painful.

He should have a named nurse caring for him. I would ask her (and more if necessary) to help you to turn him with two pillows between his legs so that you can inspect his sacrum and see if there is a pressure sore.

You must put the problems in black and white- that is the only way something will be done. It is sheer negligence positioning food and drink where he cannot reach it. The staff are on a one-way track to being sued.

cornergran Wed 03-Apr-19 13:51:52

I’m upset and angry on your behalf lucky. Nothing to add to sensible other peoples thoughts do just sending love to you both.

jura2 Wed 03-Apr-19 13:53:33

oh lucky, I just have no words to express what I want to say.
What is happening to the NHS is beyond the beyond.
I am so so sorry xxx hugs.

Jalima1108 Wed 03-Apr-19 13:57:55

Is this the Emergency ward or Orthopaedic ward, Luckygirl?
If it is the emergency ward then, in my experience, they can be understaffed and rather chaotic but other, more specialised wards may be much better. I do hope that your DH can change wards as soon as he is able to be moved.

notanan2 Wed 03-Apr-19 14:02:59

You could speak to volunteer services. They might be able to send a mealtime companion to give you a bit of a break?

notanan2 Wed 03-Apr-19 14:05:27

Hospitals have their own DBS checked volunteers who are allowed on the wards

Jane10 Wed 03-Apr-19 14:42:42

There's a difference between being short staffed and being thoughtless staff. No matter how busy a nurse is there's time to put food within reach! Also, if they're doing a bed bath there's no reason to not put clean PJs on if they're to hand. Neither of these is a training issue, just a common sense matter! I noticed a difference between individual nurses when I was in hospital. Some nurses thought about what they were doing and others just flew about like headless chickens achieving less than the others but able to say how busy they were!
I hope your DH can be moved to a more appropriate ward soon.

Tuppnce Wed 03-Apr-19 15:00:52

From my experience locally older/elderly patients deemed “frail” (as surely your DH must be) are put on a special “red tray” scheme which stipulates that someone must sit with them, helping as necessary, to make sure they eat all of each meal. Patient notes also have a space to record food and fluids each day which you can check any time you are there.
The “red tray status” is indicated on the patient’s name sign, including preferred form of address, name of consultant date of arrival in that ward and estimated date of discharge.
In the Stroke Ward I have also witnessed a nurse or HCA going round the beds to chat to each patient after their main meal to ask if they ate it and enjoyed it.

Charleygirl5 Wed 03-Apr-19 15:25:07

Tuppnce that sounds like a good system but I think it is too sophisticated for that ward as they are so "busy". Basic nursing care is so lacking there.

Ginny42 Wed 03-Apr-19 18:55:47

Lucky I'm just very shocked that this is happening. It makes shocking reading; I had no idea things were this bad with the NHS.

Whilst it makes us cross thinking of you, your family and your poor DH, how much more distressing this is for you.

Right now you shouldn't have to be dealing with these basic caring/nursing issues, the staff should. You must be exhausted. ((Hugs))