dragonfly, I detect a bit of sarcasm in your replies - I believe you still are that happy, positive person buried beneath the weight of your current concerns - So how about we talk about her, the person you think you used to be, and bit by bit reclaim the happiness being held hostage by your former self -
As far as your cancer is concerned, both sarcasm and comedy, laughter and joy are forms of support, too -
The girl I used to be as a teen got drunk and jumped over a chain, almost -- if both feet didn't get caught on the chain, resulting in me landing on my face - Knocked the wind out of me, it did - But once I caught my breath I lay there laughing and crying at the same time -
My husband died - He suffered from crushing depression the majority of his adult life - A misanthrope with a brutal sense of humor, made me laugh so hard I cried - But ruminating ruined his quality of life -