Depression?

I wonder if you would benefit from speaking to someone - someone qualified to counsel you - about these feelings. Because, they might just be feelings or perceptions. Others may see you differently and not as some kind of failure! You do sound as if you're very hard on yourself - has this been a lifelong problem?

If you do decide to move/before you decide to move again, please sit down and think hard about the fact that if the reason for the problem is really you, you'll simply be running off again to pastures new and possibly facing the same outcome.

I expect others will have lots of suggestions and advice. You definitely need to be talking about this.

But you’ve had jobs - and houses - many would envy you. Who is the ‘everyone’ who thinks you’re “mad” to think of moving from your lovely house? Few hobbyists make money from their creations but enjoy the process of making.

It sounds as though a counsellor or therapist could help you to get a more positive perspective on your life. Failing is normal! But celebrating your achievements is essential and you definitely have these Willow73

Sounds like a lot to unpick. I have a friend who suffers often from depression. She is always looking for the next thing that will 'definitely' make her happy but it never lasts. She, too, has moved house frequently. She has taken up hobbies but is disappointed that they don't become passions. She was told by her psychotherapist that she was an extreme perfectionist and was unable to accept what she did might not be perfect so often she didn't even start. Does this sound like you? Looking for external reasons to be settled or happy won't actually work if internally you are unhappy. I don't have an answer for you, I'm afraid, but I think you need to seek some counseling.

I know someone well who feels as you do Willow. She’s not depressed but feels she has ‘under achieved’ in life. She describes herself as ‘a failure’. It’s hard sometimes to be the wind beneath her wings as, no matter what I say to her, she has low self esteem. She is her own harshest critic yet is kindness and empathy itself to any of her friends - of which she has many.

I wish she could find more joy in her life from the choices she has made. I try to tell her ‘good enough is good enough’. I think she sets her achievement bar too high.

I wish you well Willow. Life for some is a struggle.
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Thank you all so much. I think you are right I need to speak to someone, you have all summed me up. When I said everyone it’s mostly neighbours and family. I have had incidences in my life that probably account for the way I am.

Maybe in some small way it help just to know you’re not the only one in life who feels this way Willow?

The person I know is smart, quick witted, good at problem solving, kind and a perfectionist. She worries constantly about her lifestyle when comparing herself with high achievers in her peer group. It upsets her because intelligence wise she could easily be one of them. Yet crippling anxiety holds her back. And somehow being unable to harness these good points into a solid ‘something more’.

I think she over-thinks things. She does too, but can’t switch her brain off. She wishes she could. That voice of criticism. That meany inner adversary. She says sometimes ‘it’s exhausting being me’.

It sounds to me as if you are running away from something, when you can find out/ come to terms with whatever it is, perhaps talking with a counsellor, you will perhaps be able to bring a halt to this repetitive lifestyle.

All I can say, from my own experience which is similar to yours, that is when you are content with yourself and you have faced your problems head on, you will have some time to think and most likely settle once and for all.

I’m sorry you feel as if you have had a ‘succession of failures’. To me you are someone who enjoys change and is ready to embrace something new. I see it as a positive but the majority of people dislike change and will try to persuade you that there is something wrong in that because it makes them uncomfortable.

Like you I have had a succession of jobs because I am quickly bored, I’ve moved a number of times because I like finding my way around a new area and yes, friends come and go. And I’ll never, never be able to apply myself to a hobby sufficiently for it to be saleable.

I do hope you can see yourself in a different light. I think you’d be a really interesting, fun person because you like to move on?

I agree with 3dognight The trouble with moving yourself geographically is that the problem within you moves with you, hence the persistent feeling of never being able to 'settle'. The journalist Jeffrey Bernard used to say he hated going on holiday because the first person he met when he got to [wherever it was] was always himself!
An experienced counsellor will be invaluable in helping you get to the bottom of your restlessness and lack of self esteem, but in the meantime go easy on yourself and try to be content with small achievements and don't expect perfection. You're doing well - a lot of people don't even bother to try. Wishing you the best of luck.

Willow73, it seems that you've been conditioned/primed to view yourself as a failure. Did you have an over critical parent, I wonder?

The way I see it, some people are content 'settlers' - while others are restless 'explorers'. I prefer the latter myself.

There is nothing wrong with you. You don't need fixing!

Be happy with who you are. Accept your own character. Don't ever try to be somebody else - and please don't aim to be perfect or normal (normal's so boring).

I am so pleased I posted on here, I thank you all for your views. I can't talk to family members about my feelings, so this has helped me.

Willow I hope some of the comments help. I think you'd be surprised how many feel as you do.
Urms Thank you for your post. You could have been describing me when you speak of your friend. She's lucky to have a friend like you.

Kate and Urms’s friend.....undiagnosed Adult ADHD ? Read up on it, it might be the problem.

Thank you Grandmafrench. I don't suffer with ADHD. I suffer with low (non existent really) self esteem and severe anxiety. It is caused by life events.