Gransnet forums


Mental health help

(24 Posts)
Toby1932 Fri 18-Feb-22 10:24:07

Hi everyone.
I have been going through A LOT of grief, online bulling and emotional abuse caused by my daughter and it’s still ongoing.
There are times my stubbornness kicks in and I’m like, “she isn’t going to rule my life and bring me down”
But there are a lot of times it’s all I think about I’m even having horrible dreams about it all.
My husband is great and so are family and friends but I’m the type of person who hates asking for help.
So I wondered if anyone can suggest like meditation etc to try and calm my mind.
I use to find walking was my saviour but due to mobility problems I can’t do as much as that now
Any suggestions?

BigBertha1 Fri 18-Feb-22 10:42:54

Toby I think the best place to start will be your GP - not for tablets as they shouldn't be the first resort but there are lots of others things you can do like relaxation but a conversation with your GP first would be my strong recommendation.

Grandmabatty Fri 18-Feb-22 10:45:30

There are some really good websites which you can access to help. I can't think of the names at the moment but definitely contact your doctor or practice nurse for advice.

Smileless2012 Fri 18-Feb-22 10:57:13

I think the first thing you need to do is step back from this relationship Toby. If she's able to access any online accounts you have for example face book and messenger, I suggest you block her.

Tell her why; that her behaviour is unacceptable and wont be tolerated. "she isn't going to rule my life and bring me down" is the right attitude but as well as finding ways to manage the way sh makes you feel, you need to find ways of preventing this from happening.

Talk it over with your H and other family members as having their support if you do decide for the time being to have no contact, will be important.

It wont be an easy decision to make, but for your own well being, please give it some thoughtflowers.

downnotout Fri 18-Feb-22 11:01:32

There is an app called 'Calm' and one called 'Headspace' that I use which are very good. Both free.

Hithere Fri 18-Feb-22 11:09:32

Get away from the bully.

Hithere Fri 18-Feb-22 11:10:26

If you tell us what bully behaviour is present, we could give more feedback

tickingbird Fri 18-Feb-22 11:22:53

Although I sympathise with your situation, you do have support from your husband so you aren’t alone in this. With regard to your daughter you need to step back. She can only bully and harass you if you allow her to. Block her and refuse to engage. You cannot allow her to wreck your head and destroy your peace of mind. Good luck.

Toby1932 Fri 18-Feb-22 12:27:08

Thank you everyone I so appreciate all your feed back
#hithere- it’s a long story. Everything was absolutely fine with us and then one day BAM! All this awful stuff she txt us. We tried to talk to her even to extent of apologising for whatever perceived grievance she had.
She has plastered all over Facebook etc how we emotionally abused her, threw her out the house when we knew she was in an abusive relationship. She is also using our wee grandson against us, we used to have him nearly every weekend and sometimes during the week when she had uni or work. Now we are only allowed 2 days a month and he is saying things to us like “ my mummy hates you” she refuses to have contact and only allowed to talk to her wife about pick up of our grandson. We have had numerous emails telling us basically do as I say or you will not see him.
We don’t engage at all with her and I have blocked her etc mainly so we can still see our grandson as we know he misses us very much. Since all this started he won’t sleep in his own bed at ours and wakes up crying saying he thought we had left him. It’s breaking my heart. Mainly for him, he doesn’t deserve this but I still do miss my daughter, we were so close

nanna8 Fri 18-Feb-22 12:31:01

I’d say your daughter has a mental health issue. I have seen this a few times and the ones closest are the ones who cop it. It would be good if she got help because it is clearly affecting her and making both of you unhappy.

Toby1932 Fri 18-Feb-22 12:35:18

There is sooo much more she has done. And it’s not the first or second time she has done similar things although not quite so bad. And we have ALWAYS forgiven her and took her back into the fold so to speak.
I’m just at my wits end, as I can’t defend myself at all. I’m too scared to lose all contact with my grandson as I feel right now he needs some stability

Hithere Fri 18-Feb-22 12:41:42

The relationship with your gc depends on the relationship with your dd, sadly

May I ask what the text said?
It is not the first time that both parties disagree on a conflict

aonk Fri 18-Feb-22 14:39:47

There is a lot of very helpful info on mental health problems on the NHS website

JaneJudge Fri 18-Feb-22 14:42:33

Through my GP I access the wellbeing service and received 1:1 counselling and I did meditation course which really has worked wonders wrt panic. Ring yours and see what is available?

I'm sure you could get lots of support on Gransnet too x

tickingbird Sat 19-Feb-22 09:04:47

You must be very worried about you gc. You have my sympathy flowers

Wyllow3 Sat 25-Jun-22 09:41:53

I have at last separated from my husband because of emotional abuse going back a long time. He has got Mental Health problems. its very tough Toby as you love the person who is abusive, don't you, as no one is bad all the time.

I sought counselling help to stop feeling guilty that I'd "rejected". I agree with others above that your daughter is likely to have Mental Health problems. Its complex because the sort of disorder where people blame others for their own pain isnt easily dealt with, the person concerned can't often admit it.

If it were not for your grandchild the only way ahead is to cut yourself off from that person before they damage you anymore, without losing your inner compassion for them.
Toby, I'd go for counselling help and support yourself. there may be a way through this that will emerge. All the very best.

memorysole Thu 30-Jun-22 12:53:03


greenlady102 Thu 30-Jun-22 13:11:28

Your post to me is like saying " I have got a cut on my leg, I keep picking the scab off and its not healing and I won't ask for help to fix it."
First thing is to stop picking the scab, ie cut your daughter off completely. No apology no explanation, just do it. Second thing is the first aid treatments you can give yourself so stress relief, focussing on the positive doing pleasant things and so on. Lastly if that doesn't work then go to your GP.

hairrootsyagoto Thu 30-Jun-22 15:09:40

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Allsorts Thu 30-Jun-22 15:29:45

Toby, the first thing is don’t enable her. Counselling won’t change your daughter, you just have to change how you react to her. Focus on those that care, she probably won’t change but that’s up to her. Don’t wast what time you have iPod someone so uncaring. It’s hard, I couldn’t do it anymore, so I made the decisions not to take more.

Michelle22 Mon 04-Jul-22 16:15:24

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

vskdvbskx Wed 06-Jul-22 13:34:02

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

aggie Wed 06-Jul-22 13:46:10

Reported , message has nothing to do with the thread

Purplepixie Wed 06-Jul-22 13:49:43

My best advice is for you to go to your GP and ask for one to one counselling. It is your daughter at fault but our brains are complex places and we cannot shut off the bad stuff from the good. I wish you well.