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(50 Posts)
LadyHonoriaDedlock Sun 27-Nov-22 15:55:10

I crashed and burned last night. It happens now and then, but this was a particularly rough landing. I guess it's the price I pay for being a very square peg in a very round world. I know I'm a bloody difficult woman sometimes, with autism and all.

I've fought battles with the mental health services for years, to no avail. My GP just wants to throw pills at it. I can't afford therapy.

Do any others of you know this feeling? How do you find it best to deal with it?

I'm over the worst now, I think, but I'm still very fragile. Can I have some TLC please?

Juliet27 Sun 27-Nov-22 16:05:51

Oh dear - that sounds miserable for you. I have little advice to offer but I hope others will have. I hope things improve for you 💐

Wyllow3 Sun 27-Nov-22 16:07:54

LadyHonoria well done to have the courage to post. Lots of virtual hugs and I hear you.

I do take meds and have managed to get some good help, some indifferent, some poor, help from MH services, and I am prepared to use crisis services. It is patchy. It is never ideal. The therapy that used to be offered free is now thin on the ground tho not non existent.

You may often not feel understood, you dear square peg.

So everyones "best deal with it" is different. Sometimes distraction helps. Sometimes crying. Sometimes talking. Some take the tablets. Some ring Samaritans.

Mostly, if there isn't the support you ideally want, I think the sheer will to survive until matters ease. Know that others care here, you will not get slapped with a label, you are who you are. xx

silverlining48 Sun 27-Nov-22 16:12:29

LadyHon so sorry, wish you well and here’s to a better day tomorrow flowersx

Litterpicker Sun 27-Nov-22 16:14:22

So sorry to hear of your painful depression and hope that someone on here may be able to offer some helpful advice. I am sure you are entitled to some NHS ‘talking therapy’. Have you tried contacting MIND for advice?

If you are happy to use Twitter I know there are a number of people on there who share their difficulties, including some fairly recently diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. They offer mutual support and understanding. One of these is Emma Mitchell who has written a book, The Wild Remedy. She has a science background and describes things that have helped her and which have some research back-up, such as looking at fractal patterns in nature.

Be kind to yourself, don’t judge yourself and make contact with others who understand, as you have done by posting on Gransnet. 🌸 🌼 🌸

Kandinsky Sun 27-Nov-22 16:21:24

flowers no magic wand advice unfortunately, but a virtual hug and support from me xx

Hithere Sun 27-Nov-22 16:24:28

So sorry, I compare depression with the Harry Potter dementors

I have certain movies I watch that cheer me up

Does somebody accept patients at sliding scale (you pay according to your income)?

Blondiescot Sun 27-Nov-22 16:25:04

It's hard and there's no 'one size fits all' solution. Be kind to yourself and please don't be afraid to ask for help if you need to. I'm not ashamed to say that I went down the route of medication - it works for me, I know it doesn't work for everyone and many people are often unwilling to do down that route, but there should be no shame in it. I hope you find brighter days ahead.

JaneJudge Sun 27-Nov-22 16:28:49

I'm sorry to hear you are so low sad are you able to pinpoint what tipped the balance for you? flowers

This link has some useful information your local autism charity may be able to provide access to counselling, so it is worth following up.

VioletSky Sun 27-Nov-22 16:31:24

Depression is incredibly difficult to live with.

I've fought for years against it and even knowing why I have depression and anxiety and addressing the causes, doesn't cure it.

I'm not diagnosed officially, it's tough as an adult to get one, but working closely with SEN, having a diagnosed child and having had a pediatrician assert they believe I am autistic, is enough confirmation for me.

I tried tablets for years but they didn't seem to help.

It never seems to be apparent that depression has a hold on me until I have hit the bottom and I'm looking at the swim up again.

All I can say is, be kind to yourself. You matter. Do the things that make you happy even if you dont feel like it or feel like you deserve it.

Be gentle with yourself. Take the alone time you need. Take the time to feel the feelings you have. Cry in the shower, understand that those emotions also deserve an outlet as much as happiness and joy do.

Depression is a part of us but it is not the definition of us. Remember all the positive things about yourself too.

It is also always worth looking into counselling. You can self refer now and many are means tested. You deserve to be heard.

I will be thinking of you, I've recently crashed myself. Strangely when I'm at my lowest is the hardest rime to talk about depression. So please keep talking

PoppyFlower Sun 27-Nov-22 16:35:05

Thinking of you, from one who is struggling with the return of panic attacks and mood instability. Its nice to know there are people out there who share some measure of our experience and we are not alone. 💜

LadyHonoriaDedlock Sun 27-Nov-22 17:05:32

Thank you. I wish there was a big hug button I could click on every message here.

I get frightened because I'm such a mess of contradictions. I think I probably come across to others as composed and clever and a bit aloof if not a bit weird but I'm really full of self doubt and often wonder if I fit in. I was told once when I was a local councillor that I was a good mixer and got invited to more than my share of mayor's receptions, and it's true that I can talk freely with strangers whether they're housing activists or ambassadors, but put me with a group of more than two or three friends and acquantances and I panic and switch off. I retreat into books and films, often of the kind that nobody else wants to talk about, I do courses and even do maths for fun sometimes, and I feel that everything I do, even going to the theatre or a concert I have to do it alone. I've never really found a role in the world, especially since I retired. I had a good career in IT until I was 40 and found that I was too old and not male enough for that industry so I, along with my accumulated, experience, was not wanted.

I don't even know if I belong here. My only child, my DD, who is 42, shows no sign of being at all maternal so I am grandchild-free. My only other surviving close relative, my sister, has been estranged from me for years: I know I have several great-neplings on that side but have never met any of them. Since my sister couldn't be arsed to turn up at our mum's funeral, never mind contribute anything during her long slide into dementia, I have no desire to make contact.

Kate1949 Sun 27-Nov-22 17:22:16

I feel for you. Yes you certainly can have some tlc. flowers Depression and anxiety are truly terrifying. I have suffered for years. I've always been what people would call 'nervous' due to awful life experiences.
I was in the GP's surgery a couple of years ago crying and shaking. She couldn't get me out of there quick enough. I had an experience that broke the camel's back.
You ask how people deal with it. I have no idea. I just keep getting up in the morning for some reason.
I wish you all the best and hope you overcome this soon. Gransnet has been a great support for me and I'm sure for others.

Skydancer Sun 27-Nov-22 17:25:15

I suffer from mild depression and have accepted it's how I'm made. I've read a lot about it over the years and have been to various therapists. By far the thing that helps me the most is the outdoors. Walking, gardening, being on the beach ... in fact my spirits lift the moment I step outside the front door. I believe that spending time in nature is even being prescribed now on the NHS as its benefits have been proved. I also read that those that suffer from depression can benefit from routine and I also believe this to be true. Good wishes.

Kate1949 Sun 27-Nov-22 17:27:15

Just to add, I think most people are a mess of contradictions. Most of us are like swans appearing to glide on a river serenely but frantically paddling beneath the surface. 🦢

downtoearth Sun 27-Nov-22 17:38:09

LHD,I am sending you a big hug.
Just over a week ago I really needed a hug,all the lovely grans rallied
and sent virtual hugs,they really helped the messages where so warm and comforting,so I am passing the hugs on

luluaugust Sun 27-Nov-22 17:39:08

I couldn't agree ore Kate1949. LadyH I send you a big hug.

Wyllow3 Sun 27-Nov-22 17:44:57


Just to add, I think most people are a mess of contradictions. Most of us are like swans appearing to glide on a river serenely but frantically paddling beneath the surface. 🦢

Pretty spot on Kate there tho undoubtedly its a matter of degree, some (and I hope for it for family) will not reach the worst depths)

Its currently between one in three and one in four who will have a MH problem sometime in their life.

Yes of course you belong in GN Lady Hon and one of its great strengths is that there is an openness around these issues rarely found elsewhere as there is also kindness (and moderators to keep boundaries). People who dont want to 'visit' these areas of suffering don't have to.

Lady Hon I dont know enough about adult autism to be more useful with your good question, "how to find more contact with others"

Kandinsky Sun 27-Nov-22 17:45:55


Of course you belong here. Plenty of people on GN without grand children. Look at the topics discussed, many of them have nothing to do with grandchildren.
I see this place as a forum for older adults.

And for what it’s worth, you sound extremely interesting.

VioletSky Sun 27-Nov-22 18:16:43

Weird people are the best people!

Be your best weird self smile

Blossoming Sun 27-Nov-22 18:54:53

I just want to say everyone belongs here, please never think otherwise x

JaneJudge Sun 27-Nov-22 19:08:37

LadyHonoriaDedlock, you belong here smile just remember there is nothing wrong with being you.

I'm upset as my boss said to me last week he was unhappy with me being quiet and he wanted me to be louder and more like other people and I said to his face, I am not quiet, I'm confident and don't need to fill a space with noise. I am comfortable with who I am. I don't need to be anyone else, I am just me. They have no issue with my work and over the weekend I have become more and more FURIOUS about it, to the point I reckon I'll have a migraine and not be able to go into work tomorrow blush

rafichagran Sun 27-Nov-22 19:14:33


I just want to say everyone belongs here, please never think otherwise x

I agree, a nice post. I have depression and I to take meds for it. I see them as helping me do the things that need doing.

I work, but not for too long now I hope, I have a partner who I love, and I drive, so can get out.I mostly have acceptance of myself warts and all.

Urmstongran Sun 27-Nov-22 19:52:30

Oh LadyHonoria it takes chutzpah I think to say ‘I’m struggling’.
Please accept a big hug from me.
You’ve obviously known tough times before. This is one more it seems and I hope you’ll feel lighter soon. x
I have absolutely no words of wisdom and can only offer my sincere compassion for your plight.

Smileless2012 Sun 27-Nov-22 20:06:12

Sending you a BIG (((hug))) LadyHonoria and FWIW, you've described how I feel sometimes so I appreciate and admire your courage for being so open and honestflowers.