Gransnet forums


The right to choose to die

(95 Posts)
Franbern Mon 27-Nov-23 18:53:01

I just feel so very angry, it is very, very silly that someone who can never make any sort of improvement in their condition, who is stuck in a bed unable even to get a drink for themselves, of move any part of their body, who wants, in their own repeated words, ‘to bring this to an end’ can only be ‘made comfortable’.
Yes, Hospice staff are lovely, sympathetic and caring, but it is still a hospital. Most of the time he is asleep, when he does open his eyes, just for few minutes, he can hardly talk, may take a few sips of some water and then falls asleep again. How long can this go on, days? Weeks??? Who knows????
How very stupid and wrong is the law in UK that doesn’t allow anyone to choose to ask medics to bring about that final sleep. Suicide is not a crime, and if someone is able they can take their own life, but when someone is, completely disabled and totally reliant on others, they do not have that choice.
Horrible way to end ones life, horrible for them horrible for their families, frightening for those of us who are old and know it is going to be our turn fairly soon.

Vito Mon 27-Nov-23 19:05:21

Oh Franbern I hear your pain. It's not fair or right, I'm so sorry your going through this. My thoughts and love to you flowers

Shelflife Mon 27-Nov-23 19:13:17

Franbern, I too ' feel 'your distress. 💐💐💐💐

Charleygirl5 Mon 27-Nov-23 19:28:53

I totally agree with you but the other side of the coin is when medical staff tell relatives that nothing more can be done and they want to switch off the machinery and allow the patient to die shortly after.

Some relatives are totally unrealistic and try not to allow it to happen.

Doodledog Mon 27-Nov-23 19:30:10

I'm so sorry, Franbern. I agree that the law should allow people to make those choices themselves. I hope your situation is resolved very soon, in the best way it can in the circumstances flowers

adrisco Mon 27-Nov-23 19:40:49

I feel for you Franbern. I am in your situation. My husband is receiving "End of Life" care in hospital. Don't know if it will be days or weeks. He would hate this if he knew. It's heartbreaking, an ongoing nightmare.

Smileless2012 Mon 27-Nov-23 19:43:59

So sorry Franbern and adrisco. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through.

Yes, the law needs to be changed.


Starof1972 Mon 27-Nov-23 19:51:26

My heart goes out to you both. Such an awful time for you and your loved ones flowers

Grannybags Mon 27-Nov-23 20:05:09

So sorry that both of you and your families are having to go through this. flowers

I agree wholeheartedly that the law needs to change

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 27-Nov-23 20:06:42

Absolutely the law needs to be changed, I sat and watched both parents die slowly.

It’s a terrible time for you.

ayse Mon 27-Nov-23 20:13:54

My heart too goes out to both of you. I believe the law should be changed as well. Sending hugs 💐💐💐💐

choughdancer Mon 27-Nov-23 20:19:06

It's such an injustice. It must be heart-breaking for you going through this Franbern and adrisco.

Yes I agree; it's time for the law to be changed.

SueDonim Mon 27-Nov-23 20:22:10

I’m so sad for you both, Franbern and Andrisco. flowers

Iam64 Mon 27-Nov-23 20:22:58

So sorry to read of your sadness in such a tough time franbern. It’s just over a year since we were in end of life care for my husband. We need a grown up discussion about assisted suicide as part of end of life care.
Look after yourself as best you can x

V3ra Mon 27-Nov-23 20:36:25

Thinking of you all xx

LauraNorderr Mon 27-Nov-23 20:45:12

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this awful time Franbern and adrisco.

nanaK54 Mon 27-Nov-23 21:04:14

Sending kindest thoughts flowers

Ali23 Mon 27-Nov-23 21:14:28

So sorry that this is happening to your loved ones. Heartbreaking.
I agree, the law definitely needs to be changed.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 27-Nov-23 21:23:45

In my prayers. I wholeheartedly agree with the right to end your own life.

Whiff Mon 27-Nov-23 21:53:58

When my husband was terminal we talked about what if the pain got to hard to bear. He decided he wanted his life to end and if he had asked I would have given him a massive dose of morphine. Our children knew their dads decision and supported it.

Our McMillan nurse had already told us the only dose to stop his agony was the dose that would have killed him.

This was end 2003 beginning 2004. We had enough morphine tablets in the house to kill several herds of elephants. In fact our son took 2 large carrier bags full of tablet and liquid morphine to the pharmacy the day after his dad died.

Quality of life is what's important not quantity. My husband had no quality of life and was on a morphine doser . He became unconscious before he could ask me to over dose him. On full oxygen he couldn't breath. They say hearing is the last thing to go. He was at home in our bed with me and the children and I told him to stop fighting we would be ok..He died few minutes after.

My mom's dementia killed her long before her body died. She would have hated what she became . My mom attacked my daily for 4 months verbally and physically. I wish in her lucid moments she had ask me to stop her suffering. And I would have . Even though I would have had a criminal record.

I hope when my time comes I can choice how and when I want to die. Animals have more rights in this country than humans. No one would let an animal stuffer but it's ok for a human to be in agony.

seadragon Mon 27-Nov-23 22:15:48

I wrote to our local MP, Liam McArthur about this - as suggested by The bill - is going through the Scottish parliament now.
I also read this recently: - very thought provoking.

Sweetpeasue Mon 27-Nov-23 23:32:56

Franzen and Adrisco My heart goes out to you both. My mum was in hospice and in huge pain.
I just wanted it to end.
I'm so very sorry. I asked the Hospice Dr to give her enough medication , even though, I was told ,it would end her life. This was just over 20 yrs ago.
You are in my thoughts and so hope your pain , and theirs, will end soon. X

Sweetpeasue Mon 27-Nov-23 23:34:16

Sorry. Franbern

maddyone Mon 27-Nov-23 23:41:31

Franbern I’m so sorry. I agree that people should be able to choose to end their lives when they want to in this country.
Thinking of you both flowers

yggdrasil Tue 28-Nov-23 10:36:24

Get a tattoo that says DNR