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DD putting herself at risk, its giving me sleepless nights

(95 Posts)
SuperTinny Wed 07-Feb-24 20:51:38

Just looking for some support.

My DD is well educated and is a very responsible, well paid health care professional. She has a lovely husband and a nearly four year old. Their second child is due by planned Caesarian section (if all goes to plan) sometime the week begining 27th April 2024. Her first child arrived at 38 weeks and she has lost five pregnancies trying for a second child. She has a Schirodaker suture in her Cervix to help keep it closed. Because of this if her waters were to break or she went into labour early then it would be a medical emergency.

My problem is this. DD has decided that above all else she has to visit Harry Potter World with an old school friend. They both grew up reading HP and were mad on the books. They have been to HPW before about ten years ago.
They have booked for 13th April as all previous convenient dates were fully booked.

She will be in her 37th week of a hard earned pregnancy and at risk of an early labour. She will be travelling alone by train and meeting the friend there. She lives 200 hundred miles from HPW and will have to travel across London from Paddington to Euston on the underground on a Saturday afternoon. There is a further train change after Euston to get to Watford, a shuttle bus to the attraction and the nearest hotel is a 2.5 mile taxi journey afterwards. Then there is the return journey on Sunday. The journey across London will be unfamiliar to her and she will be looking at directions etc.

I am exasperated with her that she thinks that a lone travelling, heavily pregnant female who is advertising her unfamiliarity with her surroundings by looking at her phone and boards for directions is not a target for attack or assault. Added to that her pregnancy will be at a very vulnerable stage and I am so very scared for her. On top of that she will have a return journey of around 9 hours for a 3 hour evening visit.

I am losing considerable sleep over this and have had several conversations with her about it. I've tried to reason with her, I've tried to frighten her. I know that I cannot physically stop her but I feel I need to try everything, because if anything happened I would forever regret not doing everything I could to stop this (in my opinion) frivolous and selfish trip.

Am I over reacting like she thinks I am?

caknib Wed 07-Feb-24 20:57:32

Tricky one. I think she is making a poor choice. Could you back off a bit and see how that goes?

MissAdventure Wed 07-Feb-24 21:01:19

Is 37 or 38 weeks considered early?
I do think you're catastrophising a bit.

Iam64 Wed 07-Feb-24 21:05:54

It’s her business in truth

Galaxy Wed 07-Feb-24 21:06:22

Its Harry Potter world not the moon. I have done the journey and it's very straightforward.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 07-Feb-24 21:07:18

She’s risking the life of her baby. Highly irresponsible in my opinion. Can her husband/partner not get her to see that the safety of the baby is somewhat more important than visiting HPW?

CanadianGran Wed 07-Feb-24 21:08:05

While the thought of attack wouldn't even occur to me, the risk of a long journey at 37 weeks in a high risk pregnancy is really silly.

It sounds like you have voiced your opinion already, I would leave it at that. I'm sure her husband would have his own thoughts as well, and may try to discourage her.

Mollygo Wed 07-Feb-24 21:17:48

I don’t think you are overreacting, but it’s her decision. Hopefully all will go well, but if things go wrong, anything you might have said will be cited as a cause. If you had said nothing, you would have been at fault for not warning her.
I wouldn’t have gone at 37 weeks, simply because of how tired and uncomfortable I felt. Your daughter may well change her mind, but you’ll have to leave it up to her. Sorry you’re losing sleep.

Ali23 Wed 07-Feb-24 21:24:37

I don’t think she’s vulnerable to attack, but I do think she has chosen a tricky time to be going on a day trip.

I’m sure she will be being monitored quite closely. Maybe she can run her idea by the midwife/ doctor?

I feel for you. It’s so hard for us to bite our tongue when our AC is taking a risk, but we probably wouldn’t have wanted advice in our day either.

Doodledog Wed 07-Feb-24 21:25:35

I think the risk of attack is slight, but the journey is likely to be difficult for her, and she’ll arrive at HPW exhausted. All the same, as an adult it is up to her, and if you keep on at her she is likely to get annoyed (or my daughter would, anyway).

GrannySomerset Wed 07-Feb-24 21:28:37

You describe her as a health care professional so presumably she knows whether this trip is risky or not. I would share your concern but keep it to myself as daughters can be very resistant to maternal advice!

Norah Wed 07-Feb-24 21:30:48

She's not thinking straight, but you'd best be quiet having already given your opinion. Our daughters would go to spite us if we kept on.

rosie1959 Wed 07-Feb-24 21:31:17

As an adult it's her choice she may feel less like doing the journey as it gets nearer to her due date. I personally would not chance it but not because of any fear of attack she is in central London and as you say she is well educated so will have worked out which tube ect she needs in advance. London is not a dangerous city.

BlueBelle Wed 07-Feb-24 21:40:53

Can understand you worrying about the pregnancy but being attacked or assaulted is quite a way beyond imagination
I certainly wouldn’t have been wanting to do that journey at 37 weeks as I was so tired and lifeless at the end of pregnancies but she’s a fully fledged adult and nothing you can do or say just like nothing I could do when my youngest told me she was bungee jumping over lake Victoria
I think she’s a bit daft to go at such a late stage of a difficult pregnancy as that could prove a bad move but it’s really between her and her husband ….what does he say?
Please don’t be in a stew until the end of April it’s a long time and going to spoil your life
We really shouldn’t know everything our grown up children’s are doing with their lives a pity she told you about the trip

Maggiemaybe Wed 07-Feb-24 21:51:52

If this were my daughter I’d never even have considered that she’d be a target for an assault or attack, so I can understand why your DD thinks you’re over-reacting if you’re giving that as your main cause for concern.

But I would be very worried about her taking on this expedition so late in a high risk pregnancy. As others have said though, best bite your lip now and just hope that she might think twice about it herself as she gets closer to the date. You’ve told her how concerned you are and you can’t do any more.

flappergirl Wed 07-Feb-24 21:53:12

I agree it seems like a curious decision even with a straight forward pregnancy. I would definitely not have wanted to treck 200 miles on public transport to spend the day walking around a theme park. Is she likely to enjoy it? Has she thought it through?

The thought of her being attacked however would not occur to me.

Nannytopsy Wed 07-Feb-24 22:20:17

My DD has just had a baby at 38 weeks. By 37 weeks she could hardly put one foot in front of the other, let alone walk around HPW. And the journey??
I hope your SiL can talk to her.

Callistemon21 Wed 07-Feb-24 22:21:45

Bluebelle said:
she’s a fully fledged adult and nothing you can do or say just like nothing I could do when my youngest told me she was bungee jumping over lake Victoria

Generally, mine used to tell me what they'd done after the event. It saved me from a lot of angst although I was horrified when I heard about some of the escapades afterwards.

You describe her as a health care professional so presumably she knows whether this trip is risky or not. I would share your concern but keep it to myself as daughters can be very resistant to maternal advice!

I agree with what GrannySomerset says

We never stop worrying, do we.

Callistemon21 Wed 07-Feb-24 22:22:46

Although I think it's an odd thing to want to do, too.

Nightsky2 Wed 07-Feb-24 22:26:32

Blow Harry Potter World. Your DD should be putting her pregnancy first and not undertaking such a journey on her own at 37 weeks pregnant. I think she’s being very irresponsible but come the time I doubt she’ll have the energy or enthusiasm for such a journey.

Callistemon21 Wed 07-Feb-24 22:26:59

She will be in her 37th week

So she's about 25 or 26 weeks now? She might feel quite differently by 37 weeks.

MissAdventure Wed 07-Feb-24 22:28:44

She isn't walking there.

Once she is on each train or in a cab she'll be sitting down.

Cold Wed 07-Feb-24 22:31:27

I don't think that the risk of attack is any higher than if she were shopping in her local high street - so I really wouldn't worry about this and if this is one of your main arguments then I think you are overreacting.

It is probably not the wisest trip during a difficult pregnancy and possibly she won't feel like it when the time comes. However the trip seems to be in areas that are very well provided with hospitals so if she needed medical care it would be very close to hand.

mumofmadboys Wed 07-Feb-24 22:49:23

You've told her your view. Now say nothing more! I'm sure she'll be ok or even pull out herself nearer the time. Hope all goes well for her delivery.

NotSpaghetti Wed 07-Feb-24 23:05:35

You could ask her to take a taxi across London if it worries you...
I have paid for a taxi for one of my daughters in other difficult circumstances. She said something like "I'll do it for you mum as I know you're just worried about me"

Also, don't forget some of our very best hospitals are in London.