Help, calm me. House buying and selling stress

craftyone. I am so very sorry to hear how stressful this is. I do understand. I have been a widow since I was just 42 and had to sell the house when my H died and my buyer dropped out the day before we were due to move without telling me! I nearly lost our next house - the children were still at home - but the people begged their next people to hold on and so we just about made it by my dropping the price.
I would try and develop a really hard-hearted attitude to all this! I think the whole process has become a huge bullying machine and the trick is to not let it get to you! Somehow - just somehow - develop that "I don't care any more!" attitude. If it works out now - good. If not,- then there will be another way! I can't think of any other way of coping with it I am afraid. You will hear so many people giving their nightmarish stories about moving and selling and buying the next house! Do not allow anyone to bully you and just try and live your life for other things as well as the moving house issues. I did think people (sorry it was men) tried to bully me when I had my house on sale. I just stood my ground. I did not argue; did not give excuses, I was just a bit vague and sort of distant but polite! I decided if they didn't want to pay my price then tough! I did not really want to be in a negotiating process with them!
I'm sorry I can't offer better help. Please do have a bit of time with friends if you can, and do some things you enjoy. I find that moving can become too overwhelming. I try to become a bit numb about the whole process and just let things happen as much as possible. I have moved three times since my husband died. The first time with the children, but the children were not exactly able to support me, being children, then twice on my own. In some ways it is better on your own, because you do not have anybody disagreeing with you or pestering you to do things. My husband was very critical and a liability when it came to organising things like selling the house.

I really do believe you will get through and will move and settle in your new home! Just try not to let this process overwhelm you! Especially the form with questions - get your Solicitor's help if there are any more like that! Really! These days the whole business has become ridiculous! Poor you! Keep your chin up. It will work out! It's the same for everyone else - so I'm sure you are doing very well and better than it feels!

Sorry - these 25 questions - did your Buyer just hatch them up or are they a legitimate part of the selling process? Some Buyers decide to get "heavy" for no good reason. The only two buyers who played these tricks on me were, in reverse order; one wanted a list of questions answered regarding the extension the previous Owner had built. It was a simple utility room and I could not answer the questions. This was the young man who dropped out without notifying my agent or I that he was not going to buy. He had negotiated to exchange and complete on the same day, i.e. moving day. Never shall I do that again. He was a young Solicitor who was holding out for the price to drop on another house. The other person who put pressure on me decided just as we were to exchange that he needed to drop the price he was paying by £5,000 because "his Buyer had dropped his price". This man, my buyer, was a Quantity Surveyor. I knew it was pressure just because we were about to exchange, so I told my Agent to say no, and tell him to sell one of his cars! Needless to say he found the money straight away!

So do not be pushed around, especially needlessly. Always ask your Solicitor's help!

Lots of love and real understanding! Elle

Chewbacca. That's great advice! I shall keep it in mind as I may move in a couple of years. Thanks!

Right! That's it then. I won't be moving again after all! I was in two minds anyway .............

Oh my, some sorry tales in your posts. That offering less just before exchange, I think it is called gazundering.

My house has some unusual systems in it that make it very cheap to run, most people have no idea about the construction and workings so I understand that questions have to be asked. I was honest right from the start. I think in hindsight I would not have been quite so open on the sellers pack. Everything has been done properly by tradespeaple but sometimes they never left certificates, I am talking 9 years ago. Anyway, it will all end up well I think. I have nothing to hide and they will be getting a lovely house at a very good price, I am sure they know it

I too am in the middle of very stressful buying and selling of property, and this is also my first time doing it on my own.
The horror stories on this thread have filled me with dread! My main worry is that the buyers survey will be so negative that they will attempt to drop the price (already lowered by £60K from original price!) especially as they will be relying on a mortgage to buy and it seems that mortgage companies are very skittish! Any further lowering of the price will mean I can’t buy the place I have offered on and I will be left in a pickle! I am also worried about all the paper work everyone advises you need to have! the property is very old and lots of bits and bobs have been done without retaining paper work. The whole thing sounds a nightmare!!
I am also trying to co ordinate my daughters move for her as she has suddenly become a single parent to three young children and wants to move to be near me, this along side recovering from cancer.
Currently feeling a bit overwhelmed

Jenpax ?

It is a stressful time jenpax but don't get too stressed about all the bits of paperwork you're asked for. If you don't have it; just be honest and say so. As I said upthread, my solicitor asked me to provide evidence of the windows and doors FENSA certificate, amongst other things, and I couldn't find it anywhere. I've now heard back from them that it's easily available online and the solicitor can get a copy that way.
There are so many bits of paper and certificates for work done over the years that it's completely understandable if bits get mislaid. If you can't find it, or never had it, just say that.

Not all that much better in Scotland - our MP pulled out after numerous assurances, numerous unannounced visits (sometimes with his “colleagues” in tow), searches which cost us £1000’s, hysterical visits from his then partner etc etc. He lost his seat at the next election. I cheered.
I wish you well OP - hang in there and it will come good, it did for us eventually.

We put our house on the market last month ,we found a house we liked the same week and offered over the asking price..well over and asked the seller to take it off the market as we've already lost two houses in the past few years after having offers accepted.He was happy to ,he said because he was in no rush to complete as he's moved in with a new partner.
He seems to have changed his mind as his solicitors have been hounding us daily,he wants acompletion date in April!!Meantime the people who are interested in our house wont offer until they get a firm offer on theirs.Its very stressful and I'm inclined to tell the guy in our "new" house just to put it back on the market as I'm not being pushed into anything .We did say we might rent this house but have been advised against it by our accountant/financial adviser who says the current financial climate is not the time to make these choices.So we'll stay where we are until we get a firm offer and if we have to give up on the house we want and rent then thats what we'll do until we find something else .Hoping Monday will bring some positive news so I can relax before my 65th birthday next week

Jenpax, that is worry in multiples. Try and take just one day at a time. What helped me was believing in fate, what will be will be

Paddyann, that is a bad chain to be in, when one part is hounding. I wish all parties were more laid back and accepting. I have fingers crossed that my buyer is accepting, my builder certainly is and thank goodness I never went with one of the big builders, they insist on exchange in 6 weeks and then have open ended completion. I paid my deposit, my builder said` my word is my bond` and I said `me too` and that was that. The paperwork problems are at his end but not his personal fault. We are on good terms, which is helping. He said the other day that he would take my stress and do what he can to help me move in

Paddyann, I was like that, just waiting for news, any information. I never at any point chased my solicitor who is wonderful. She e mailed me as soon as she had snippets to pass on. That waiting until monday, that was me, week after week, all through winter when I had to stay in because of the weather. I knitted several jumpers in that time. Roll on tomorrow afternoon, when my meeting with solicitor will be over and selling contracts signed on my part

I am killing time time now, superficially but keeping at a slow pace. A bit of packing here and there. Putting boxes into areas so I can just say, all that for upstairs. It is quite good to have a smaller van, will help me. Washing floors today and dusting, using up bags of wood pellets, I want to run down to a full stove hopper for the buyer with no spare bags in the store. I will be so grateful not to have to transport these bags, to lift and pour. 15kg bags. I will cherish having just a switch on a gas boiler

ooh spring makes a difference, no wonder people get their buying/selling mojo in spring. Energy is back

I haven`t let the grass grow today but I have paced myself. Allotment first, lunch and then set to on some packing again. I have to send photos for a quote for my men and van. It makes sense for me to get things as clear as I can. 2 bedrooms and a craft room all ready with neatly stacked boxes.

I have some furniture to go too, beds and a very tall double unit. I gingerly unscrewed the 6 curved doors because it is unstable with the doors open. Then I unscrewed the restraints holding it to the wall at the top, fortunately that unit is in 2 sections and looks like light oak but is relatively lightweight. Got to do it in reverse when I am in, will use fischer UX plugs and nice long screws, it will be safe. It is safe now with the doors off

If I am honest, I am killing time to tomorrow, I want the solicitor to say that the answers to questions are fine

Just when I start to get worried about cash flow for all this, all the extras like removals, landline, new locks, window furnishings, screws and fittings, payments for this and that. Karma steps in, a fixed term account that I had pushed to the back of my mind because I cannot draw on it early, it dropped interest into my bank account today. What a relief, there is stress from paying for all the moving extras. Something that I really did not account for in the big picture

D day today, will my answers be enough? Better blooming well will be, there is not a single document left unturned. Nothing that is not in the pack for my buyer. After this it will just have to be my word

Insurance next, got to be ready with some answers for the broker that I will be using. Rebuilding cost, not the sale price btw and rebuilding will be less. I got mine from builder plus info from bcis. I remembered to add in the hard flooring. Contents will be less than now because I have given so much away but I will still be over insuring, I know that. I hate insurance but it is very necessary. Got to have details ready for as soon as I get an exchange date

My appointment with the solicitor yesterday went as well as expected. I have been thinking about the hours I spent on getting my answer pack ready. Day 1 (also panic time) was a good 4 hours with rough sorting, day 2 I refined somewhat and made a draft typed list of answers, day 3 I did the final copy of answers being very methodical number by number with polypockets and tabs. All in all 14 hours at least

I emphasised to her that I have nothing left to give except what I know with no evidence. I wish I had not been so honest about some things eg the extra electrics in the garage, all done by an electrician 5 years ago, he took cash and went without leaving a certificate and now I may have to buy an indemnity insurance on the buyers request. I would feel vengeful if they asked. I have never been mean in what I was leaving for them, including large beautiful plants in very large salt washed pots, outdoor large as new sun umbrella in a lovely secure stand, almost new brabantia rotary and so it goes on. If they ask me to pay for that imdemnity, maybe £15 then goodwill will be out of the window, it goes 2 ways. I would leave those things anyway as I put them in the sellers pack but as for that last sparkle clean and window polishing!

Stress is low now, I am pottering today, dismantling some storage units, holding the poles together with elastic bands. Takes less space that way. Chrome units from bigdug, fantastic units which dismantle, also needed is a rubber mallet and low steps to reach the top for assembly

Next update from me will be when I have exchange on the new build, stress is lower but it took a lot of work to get there. I want to pack my car for the first trip, silly thought, want to see how much I can get into my yeti, I took the seats out. Step 1 removals to be prepped properly now that I am in limbo again, something to do

For anyone else in stress hell, then try and break it up into chunks, if nothing else then prep a room or a cupboard ready to move and trust in fate

Oh craftyone, I truly sympathise with your moving stress as I have been homeless since October, when I sold my house but the one I wanted to buy fell through.

I am afraid I am like your cautious buyers. The house I wanted was a timber frame with many ‘eco” features but as I went further into the process the lack of certificates for the build was very worrying. I had a full survey but even then the surveyor could only comment on what he could see not the fundamental construction. And further work had been done on an ad hoc basis. So I pulled out.

You may think that was wrong of me but I would have been an idiot to spend all my money on a house that even a professional was unsure of. And Im afraid there was no question of “taking the owners word” for the quality of what went on. After all, if you paid cash to someone who couldn’t give you a certificate, then actually you don’t know the electrics were done properly.

Please don’t get riled up against your buyers. They are committing themselves to a great deal of money. They need the security of knowing they are making a good decision.

And please get a survey on your purchase. Just because it is a new build doesn’t mean everything will be ok. I know this from my experience. Make sure you have a “snagging” two year guarantee and an 10 year certificate. And a good solicitor who will go into all the clauses in the contract. Don’t take anyone’s “word” especially not the builders. If he says the driveway will be paved (or something similar) get it in writing. Otherwise you don’t have a leg to stand on when he just throws down some gravel☹️

Be as thorough and level headed as your buyers.

I truly hope all goes well for you.

I have a heads start eglantine, husband was a structural engineer and I even have his drawings for the store he had constructed. The completion certificate is supplied by building regulations and is issued after an eco house is fully built. Trouble is that so many people have no idea about these concepts, including what is RHI and PV and how solar thermal is not PV. That alas includes many surveyors who gloss over what they don`t know about. Some surveyors will not survey a purpose built eco house. Fortunately they sell very quickly on this tiny 9 year old development and all have been trouble free and very cost efficient, in fact providing an income well above costs as well as a bright and lovely home

New house is absolutely sound and everything is already there. If I had any doubts then I would have asked a structs eng friend to take a look or a surveyor friend but being the person with the mind I have and the knowledge I have gained, the new house is 100+ % sound

I have an excellent solicitor and know all about the 2 year snagging and thereafter the 8 years with nhbc or similar. Nhbc covers the 2 years snagging in case the developer goes bust

Eglantine, your problem with lack of certificates for the eco aspects, were they built in as part of the house ie prior to completion? If so then there would have been nothing to worry about

You Di sound super organised craftyone everything has been meticulously thought out.

Are you a Virgo?

Or a Taurean - a veritable force of planning and ‘doing’.

haha urmstongran, I am a very typical capricorn and a scientist, so have a methodical brain, comes in useful sometimes. My son is an IT project manager and he says what I am doing is project managing and is good for me wrt this buying/selling. Honestly I could not leave this to the removers to sort. Photos of garage/workshop stuff later when battery has charged, so I can get a quote. Reason being that I (whoopee) just had an e mail from solicitor saying that exchange on new build is very close and she has asked for completion to be soon after, my request to her yesterday

My car is half full, I couldn`t help it, fate was driving me to get a lot of chrome bigdug shelving units into it. 9` length x 6` high by 18" deep, all dismantled and in, topped with all the foam flooring and I still have a lot of space, yeti with seats out. I am glad I did it, only got the solicitor e mail 30 minutes ago. Took me 7 hours solid today, to get the garage sorted.

Thank heavens for a 2 wheeled barrow, I transported heavy wooden shelving units that husband had made for me for under stairs. 2 of them and they will fit in the centre of new garage, back to back, I will join with metal joining plates so it becaomes a very sturdy unit. Love doing this stuff, using a drill.

2 more bleeping questions this morning, definitely not good for my stress levels. I can feel my heart beating faster every time I get these questions. I have answered them but quite honestly they arenothing to do with enjoyment of this house. They are most definitely nit picking.

craftyone
I am aghast at what you are suffering! So sorry for you!

I feel awful for asking, maybe someone else will tell me: Do you have to answer their questions every time? I mean, what if you don't know the answers? I'm sure I wouldn't know most answers to questions about my house.

I know it may not help, but could you call their bluff? Say that you have told them all you can and if they need more you simply can't furnish them with it? Plus - If that isn't to their liking then they will just have to buy another house?

I was able to say that to two buyers on two separate occasions when moving at different times. I just said "No I can't" and told them if it wasn't good enough then I'd just have to put the house back on the market or not move. Each time they just went ahead and bought the house.

I don't know the current situation/law/demands but it sounds so much as if they are bullying you. I am so sorry! It is despicable.

I wish I could help. Lots of love, T.Elle x

Ahh thanks T.Elle. I love these nice vibes from you

The questions, yes they have to be answered very honestly and matter of factly, no beating around the bush. If I have no cert then I say, if it is about a land reg detail then I say exactly what I know. If I did not know the answer at all then I would say `not known` but luckily I have known the answers, even if it was `no certificate`. I have had to stop myself at times from saying too much. Just need straight focused precise answers

I have been running the management company here, small one, am chair/secretary and am very sure of my terminology and facts. Very very grateful for that and I have been passing info to the others eg a car space must be called a car space if it is a car space, even if it has a roof over it, not a car port if it was designated a car space in land reg docs. I will be very glad to leave all that behind

Anway comfort chocolate and ice cream eaten, a tip run done for something to do and a few more things gone. I am thinking of fully packing the car now. Well maybe put the things on my work bench instead, I feel like doing something constructive

That didn`t take long, good job I looked, I had to search for the stanley knives. I have a foam floor to put downin the garage before I start to get the chrome shelving up. I also threw an overnight bag together with toiletries and towels. I have already packed basic food, cloakroom stuff etc. Now I need to think about something to cover the window with, to darken the bedroom. oh yes, space blanket and blu tac. The high aerobed is in the hall plus all the rest of the stuff, I need to throw some bedding into a big bag and I think that will all be enough to fill my car

Insurance will be in place and this house is very very safe, so I will stay in my new house, I can leave this house without worry.. Tiny tall table and a bedside light so I don`t get lost looking for the en suite

I wish it was soon

I am sorry to hear this is being so difficult, exactly what you did not want. I work online or by phone as a counsellor/ coach, including destressing. Just in case you would like to actually talk with someone. Whether me or someone else! Feeling alone with this is a very big deal. There may be other pressures adding to your stress, you can check it out here... www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_82.htm