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Help calm me, house buying and selling stress part 2

(768 Posts)
craftyone Sat 21-Sep-19 06:48:35

The first thread
www.gransnet.com/forums/house_and_home/1259313-Help-calm-me-House-buying-and-selling-stress

thread number 2

craftyone Sat 21-Sep-19 06:59:22

Back to the last post mosaics, I sent the 3 forms and cheques off yesterday. The children are between 10 and 12 and I am going to gather them up and have a little chat with them. Its not to be used for anything else in the future except to be getting onto the housing ladder or to pay towards college and further education fees and I need to make them understand that. Trouble is that it can be accessed at 16 but they are are all sensible at the moment. I will be asking them for proof of what is in there in future years, they will need to put any winnings in there too. I am going to be strict and have no hesitation in making adjustments in later life ie carrots not sticks. I think I will get each of them a small notebook to record winnings and progress

Its wood carving today, I am excited, haven`t done anything properly for over a year, about time I started to spread my wings

Enjoy summer`s last gasp this weekend

Whiff Sat 21-Sep-19 07:55:06

Craftyone do I text on this thread or your original one. As I have mentioned I am not very technically minded. As for you giving money to the children to pay towards education or a home could you have it put into trust stating they can't touch the money until a certain age for example 18 or 21?

Have a good day wood craving.

mosaicwarts Sat 21-Sep-19 09:12:12

When I was teaching 16 year olds I remember the joy of a student whose grandmother had left her some money - she was planning on spending it on driving lessons and a car. She'll only be 46 now - I wonder how her life turned out!

No phone call from the EA yesterday with an update. I wonder what is happening but am nervous to ring them.

Off to the beach with my doggie, then home to declutter more, wish my car had a roof rack so I could take everything tomorrow. Mustering my energy to put things on ebay, I never have the right shaped boxes so might collect some first, would be sensible. I have about ten Derek Fowler pottery 'night lights' which I've hung on to for forty years, silly really, but they appeal to the child in me. Off they go!

Have a good day all smile

Franbern Sat 21-Sep-19 10:25:40

To give a lovely financial present, and to try to continue controlling its use is not really a very good idea. They will resent it - even if using it as desired. There are far better ways if giving money presents to be used for one specific purpose (ie;property purchase). Mind you, in other countries this is far less important as rental property is easily and cheaply available and secure and enables people to move around with much more ease. Could go that way over here eventually.
Must say I have always been reluctant to give young people access to a lot of money - Whereas in my will all my assets will be shared out totally equally between my five children, I have also put in a clause that should any of them pre-decease me then that portion to be shared between THEIR children - but they would not have access to this until they were 25 years of age.

craftyone Sat 21-Sep-19 15:22:44

I am not going to tie the children down in any way and the premium bonds will perhaps generate some prizes for them. We will have the conversation and carrots will be used, I have a plan going forward and they will respect it and my donation. It may well be used for uni, who knows. It may be wasted but that is a life lesson as will be the lack of carrots if it is used frivolously. Knowing them, they will respect and be grateful although I am not looking for gratitude

mosaics the weekend vacuum was the worst time

mosaicwarts Sun 22-Sep-19 08:32:09

Anyone else woken up to thick fog? We don't normally get it until October!

Whiff Sun 22-Sep-19 10:27:16

Just heavy rain here Mosaicwarts. Are still going to do your car boot today? Have you arranged to view that bungalow?

Craftyone hope you had a good day wood craving yesterday. What did you make? Hope you hear from the structural engineer tomorrow.

Franbern hope you are being to feel more like your old self. Have you managed to book the second viewing on the flat you like?

Sazzl hope your packing etc is going well and you are feeling calmer.

SueH49 hope you sorting out is going well. Have you seen anywhere you would like to buy?

The drainage engineer came here at 9 last night and put some dye down my loo and did something in the manhole . Eventually the dye appeared. He will organise a crew to dig up part of my drive and fix the problem. At least I am covered and it won't cost me anything as it would cost me thousands to have fixed. Thank goodness for Homeserve.

Hope everyone else is having a good day.

icanhandthemback Sun 22-Sep-19 11:00:23

My mother was kind enough to give my son premium bonds as a future deposit on a house. It is the same amount as she has given her other grandchildren when they have bought houses but she was worried that she would die before he needed to buy and she would have used all her money for care.
Unfortunately, he is on a very low income and could apply for help with prescriptions but with the Premium Bonds, it has made him ineligible. Of course, if he'd bought a house, he'd qualify so despite not being able to touch that money, he will lose out. He has a congenital medical problem that needs several prescriptions during a year.
Of course, in the long run he will be in a better position than most and it seems ungrateful to complain but it would have been better to put the money in Trust.

Whiff Sun 22-Sep-19 11:44:20

icanhandthemback sorry to hear your mom's gift has caused that to happen for your son. It's unfair that your son can't get help with prescription charges as he needs the medication and by the sound of it for the rest of he's life. Why is it some people get everything for free and others can't who need the help just as much.

My roofer came on Friday. The chimney pot had a large crack all the way through and 2 courses of bricks were lose. That was all replaced and a flange put on ,the chimney was repointed and a cowl was put on. They stuck down the lose upvc edging tiles on the gable end. Removed all the moss and removed the satellite dish which I won't use. I asked if there was anything they spotted that needed seeing to. Frost damage on the gable end so they will fix that soon. Having all that done now means I haven't got to worry about it for 20+ yrs.

craftyone Sun 22-Sep-19 14:00:04

I do like your forward planning whiff and your can do attitude

Ican, don`t take this the wrong way please but I have always been of the opinion that the gbp should not have to pay out for anyone with enough savings to get by. I have no qualms whatsoever about loading the grandchildren with premium bonds and in fact I hope it encourages the other (well off) grandparents to do the same. I am forward planning too, in 7 years this amount of money as a gift is discarded by the revenue

I never had a silver spoon, I grew up very poor but worked hard all my life, made everything as did my husband. Think Liverpool bombsites and slumland. I always knew how to stretch my money and now I have some, enough to be comfortable through my old age. I am still not extravagent as in holidays and fast cars or a big house and it is time to take some weight off my children via their children. One of the reasons for not giving it direct to AC is that I have 3 and only 2 have children, so direct to the dgc is better

Anyway, I have spoken to a new party wall surveyor and he is acting for us, very limited really, no point worrying. I have done what I can do, sent a registered letter and proof to building control, so I now have a printed paper trail, just in case anything affects the structure here. So frustrating, not being able to speak to anyone in building control but I have done my best. Nevertheless, I am still not getting to sleep fast enough, much tossing and turning

If we had continental standards and security re renting then I am sure we would all be better off mentally. My relatives renting in holland all have beautiful apartments

Whiff Sun 22-Sep-19 17:24:57

Like you Craftyone I wasn't brought up with money so have been careful with it. My parents brought their own house, dad had a car and our holidays were in a caravan. But we had what we needed love, attention, parents who talked to us and listened to what we had to say. And feeling safe. As I have said to my kids their won't be a lot of cash when I die but they will have a property to sell. Christmas this year will be cut back of the adults but my grandsons will have what I usually spent on them. I buy them a few presents for birthdays and Christmas and give them some money for clothes.

Hope you are able to get a good night's sleep soon.

craftyone Sun 22-Sep-19 17:39:52

oh me too whiff, this going up tired and then tossing and turning for at least an hour is no good at all. If I sat downstairs I would doze off and that would be worse. Right now I have audible books and have just trained alexa to play whatever I ask her, so I can ask her to play a book for 20 minutes when I go to bed. Maybe that will do it, plus the fact that I am spinning right now. The rhythm helps quieten my mind

I am pondering bedsheets and how to make my room with small windows look lighter. My sheets are darker than sky blue, I think I will pass them to dd for the dgc. I am going to try cream and yes I know my brown furniture does not help either but the 2 chests are very useful. 2 large single beds in there so the blue must be sucking up a deal of light. The room is not big, I only have just enough room and the 2 chests seem to balance the room, I am not getting new fitted furniture, not worth the money in there

We were so poor whiff,me the oldest of 7 and a girl, I had to do loads of work. I could sew a skirt at 9 and cook a meal for 9 people in a pressure cooker at 10 years old. The amazing thing is that we all got good jobs and had good marriages, one sister has died and everyone had just one spouse and they are all happy. I think it was down to pulling together when we were young.

mosaicwarts Sun 22-Sep-19 18:16:58

You've all been having a good chat whilst I've been away!

Did the car boot a scary drive away and I managed OK, very pleasant, cheeky offers made my blood boil but I kept smiling. My daughter made £46.00 towards her train fares to her 10 week free writing course every Saturday. She was chosen out of hundreds of people, only 50 got in.

Brakes feel funny on the car now, taking my daughter to the gym so will give them a few 'emergency stop' tests on the quiet side roads. Hope the car boot stuff doesn't go through the windscreen, I'm too tired to bring it all upstairs.

I was poor as a child because my Dad was so mean and kept all the money for himself, he didn't give my Mum enough housekeeping. I seem to remember eating a lot of enormous jacket potatoes with butter for tea, and remember the humiliation of having to wear my Mum's friend's coat. It had been shortened so the last button was right on the hem, it was so obvious. All my clothese came from the catalogue, I went mad when I started work and could buy clothes from shops! I found out after my Mum died, from her sister, that he only gave her £10 for Christmas for our presents and the turkey and trimmings. No wonder the atmosphere was so awful at Christmas in our house.And shame on me for being upset one Christmas to find the heated rollers I'd been given were second hand - the guarantee was out of date. She did the best she could with what she had, I am sorry I didn't appreciate that when she was here.

Off to the gym now, have a nice evening, I do miss having a good 9 pm programme to look forward to!

craftyone Sun 22-Sep-19 19:01:42

gym!! mosaics what do you do at the gym?

Our upbringings made us and there is never any point in looking back, I think we all wish we had done some things differently but it was our fate to end up as we are

I took the blue bedding off and already the room looks different. I also put masking tape on a little light on a radio player and another on an air filter. I like the air filter hum all night and the wafting fresher air but it had a permanent blue light that was waking me, so I kept the thing off

The furniture does not look bad at all, same colour of oak as the door, not a dreadful dark brown. I am almost ready to do the autumn mattress tossing over and get rid of a few things to the charity shop but I am now tired and don`t want to get over tired. I`ll be looking to going to bed in 2 1/2 hours and hopefully alexa will play a book

Do you know if you come down in the pitch dark, there are an awful lot of little lights on, the ovens, fridge, tv etc. What a waste of money. I crept down a couple of times and made chamomile tea and had a little oatcake, then I do get back to sleep

SueH49 Mon 23-Sep-19 06:59:33

Hello Whiff, my clearing out is not going as well as I had hoped. Although heaps of books have made their way from the selves into boxes they are still sitting on the floor waiting to be taken to the Op Shop. I also have the spare double bed covered with "stuff" to go as well.

Unfortunately the prospective sale has fallen through. We were not happy with one of the conditions the buyer wanted as it would have been an extra expense to us and we believed it was their responsibility. After 10 days of going around in circles and neither the EA or buyer listening to what we were saying we said "enough is enough" and withdrew from the sale. We are meeting with a new EA this afternoon who is adamant that he can do better .......aren't they all! He has been begging us to give him 2 weeks to sell the property. We are calling bull***t on it but will give him the opportunity to prove us wrong.

As it is only 3 weeks now until I have my hip replacement he will have to get his skates on.

We would like t stay in the same area but not much on the market, hopefully with the better weather coming we will see more places for sale.

It never rains but pours, my 97 year old Mum collapsed and broke her leg last week near her replaced knee and is now in hospital. Surgery is really not an option due to her age and she has osteoporosis, she is also anaemic. We are still trying to get information from the hospital/doctors as to how they are doing to treat it.

Hoping everyone is getting good things happening with their selling/buying and re organizing.

Whiff Mon 23-Sep-19 07:24:25

SueH49 hope you find a buyer soon as you have a lot to worry about at moment. Sorry to hear about your mom. Hope the doctors can help her in some way.

Craftyone hope you had a better night and you don't have any news today that would add to your worries . I have light coloured bedding with my pine furniture which is a light caramel colour. The only new furniture I will need to buy for here is a double bed for the spare bedroom. Decided that I am getting rid of the extra 2 bedside cabinets and 2 extra dinner chairs as I haven't got room for them . Don't want to look cluttered.

Hope everyone has a good day.

mosaicwarts Mon 23-Sep-19 09:01:27

So sorry to see you had an unreasonable buyer SueH49, wishing you a nice buyer quickly, selling is such a strain. Best wishes to your Mum, how very painful for her, I hope they can help her without causing her too much distress. Hugs to you and your family dealing with so much at the moment.

Your remarks about the 'lights' reminded me of the night I thought someone was outside with a cigarette craftyone - it was the freezer light reflected in the window! There are lots of lights from appliances that we have to keep on.

I am pleased to read your home improvements. My late Mum allowed her surroundings to really deteriorate and it saddened me. I occasionally watch 'in the ambulance' and some older people live in dreadful conditions. I'm pleased I persuaded my elderly aunt to get a single bed, she just couldn't manage to change a double on her own.

I feel almost embarrassed to message the garage about my brakes as my daughter thinks it's my imagination, but they don't feel right to me and I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Have a good day everyone, I hope to get some sort of update on my buyer this week. No news from the EA regarding viewing the bungalow.

craftyone Mon 23-Sep-19 14:17:28

I did some jobs this morning and had a power nap, tossed the heavy mattress and put cozee home bedding on a summer weight wool duvet, so will have a very snuggly bed tonight. I did have a better sleep but when I was too cool. I am like a lighted match, phosphorus in homeopathic remedies and suddenly I go out and need to rest and recover. It happens from time to time, so I just do minimum for two days. I know it is the build up of all the work I have been doing plus the stress

Upside to doing all the work was that it was very easy to toss the heavy mattress over, so I am stronger and while at it, I removed all the rest of the bindings and tape from moving, when I hitched the valances up and over. I prepped two duvets and 4 pillows, so I just alternate when washing, in order to keep the colours identical

Now about to watch a film called cradle swapping

craftyone Mon 23-Sep-19 14:22:09

SueH, you did well to cut that time waster away, I hope he gets his karma one day

Mosaics we all have intuition and women are especially in tune if we allow it, take notice and wd on getting in touch re the brakes

midgey Mon 23-Sep-19 16:31:23

SueH have you thought of selling your books? There are several on line companies, if you have a smart phone it’s a doddle! ( Postage is free)

Whiff Mon 23-Sep-19 17:19:48

Had a phone call this morning from the sub contractors who Homeserve had engaged to repair my collapsed pipe. Said they would be here at 11 they arrived on the dot. All the men who came were lovely and worked like Trojans on my behalf. They finished the job and left just after 4. They had to dig up part of my drive and replaced the pipe. They did a good job repairing the drive. Thank goodness I have Homeserve .

craftyone Tue 24-Sep-19 08:46:06

whiff, you must be so grateful for the day you subscribed to homeserve. The first house I looked at, she had homeserve, said it was a godsend in the winter, she had an old boiler

mosaics, how long is it since you had that sale thingie, when the EA gave solicitor names etc? Have you had the fixtures and fittings form? I put several extras on that form, I did not want the hassle of shifting them, like massive plants in massive pots (pot bound anyway). It covered me anyway, able to leave them with a good conscience

One last tax hurdle must be done this morning. I have gathered all the papers so I know it will be easy but it still remains a job that I keep putting off. I have one thing that I need to do via the accountant, I kept my husbands accountant and he does take a weight off my shoulders. I will make a tick list on the computer after this session and as soon as interest amounts come in I will enter on a list

I know I am dallying on this grim dark morning, drinking coffee now but did some bedroom sorting earlier. I have a spare key for dd at last, also buried one within easy access for me and have told dd, my executor where I keep my paperwork. I need to go through all that yet again but at least there are no legal constraints, it is just to make it easier for her. Called `dying tidy`. I think I will put some cash in an envelope in there, to help pay her expenses as she would have considerable work compared to the other 2 AC, one lives too far away and the other is not very easy to get hold of, would make it too hard to have 3 executors

mosaicwarts Tue 24-Sep-19 08:53:10

Hello all, a misty autumn morning here, plus the feeling it's going to be torrential rain.

Glad your toilet is sorted out Whiff, I'll get the Homeserve protection when I move hopefully, as we have a septic tank I've never had it here.

I'm feeling very odd today, the uncertainty of all this is really getting to me. I rang the EA yesterday and the person dealing with it was on the phone. Apparently she has received a lot of paperwork. She didn't ring me back, I have to assume no news is good news and keep decluttering. I've not received a rented flat I'd consider yet, so perhaps for the good. The storage company came again to have another look, the piano is a big problem.

I won't be buying locally. I am very confused, and it was just because it was easy and I know the area. I am not happy here and do need to be brave and make a fresh start somewhere new. It's all so daunting, one of the things that makes me nervous about moving is tackling unknown roads. I know all the avoidance routes here. I used to live in Chiswick and drive over the scariest flyover as a kid, could never do it now.

I've got a box of books to take to our second hand book shop today, second largest in Europe - we get credit for them. As I'll be renting locally it'll be nice to have some money to spend in there. After that I must pack my summer clothes so they can go into storage, and list some things on ebay.

I asked my grass cutting people to come fortnightly yesterday, thank heavens I found them, the drive is weed free now and I can sweep the leaves easily. All of a sudden the driveway sycamores are losing them. I'll leave the garden tree leaves to be taken down on the lawn by the worms, we've got two limes, a beech, elm, rowan and up the top another sycamore, a huge pine and christmas trees from Christmases past. I always wanted a silver birch, never got round to it.

Have a good day whatever you are doing. Bake off tonight!

mosaicwarts Tue 24-Sep-19 09:06:08

We must have been writing at the same time craftyone! I haven't had anything yet, just an email from the EA saying that when solicitors details are received from both parties a Memorandum of Sale will be sent. It's three weeks today since I accepted his offer. He does work full time, and travels a lot, and also didn't realise he'd have to 'prove his funds', apparently. Will have to wait and see. I do regret not answering his last text where he said he was very pleased we had agreed a price, but he did say in the text he assumed all future correspondence would be through the EA. I hope he accepted my silence as confirmation of that.

Your reference to the tax man gave me the shivers, when I had the rental I had an accountant for my 'self assessment'. I could never understand it all and put great trust in him. It was his mother's dog that went missing recently when he was walking him, I'm so glad he was found. I haven't got a POA yet, my solicitor did offer it when I changed my will. I haven't heard from my 'stepson' at all since last November when I sent him a photo of Steve's new gravestone, I wonder if I will when the house sells wink