Gransnet forums

House and home

House hunting pain

(20 Posts)
DenAde Sat 01-Aug-20 06:35:22

Hi. I'm new to the site but decided to join whilst I hunted for someone out their they may understand how I feel right now. Sometimes just writing about and sharing anguish helps.sad
My hubby and I decided this would be the year moved home. Our dream was to find that special place where we could spend our highlight years.
Our plans were delayed due to the on going horrors of the pandemic but as soon as lockdown was lifted we decided to plough on with the promise we had made to ourselves.
We found a buyer within days. Wonderful. It felt as if we really had made the right decision and our hopes might not be in vein.
After just three weeks we found our dream home. The location was perfect. The house was the right size and lay out. We fell in love instantly.
Having been through one bidding war a week earlier we jumped in with an offer of the full asking price. The vendor, during viewing, had voiced the fact that he would need time to find just the right house to move onto. He had been ill and needed to move as the garden had become a chore rather than a jou.
We agreed that we were more than happy to wait for him to make his choice, even move into rental if necessary.
All appeared to be going well when they said yes to our offer.
When we heard Wednesday evening that he had had found somewhere and his offer had been accepted we were over the moon.
Thursday morning we heard he had changed his mind. They had decided not to move at all. They couldn't find anything that compared to their existing home.
The agent told me that they had seemed excited themselves just 24 hours earlier and was surprised at the sudden U-turn.
We are devastated. I've cried buckets and feel so depressed.
Friends and family repeat " you'll find something else" but that doesn't help. In fact it has the opposite effect despite the sentiment behind it.
I know I'll just compare everything we now see to that one house. It was a gem of a location, at a price we could afford, everything we had dreamed of.
We had offered him plenty of time to find what he was looking for but after just week he'd given up of finding what he was looking for.
I can't get past the fact we have lost it. Even more I can't get past the fact that someone can market their home without commiting to the idea. If you aren't sure that you want or need to move, why advertise it? It's cruel. It's heartless and selfish. Research the market if you need to...go out there and see what's available before you make your decision. I just don't get that someone can be so inconsiderate. Moving is a big decision. It should be thoroughly thought through before the decision is made.
I'm gutted.
I'm sorry. To some of you it will seem like I'm expecting too much, being over emotional. But I can't help how I feel.
Thank you for reading. Like I say. It kinda helps to share.

Spice101 Sat 01-Aug-20 06:50:54

I feel for you DenAde. It seems this type of thing happens frequently.
I'm in Australia and our system is much different to yours but we are far less likely to encounter this. If an offer is accepted here it is usually on condition of finance being approved or of the satisfactory inspection by a building and pest professional. Mostly there is a time frame of 7-10 days for this approval at which time the contract becomes binding. The settlement date is also locked into the contract at the time of signing. This means everyone knows what the timeline is. A deposit is paid - usually 10% of the purchase price and if the buyer pulls out of the contract at any time they loose their deposit. If the property is sold at auction there is no cooling off period and the contract is binding.

The system is not perfect but it seems a better one to me that yours is.

We sold our house in October last year and had hoped to be in our new home by now but the market is so dead that we are stuck in a rental at this stage and with our COVID19 cases increasing in Melbourne looks like we will be here for a while.

Keep looking I know how it feel to hear the" you'll find something else" comment but it is true.

Good luck.

DenAde Sat 01-Aug-20 07:01:20

Thank you Spice 101.
The system in the UK is far from what it should be. It leaves the process open to selfish abuse.
I agree that some kind of financial agreement or penalty should be slotted into the house purchase journey. It would prompt potential sellers/buyers to be sure of their decision before they leap into the market.
Take care and stay safe.

craftyone Sat 01-Aug-20 07:08:40

you need to try and be emotionally detached when buying a home, that important needs and location list, the tick list, that should be the reason to be buying a home, not the emotion. The gut feeling is way overplayed on tv programmes and as you are now finding, it can lead to heartbreak. You developed an emotional attachment very quickly, even before surveys were comissioned

You have a buyer, make your next plans, be very practical, it will help you get over the purchase that was not meant to be. Nest step is not to lose your buyer so skip the rushing to buy and get into rented while you look, otherwise there is stress at both ends.

Come and join us on the buying selling thread, we are very supportive of each other

Calendargirl Sat 01-Aug-20 07:43:48

I can well imagine how disappointed you are feeling right now. It’s not much help I know, but please, do try and see it for what it is. That house was not meant for you, another one will come along and it will be the right one.

Easy for me to say, but I honestly believe that with something like this, it’s for a reason, and you will eventually be glad that this happened.

Oopsadaisy3 Sat 01-Aug-20 07:55:30

I believe in fate, if you were meant to get it you would have, anyway the survey might have thrown up all sorts of problems, a good reason not to get emotionally attached to a property until you have at least done the groundwork, it’s never yours until you have the keys in your hand.
I’m sure the seller had a good reason to pull out, maybe after doing his sums he realised it wasn’t worth the hassle, especially if he has been ill.
I think the ‘ I can’t do the garden’ excuse to sell a house is a bit of a bad idea, plenty of people who will do the gardening for you, still cheaper than moving,

So, get your iPad out and keep looking, there will be the right house for you out there, Good luck.

Billybob4491 Sat 01-Aug-20 08:45:33

Sorry to hear your news, a house is just a house, a home is what you make it, so widen your horizons, today is a new day, go forward with confidence and put it all down to experience. \i speak of someone who has just moved post pandemic! so am aware of the fragile housing market.

Franbern Sat 01-Aug-20 08:54:24

DenAde, I can empathise with how you feel, However, do not let it get you down. You have a buyer, hopefully that can proceed -so half the job can be got on with.

You will, despite how you feel, find other properties which you will also fall in love with. When I was moving last year, the flat I finally came to was THE THIRD I offered for. I withdrew from both the previous two, as with time, I saw more of the problems with them. The one I moved into I had seen earlier in my search and had dismissed it just on one point.
I could not be happier here, absolutely the perfect choice for me, so pleased I did not proceed with the previous two.
House sale/purchase is such very big thing in our lives. Does need time to sort out properly.
Put that other house out of your mind, as much as possible, You are now in such a strong position as your home is under offer - go and have a good look at many homes in your desired area.
It is all very emotional. Have your tears, dry them up, dust yourself down and get going.

Ellianne Sat 01-Aug-20 08:55:48

This happens sometimes, you just have to take a deep breath and move on (literally). Learn to be philosophical and as others have said, tell yourself that house probably wasn't for you anyway. I'd be grateful it happened now and not weeks down the line. Selling a buying a property is a very bumpy road requiring nerves of steel. I can tell you it gets more and more stressful as the process goes on. Good luck.

Luckygirl Sat 01-Aug-20 09:04:46

It is indeed a pain - I am in the middle of all this at present.

There is one house that I want - it is in exactly the right place right by all my friends and lovely flat walks for this limpy person.

Buyer 1 - Offer made on my bungalow here after a few days - then lockdown etc. meant that the buyers withdrew.

Buyer 2 - Next offer was from local people who wanted a bungalow and put their cottage on the market for the puroposes of buying mine. But, once theirs was on the market, they got sentimental about it and could not bear to sell it.

Buyer 3 - current - I hope! In order to achieve this I have had to vastly lower the price because the new-build I am buying is very popular and the boulder had people clamouring for it.

I try to let as much as possible wash by me as I wait and hope that all goes well. But I am having a good declutter as that will be a bonus whatever happens.

sodapop Sat 01-Aug-20 09:05:12

I know how you feel DenAde its very hard to get that one house out of your mind, what a disappointment. I would give house hunting a break for a little while, it's probably not the best time to be looking in any case.
It's true you will find something else maybe even better but that's no comfort at the moment. Good luck.

Luckygirl Sat 01-Aug-20 09:05:31


MerylStreep Sat 01-Aug-20 09:06:58

I understand your disappointment. I was in the same position 6 yrs ago. I fell in love with a bungalow but it wasn't meant to be mine. The one I was meant to have is the one I have now.
If I won the lottery I wouldn't move because I have the most wonderful neighbours, 2 of which are now very close friends.

Exactly the same thing happened to my next door neighbour/ friend. I knew the house she was selling, it was stunning. But buyers just kept dropping out. Why? Because the bungalow next to me was meant to be hers. Fate was just waiting for my (then) neighbours to move.
Your new home is out there waiting for you

Ellianne Sat 01-Aug-20 09:17:09

I would give house hunting a break for a little while, it's probably not the best time to be looking in any case.
I am interested as to why you say that sodapop? I would have thought there is no time like the present. The stamp duty cut means a great deal to a lot of people, and agents and solicitors are working their socks off to push sales through. (They are desperate too). It's the best time in the world.
You could say there will be a price drop in 6 months time, but by then all the best properties will have been snapped up in this fast moving game. The market will certainly stall, but who wants to spend another year or more just hanging about and waiting?

DenAde Sat 01-Aug-20 22:46:18

Thank you for all your comments and encouraging words. I will get there. In my own time and fashion. We all have our own historical burdens to carry and react differently as a a consequence. I appreciate that you cared enough to respond to my "shout out" . It's late. I won't sleep yet again. Life sucks. It is what it is...That's the way it is.
Thanks. Sharing helped.

harrigran Sat 01-Aug-20 23:05:57

I understand how you feel , it is so frustrating.
We put a property on the market at Easter last year and had an offer fairly quickly, way less than the asking price but they had finance in place. I knew they worked on the other side of the world but they were keen to have a base in the UK.
They dithered for nine months and then pulled out a few days before signing the contract.
The estate agent had someone keen to add to his rental properties and came to us with the same offer and everything was moving nicely then lockdown happened.
I thought we were going to lose that sale too but he hung on and it went ahead. It was difficult to get the furniture moved as removals men were not working but we found someone who was prepared to do the job.
Stay positive, the perfect property is out there somewhere.

rosecarmel Sun 02-Aug-20 03:26:46

DenAde, I understand your dilemma and disappointment-

Anyone hunting for a house right now, during a pandemic, and is working with a fixed amount, will encounter challenges-

I'm in a similar boat: Outbid/disappointed-

Many people are buying with cash, sky the limit- The houses move fast, under contract even before I can put in an offer, or find out offers have quickly exceeded my limit-

The inventory is dwindling- (US)

After a good cry, chin up! And get back out there!

Willow500 Sun 02-Aug-20 07:04:10

I can well understand your disappointment at losing the property that you'd set your hearts on but as everyone has said it was probably meant to be and something better will be just round the corner. The fact that you've found a buyer puts you in a much stronger position. My son and DIL have just lost the house they'd put an offer on in NZ and lost $3k in the process so my DIL is also very upset but my son is of the opinion it wasn't for them.

We are just about to put our house on the market tomorrow after 34 years here but are in the fortunate position of already having a bungalow where we want to move to so can move out straight away. 6 years ago though we did have it up for sale and like your vendors couldn't find anywhere suitable so took it off the market again although back then we didn't have a buyer.

Keep looking and I'm sure the really perfect perfect place is just waiting for you to find it.

Shandy57 Sun 02-Aug-20 12:31:54

My friend in London is having difficulty finding somewhere she likes, but it is very important she moves for her happiness, she's had the most dreadful year. She is looking within a two hour drive of an area as she intends having her step grandaughter once a month, and will have to collect her. Best wishes to all going through this house hunting malarky.

I must say I am very disappointed at the listings on RightMove, so many have poor photographs and very sketchy details.

Grammaretto Sun 02-Aug-20 13:01:51

What a shame your dream house wasn't to be. That happened to us once so I do understand. I couldn't put my heart into anything else (it is akin to being dumped!)
In the end, as we had to move, we used our heads (as craftyone says) and found a house which ticked all the boxes and we bought it unseen, apart from in pictures.
We lived very happily there for 5 years and when the time was right we began house-hunting again and found our forever home.
I drive past that house sometimes and wonder what life would have been like and I now realise that it wasn't for us. It was too rural, and had many other disadvantages which we were overlooking first time around. Love is blind!
I hope you find something else too.