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House and home

Moving in with daughter and son in law

(20 Posts)
Libby65 Sun 09-May-21 16:24:43

I'm thinking of selling my home and moving in with my daughter and son in law. They have large house and garden, no family. I would be living in extension built for me good idea? Bad idea?

Libby65 Sun 09-May-21 16:27:40

Is it a good idea to be so close. We do get on well and I would have my own space

Redhead56 Sun 09-May-21 16:31:02

I think it’s nice that you get on so well go for it you will have your own space by the sound of it. You can all get together for social occasions it’s sounds a good idea.

timetogo2016 Sun 09-May-21 16:36:59

I adore my family,but a little distance is crucial for a good relationship.

Hithere Sun 09-May-21 16:37:22

It depends how you get along, house rules you all agree to follow, where your life paths take you....

What if they move? What would you do?

Willow500 Sun 09-May-21 16:37:28

If you have your own self contained annex then yes it's a great idea providing you get on well with your SIL and they don't think about moving house. My parents moved a few doors away from us and we were on hand as carers when things got difficult for them. Our neighbours also moved away to live in a converted annex with their son many years ago and that worked out very well for them too.

geekesse Sun 09-May-21 16:39:35

Bad idea. You become their tenant - it changes the family dynamic. You become their dependent - it diminishes your status in the family. You live in their house - you lose the autonomy to make your own decisions about your own home. They may chose to move in the future and you either have to find a new home locally or move with them to somewhere you would not choose to live.

Even the advantages come with a price tag. Sure, you see more of them and your grandchildren. But you become free, available child-care. Also, do you and they really want to see that much of each other without escape?

They are available to look after you if you become frailer. But they might resent the expectation that they will care for you, and this could sour your relationship with them.

Oopsadaisy1 Sun 09-May-21 16:43:23

Is the sale of your house going to them?

What happens if they divorce and have to sell?

If your own part is able to be totally separated from their property if they end up moving and you can get your funds out if necessary, then it’s worth thinking about, especially if you can drive and get out and about and aren’t dependent on them for your social life.

Shelflife Sun 09-May-21 16:56:56

Think very carefully indeed.

Hithere Sun 09-May-21 16:59:35

What would happen if the arrangement doesnt work? Would you move out?

What if any of you 3 need medical care ?

So many questions

Jaxjacky Sun 09-May-21 17:02:47

I personally wouldn’t do it, it would make me think twice about some things I like to do. At the moment I can turn up the music loud, eat at odd times, not hoover for a couple of days etc. Although I don’t live on my own, I’d still want to do my own thing, so not for me. The fact you’re asking on here means it’s not sitting totally comfortably with you.

Niobe Sun 09-May-21 17:10:29

Not a good idea in my opinion. We have had son and DiL living/visiting with us for extended periods eg while new house being done up and it was lovely to get the house back when they moved back. We moved 400 miles to be nearer them as we were getting older and now live 2 miles away. Perfect!!

Kali2 Sun 09-May-21 17:13:03

You need to think it through- Person I would not because it can't turn very sour. Someone I know sold her house and gave money to daughter to put towards larger house- and she moved in. Sadly daughter died of the dreaded C a few years later. SIL remaried and the new wife insisted she leaves and she ended up with nothing.

Sarnia Sun 09-May-21 17:18:25

I live with my youngest daughter, son-in-law and 2 grand-daughters. I have my own bedroom, bathroom and sitting room. My life isn't governed by what they do and vice versa. After they got married they lived in my house whilst they saved for a deposit. We knew it would work for us as we had lived this way for 10 years; 3 before their marriage and 7 years afterwards. The estate agent told us he is seeing more generational living these days. However, it wouldn't work for everyone.

Kali2 Sun 09-May-21 17:21:10

Are you protected from a situation as above?

BlueBelle Sun 09-May-21 17:31:24

I wouldn’t because I don’t think it’s fair on young couples to have the burden of looking after a parent if you became incapacitated and for me personally I like my freedom although I love my children immensely I wouldn’t want to live with any of them and I doubt they d want to live with me
I only know one person who does and I think it’s been fine but her daughter now has a partner so daughter and granddaughter will be moving out soon

Libby65 Mon 10-May-21 11:51:26

Thanks to all of you who came in on debate. It is a big move but I know, we, as a family feel it's right for us.

Septimia Mon 10-May-21 11:57:32

We lived next door to my parents - purely by chance - when we were first married. We soon learned that we could cope with the close proximity.

Later we all moved into one house but with our own areas and separate kitchens. It worked fine for us, not always perfect but quite OK. It also meant that we or they could go away and there would be someone on the spot to look after the house and cat.

If you know you can get on, go for it.

EllanVannin Mon 10-May-21 12:15:03

I don't see a problem with your own annexe and providing you continue to live independently, meals, washing etc. it should work. I don't know if there would have to be any legalities surrounding living in a separate entity sharing the same address etc. You'd have to look into that.

Of course the only problem would be if your family moved although they wouldn't leave you destitute there could be the chance that you wouldn't wish to go along to the area in which they moved to.

maydonoz Mon 10-May-21 19:46:25

It sounds like a great idea particularly if you're confident that you will get along together. As someone said, it seems to be becoming very popular and practical these days, and in later years if you need help, it could save you moving into care.
Would it be possible to have a trial period before you make any definite decision and selling your own property?

I'm sure there would need to be certain legal conditions in place so that your situation would be secure.
Good luck with whatever you decide, please let us know, but I feel you will make the move.