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House and home

Leaving

(61 Posts)
Bluefox Tue 18-Jan-22 00:20:46

We’ve just exchanged contacts on our home in which we’ve lived for nearly 28 years.
We have good reasons to leave but we’re both struggling with the prospect of leaving the home in which we bought up our children.
If you’ve done this move please share your positive experiences with me.
Thank you.

Hetty58 Tue 18-Jan-22 00:25:45

It's done - so now you should be looking forward to your next place. It'll be exciting and refreshing to move there and get it just how you want it. There's no point in looking back - as you're not going that way!

Bluefox Tue 18-Jan-22 00:51:46

Hetty58

It's done - so now you should be looking forward to your next place. It'll be exciting and refreshing to move there and get it just how you want it. There's no point in looking back - as you're not going that way!

Thank you. I’m good, my darling husband is really struggling. I feel I’ve run out of ways to try to help him.
You’ve responded to me previously, I so appreciate you being helpful. Xx

Hetty58 Tue 18-Jan-22 01:12:14

Maybe he's very attached to the place - or just worried about change and the future (aren't we all). Perhaps he needs to 'make believe' that he's having a holiday.

When I was suddenly whisked off to hospital, I was scared, so pretended it was just a little outing, to make light of it. I wrote down all my feelings and observations in a notebook (just writing distracts and calms me). My suspected heart attack, gripping pains in my arm, turned out to be just nerve reactions from a back injury!

BBbevan Tue 18-Jan-22 05:12:19

Yes we did that. Lived in the family home for over 40 years then moved over 250miles away to be near DD. New area we didn't, know and new neighbours etc. First few weeks were a little difficult as we got our bearings but really it has been the best thing we have ever done. Lovely area and wonderfully neighbours. So glad we were brave and did it. So I hope all goes well for you. 🍀

karmalady Tue 18-Jan-22 05:28:07

Bluefox flowers

It is a combination of things. The unknown is one, leaving something familiar so try and turn it into an adventure

The house itself, it needs to release you and you need to say goodbye. It will happen, start packing now, it takes a lot of time and effort and bit by bit, those bonds will break. You might not realise it but that process has already started

Give your husband one small definite job at a time, packing ornaments would be good, get him to seal the box and label it and store it in a definite room. Keep him busy but only one task at a time, so it gets completed fairly quickly

Also plan ahead, task him with making scale drawings of the rooms in the new home and then you can both work out what is going where. Thinking ahead like this will help him to focus ahead and not behind

BigBertha1 Tue 18-Jan-22 06:27:56

Bluefox we moved from a town we loved and hobbies we were both very involved in after 10 years and it was a wrench but we love our new larger house and are enjoying this new adventure seeing much more of our daughter. I wish you good luck, New friends and new adventures.

SuzieHi Tue 18-Jan-22 09:16:00

You had reasons to want to move- remember them. Take a few photos of your home & garden & rooms before you pack up. Helps with the nice memories! We moved 5 years ago- have never regretted it. An exciting time! You don’t lose your old friends if you make efforts to keep in touch. Also will find new friends and hobbies in the new place- if you’re inclined. Look on it as a new adventure! Good luck

Franbern Tue 18-Jan-22 09:17:30

I did that back in 2003. Went from the large, Edwardian family house to a 1930 terrace.

Bricks and mortar do not really contain our memories. They move with us - as do the photograph albums which aid those memories.

Perhaps taking with a couple of special plants from the old garden to continue in the new.

I think my AC (all in their own homes at that time), found my move harder than I did. Obviously, all of them their only memories had been of that house - and they all took their children over the years round to see the outside of that house. As far as I was concerned - well I could remember some of the bad as well as the good times, and was enthusiastic about starting the next phase of my life. My move, that time was less than a mile away. But 16 years later I made my last move and downsizing to a flat 150 miles away.

Again memories come with me - and again, an exciting new phase of my life - am enjoying it immensely
'
I do think that it is normal when reaching that final stage of home moving, to have several minor panic attacks as to whether or not you are doing the right thing. I know I did, on both occasions. Deep breath and write down all the postives. Good Luck

JaneJudge Tue 18-Jan-22 09:23:35

It is understandable you feel emotional about this. Just be kind to yourself flowers this is a new chapter in your life, so let yourself feel how you feel and then move on and enjoy making a new home smile

maytime2 Tue 18-Jan-22 09:23:58

I moved after living in the same house for 50 years albeit to another part of the same town, my home town. So this was not too difficult for me as I moved because I wanted to, the area that I moved from had gone down a great deal, lot of rented accommodation became available as elderly neighbours/householders died.
The house held good and bad memories for me but the hardest part I found was getting rid of things that had been gifted to me by people who were no longer here. No-one keeps bone china tea-sets for best any longer, or cut glass trifle bowls etc.
This house I now live in is 7 years old. I did not realise at the time how important it would be for a house to be well insulated, but with the increasing fuel bills I am glad. Also, although I loved my garden, I found that anything more than 15 minutes gardening left my back in bits. In this house, the garden is small and I keep a few pots of flowers to enjoy.
What I'm trying to say is that there must be advantages to the move to your new house, try to get your husband to think what was getting him down in your previous house.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 18-Jan-22 09:49:21

You have perhaps decided to move in order to downsize. We did that six years ago - the old house was just too big for us and I dread to think what the heating bills will be now! It meant getting rid of a lot of furniture and other things which had sentimental value. We moved to a completely different area and it felt like being on holiday. I dreaded leaving our old house but it was the right thing to do. This one is much easier to maintain and my husband no longer has three acres of grass to cut! You will always remember your old house fondly but this is a new and exciting chapter in your lives. Carpe diem!

Pammie1 Tue 18-Jan-22 10:01:29

We lived in our first home for 24 years and it was a real wrench to move. Mum lived a few hours drive away from us and had had some serious health issues. We decided to pool our resources and buy a bigger house so we could all be together. I cried buckets the day we left and was homesick for weeks. It worked out OK though OP. It takes time to settle, but once you have your possessions round you in your new place, it won’t be long before it starts to feel like home. Good luck.

J52 Tue 18-Jan-22 10:37:45

We did this after 30 years and were in a house far too big for our need. We were happy to leave in the knowledge that our DCs had their own homes and we’re making memories with their families.
We had a family lunch before the packers came and the DCs said goodbye to their childhood home.
We weren’t moving far, and in fact hadn’t found our downsized house, we treated the in between time as a lovely holiday as all our stuff was in storage. Quite liberating really. It all worked out well in the end. Good luck, and I’m sure you’ll soon be making your new home cosy.

Whiff Tue 18-Jan-22 13:39:18

Bluefox as soon as I put my house on the market I detached myself from my home . Once I found my new home couldn't wait to move. Unfortunately it wasn't straight forward as had 2 buyers pull out on me at the last minute. The house was to big for me and became a mill stone round my neck.

I was glad to leave my home of 34 years. I looked forward to a new life in my bungalow . Memories you take with you. Don't look back but to a new exciting future in your new home. A house is only bricks and mortar. It's people who make it a home.

Be glad you have exchanged as your buyer can't pull out .

You still have a lot of exciting things to look forward. Making your new home is fun. And new people to met .I now life my life to the full in my old house I existed not anymore.

Be happy in your new home. 💐

grandMattie Tue 18-Jan-22 13:43:24

We left our house of over 30 years, 9 years ago. We felt it was too big and too isolated.
I cried buckets but knew, rationally, that we needed to. It has been a great success. We love the house, the small garden, and crucially, the access to buses, shops, trains etc., that this small town affords us.
Good luck!

Nannarose Tue 18-Jan-22 16:13:30

I may have said this before, but here goes:
My dear MiL left her home of 40 years gratefully - she said 'I always hated that house'. There were complex reasons that she & FiL were there in the first place, and then felt they had to stay. But it made me so sad to hear that. She loved the modern bungalow where they made their home for the last 15 years of her life.
So when we left our home (also 28 years) I cried, from the emotion of it all, knowing that I had lived in a wonderful home and had so many happy memories.
I took all of the good ideas that I could into our new home, to make it a happy place for the new phase in our lives.
This point in the change is the time to let yourself cry and be sad, and then make your new home a place to be comfortable and happy.

62Granny Tue 18-Jan-22 16:31:55

We moved from our home of 39 years 4 years ago, due to my husband's ill health , it has been the best thing we ever did . It was a very stressful time as we downsized but I can honesty say we don't regret it.

Rosina Wed 19-Jan-22 10:42:11

We moved from our home at a time when it was much wiser to buy larger than try to extend our small terrace, and we were desperate for space. I thought my heart would break as our children were born there, it was our first home, and I loved everything about it. To my surprise I didn't think about it at all in the following years - as other posters have said, you have a new home to put your own stamp on, and everything that matters comes with you! Good luck - I wish you every happiness, and feel sure it won't be as heart wrenching as you fear once it happens. xx

Lynn1959 Wed 19-Jan-22 10:44:29

We did same . 27 years in a house full of happy memories but time to move on.
I couldn’t be happier a new area to explore, new house to get ship shape as we like and best of all a fantastic new community of neighbours which we didn’t have before. I’ve never regretted it once( I did have a little cry driving away tho!)
Be happy in your new home😁😁

Grantanow Wed 19-Jan-22 10:55:30

Think of the move as a process, not an event.

Gutenberg Wed 19-Jan-22 11:02:40

Leaving a family home seems like a bereavement - not the bricks and mortar so much but of such an important time of life that is now, effectively, over. It's all tied up together. I think it's important to be able to talk about this. There is a danger of trying to jolly someone up when actually what they may need is to wallow in it, to grieve, to talk constantly about it with someone willing to listen, in order to get through it, to come to terms with it and to reach the other side. There is a danger of the party who is feeling most lost to feel that they cannot say what they are thinking because the other party will be fed up with them for persistently looking back. But talking is good even if it doesn't move things forward. Perhaps that conversation of 'was it the right thing to do' needs to be had over and over again, gently but firmly, and with the opportunity to mourn the loss of times past before grasping the future for all it has left to offer.

4allweknow Wed 19-Jan-22 11:05:57

You made memories in your current home mainly of raising a family by the sound of it. The memories you both have are with you they will not be left in the bricks and mortar. Your move will be the opportunity to make new memories. Lived in a house for 33 years basically the era of family's childhood. The reason for leaving far outweighed any sadness associated with the unknown elements of moving. Keep DH busy and involved in decisions about the move. Try to have a break shortly after your move so that he physically and psychologically "comes home" to the new house. Hope all goes well.

Coconut Wed 19-Jan-22 11:08:31

I too found it heart wrenching leaving my home where I’d raised my 3, however, my 2nd husband had turned it into a builders yard of half finished jobs ..... so it made it easier for me to leave it all behind and start anew. I then downsized as a single lady as all my 3 had flown the nest. I bought an attic flat in a huge Victorian house and turned it into my designer dream. Then all the GC started arriving so I upsized and bought a 3 bedroom town house overlooking a harbour, and that was filled with lovely memories of all 5 GC coming for sleepovers, beach weekends etc Then DD married and they bought a country house with a granny annexe, so I sold my house as they needed me, as they worked away etc and I moved in here. Son no: 1 lives in Kent, son no:2 lives in Jersey now ..... so I flit between the 3 and have a lovely time. My friends call me a nomad 🤣 and I even leave clothes etc at my other “homes”. So how I feel is that all my memories are in both my head and my heart, with lots of photos as backup ! I often sing Paul Young’s song to myself .... “wherever I lay my hat, that’s my home” 🤣 .... so just enjoy your next adventure and make some new memories 🌺

Pammie1 Wed 19-Jan-22 11:10:09

Gutenberg

Leaving a family home seems like a bereavement - not the bricks and mortar so much but of such an important time of life that is now, effectively, over. It's all tied up together. I think it's important to be able to talk about this. There is a danger of trying to jolly someone up when actually what they may need is to wallow in it, to grieve, to talk constantly about it with someone willing to listen, in order to get through it, to come to terms with it and to reach the other side. There is a danger of the party who is feeling most lost to feel that they cannot say what they are thinking because the other party will be fed up with them for persistently looking back. But talking is good even if it doesn't move things forward. Perhaps that conversation of 'was it the right thing to do' needs to be had over and over again, gently but firmly, and with the opportunity to mourn the loss of times past before grasping the future for all it has left to offer.

Really well put - this is exactly how we felt when moving from our first home after 24 years. I was the one with misgivings and it did help to talk about it - even in the knowledge that it was a done deal and nothing would change.