harrassment via txt msg

Check in with your local CAB ...they ought to be able to give you some free advice re-legal aspects.

However ...I would actually take the time to change my mobile number and inform those who needed to know of the change, if this was happening to me.

I realise that your daughter's ex will need a way of contacting her re their joint access of son ...is there a way that it he could only speak with her and not send all these distressing txt msg??

is she saving these messages as proof?

Mind games like this are a form of abuse and she shouldn't have to put up with it.

Hope things can soon be sorted for you both

biker a friendly local policeman will be pleased to go and have a word with him about his behaviour. They will log the information and if he responds, all well and good, but if he doesn't stop, he is at risk of being charged under the Harrassment Act, and will have to have contact arranged via a third party, not her. She can change her number and insist he writes to her about any issues pertaining to their son. His access could be affected, so he needs to weigh up his options.

She should keep all texts to show police, and maybe keep a log from now on, detailing how this is upsetting her.

That's very helpful information, when, and I'm grateful for my own reasons. bikergran you have my sympathy, I know it's very stressful when your daughter is in this situation. She can get free legal advice from a solicitor who offers that service though - it doesn't need to lead to a financial commitment. Phone around local practices - that's what we did.

Anagram my daughter has been suffering from abusive texts from her ex, who tries to sabotage arrangements for sharing the care of their boys, and will send many texts in a night, generally insulting her. She spoke to a lovely police officer, who went to visit him and the texts toned down for a few weeks, but he has started again. She has written to him asking him to attend mediation with her, and if he doesn't cooperate, the police are ready to visit again and will be telling him to accompany them to the station to be charged.

It wears a person down, and undermines their confidence - such a cowardly thing to do, too. My two sons would love to go round and have a word with him themselves, but we keep telling them that won't help, but occasionally it is soooo tempting!

bikergran, I knew that you'd get good advice from our ladies! (Sorry in advance if some of the gents were about to reply to biker)
It's nice to see you posting again, bikergran - I was wondering if you were ok?

I often get nasty emails from my expartner which I now completely ignore but they are still quite stressful. The free legal advice I had was to report him to the police. Now I have retained a solicitor and am about to take him to court to allow our property to be sold. He previously took it off the market and believes he can harass me enough to get me to sign it over so he can keep it for himself. I have a very large folder and a numerical list of each ridiculous harassing statement he has written. My solicitor said that we may use his emails in court. He has emailed so many things that prove he is a liar and a thief but he believes they can't be used because he says emails can be altered so they wouldn't be used as evidence against him. He is a fool and the biggest mistake I made in my whole life was getting involved with him. Time will pass and eventually I won't have to deal with this creep a moment longer.

Biker if I was your daughter I would be going to the police, not to court. Keep all of his messages as he can't deny he wrote them and your daughter may need them in the future!

Faye isn't it sad that so many of these men won't just end a relationship with dignity and move on? These bullying tactics could land him in serious trouble. You can present a folder of emails etc to a court and they will assess from all the evidence presented to them whether the folder's contents have some foundation in truth. The consistency of what is presented, along with what else is being claimed, will show the court who is bullying who. He could end up with a restraining order.

I was stalked by my second husband, for two years. He followed me, phoned me lots of times every night, in the middle of the night, would walk up and down my outside my house also in the early hours, leave things on my door step so I would know that he'd been, and so much more.

It was the most terrifying experience and has taken me years to recover from it. The police were fantastic and they prosecuted him, with the help of my log of evidence and several witnesses. When he saw the people supporting my claims, he just admitted it and pleaded guilty.

I'm getting shaky just thinking about it, so these poor young women have my sympathy.

nanachrissy what a horrible experience you had. It does take time to recover - that's why it's taken so seriously now, thank goodness. Keep reminding yourself it's in the past and you're safe now. It's determination from people like you that has brought these offences to the fore and so many stalking and harrassment offences are dealt with properly as soon as they are brought to the attention of the police

oh you are all so kind and thanks for taking the time to reply
(greenmoss) I have been so busy and stressed over the lasy few months and seem to have been in a dark place ...but I am now feeling a lot better and hope to be posting and going to the virtual parties again soon

I am trying to find as much info then we can be armed with the correct procedure and of course gransnet comes up trumps everytime
We have had issues with the police and txts as I said, and although they had him in for questioning he wormed his way out of it..(the police seem to need so much evidence) even though we had a photo of my daughters wedding dress hanging up in HIS!! house (he later cut it up and disposed of it) the police still!! could not prove anything so we have lost faith, but I will see if daughter can speak to the PC that was in charge, as he was! on our side but of course his hands were tied. thanks all ..have a lovely day..the sun is shining here in Lancashire this morning..ohhhhh I have misssed gransnet and will be back soooooon take care all keep smiling ! (makes people wonder what your up to)!!

Nice to hear from you biker. My first virtual Gransnet party featured you having the most hilarious time and from that moment I was hooked!

If you and your daughter struggle with the police, try the Domestic Abuse team (may be called Domestic Violence team) who can be contacted via phone and will listen to your message on answerphone, then phone you back, usually straight away, unless they're out on a call. They have more specialist knowledge - they don't answer the public phone immediately because they get subjected to a lot of abuse from angry spouses, so they monitor all calls first. They will point you in the right direction if they don't intervene themselves, and using their support will add some weight.

Oh so glad this morning that there were no mobile phones when I left my ex H.

nanachrissy I'm sure the fact that you were not prepared to be cowed by the idiot had a huge bearing on his decision to plead guilty.

bikergran lots of good advice here as usual! Your daughter must stand up to the bully. Keep everything, log everything and keep reporting. Women'sAid might be able to help too. Can visiting arrangements be made via a third party if she changes her mobile number? Keep being strong for her.

Thank you for the good advice whenim I wonder if besides his Narcissism (which he happily admits to) that there is something else wrong with him, he gets stranger. He wrote late last year and said that he had crosses on his hands where he was nailed to the cross. This was a man that appeared to be kind and normal for the first years of our relationship. Who really knows what people are like!!!
biker you were the one who started the parties with the Virtual Camper Van holiday, I think we stopped debating and just had fun then. It was one of my favourite threads. whenim you had me in stitches when you took off your dil at one of the parties, it was so funny I couldn't stop laughing.

We've had some good times, haven't we Faye?

He does sound like he has a personality disorder or a recent mental illness if he is coming out with stuff like that. I question why he needs to say things like that to you. You're well away from him, thank goodness

biker we have missed you I am sorry your DD is having problems with her ex, why is it some men find it hard to understand that a relationship has ended and move on.

Biker lots of good advice on here, especially when's advice to contact the DV unit. This bully will one day reap the consequences of his behaviour I hope.

Good evening all..thought I would pop in! DH goes to be so early these days..
I have now got my "DEN" back (was a spare bedroom, then the "model train departure lounge"!! now after a lick of paint a trip to ikea it is back to "my den" in fact once completely finished I may even have a virtual party! [smile} would have to know each other pretty well though! as only 6ft 4inch x 8ft 6inch (as I found out when erecting my ikea bed!!! ) thats another story..
DD is a bit less stressed last few days, Ex came to pick DG up from me today, I smiled politely through gritted teeth!! DD is hopefully popping into family law solicitors Mon or Tues purely to get some advice, but would rather sort it before things ever get to that stage, but sometimes the only way.
Yes once a bully always a bully.....
bfn all..

You have my sympathies, bikergran - I am in a similar position myself. My own DD had an free appointment with a solicitor yesterday, but she came back more confused than she had been before, I'm afraid! I wish I could have gone with her, but I looked after the GC while she went. Things seem to have changed since I worked in a solicitors' office - for one thing, she doesn't qualify for legal aid, despite being in a poorly-paid job with two children and no support from her OH.

Sorry, going on about me - I do hope your DD sorts things out soon. It's so draining for everyone concerned and can't be good for the children, of course.

Look forward to joining you in your Den when you eventually decide it's fit for (virtual) visitors!

biker So so glad to hear from you and you have been sorely missed at all the parties,such a shame you and your DD are having to go through this,as you know my DD had similar nearly 18mths ago after beening bullied by her X husband for years most of which she kept to herself,we suspected but you can't say anything until they tell you can you? we have been through an absolute hell of a time but now all is quiet and hopefully back to normal,my DD had the threat of her X's brother being a Policeman and he worked at our Local Station her X told her that anything she reported would not be taken seriously but after she had given in all copies of texts and e-mails to solicitor they suddenly stopped.I will admit (but never do this)to my DSs having a very quiet word with the X when no one else was present and my boys made sure they where at her home if he ever called to collect the children and they did the hand over of my DGCs,he seems to now have got the message that she is no longer frightened of him at long last.Best wishes.glamm

Anagram glammanana hello again !
Anagram yes I can sympathise with your daughter regarding the free session! without being rude the solicitors, lets face it! it is their job and they are not going to fight and give away advice freely are they ! hmm they have to pay their wages etc..and I can see where you are coming from...we can all "go to the solicitors for their free 30 mins worth of advice! cant we..but end if we need to take things any further then have to see the colour of your money so to speak., as with your daughter my DD is not entitled to lagal aid as she is in full time work, and of course legal aid if I am right does have to be paid back at some time, so I think unless you have the spare cash! then it's a case of just bobbing along until hopefully in the very near future things will become easier. My daughters X is not abusive with my GS or anything like that..ohh noo! he is cleverer than that! he just aims for DD and has his tracks covered every time! looking for the very slightest excuse to get at her,we have had dealing with the police even up to him being taken for questioning about certain things..but like I said he comes out of it smelling of roses. lets hope that we get some tranquility soon
glammanana hello thanks for msgs yes like you say DD is a clever girl with good qualifications/degree etc and would have been in her 2nd year of becoming a staff nurse had she had more support from * * * * *!!! but its all down to me all the time as we dot have a big family, I do have another older daughter(no children tried IVF no results) so resigned herself to get stuck into her work/uni/graphic design etc and to be honest has never seem interested in her nephew! apart from birthdays/christmas etc..also the "other" nana..has to be asked to have GS..she never offers to help out,
gosh!! looking back and reading my post! it sounds like we are all going to put our heads in the gas over lol...(can we stull do that these days) ...it is an old saying lol..
I am still a pretty posotive person (we have to be don't we)! lol...so lets all keep up the good work and not forget that there are plenty of "nice people and nice things out there* have a good day everyone, its fine here, the sun is just about out, and my washing is blowing merrily in the breeze, bfn take care

Oh biker - You have your own space! A real quiet corner and a virtual one on GN. That can't be beaten, can it.

Looking forward to a party in your new room, soon!

Hi Butternut oh yes...I even SLEPT!! in it last night!! and had the best sleep ever!!! I could't believe it this morning! I think maybe it was a combination of NOT listening to DH breathing (or checking to see if! he is still breathing) you know! when they take them long long pauses between breaths!! this morning he said "oh I didnt sleep very well last night because I knew you! wernt in bed! lol...... tuff I said cos I won't be there tonight either lol....ohhhhhhhh arnt I awful but it ws heaven..

That's brilliant !! Next you'll be moving in a little kettle, mini fridge, baby belling
Having come from a large chaotic family, a special place of one's own is priceless!