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Legal, pensions and money

If I sound angry, it's because I am!

(39 Posts)

GNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

Cabowich Tue 02-Apr-24 09:40:22

About 10 years ago I bailed my daughter out of a hole to the tune of £5000. It might not sound a lot but it was to me. I swore I would never help her out financially again unless I was in a position to do so. She swore she would never ask.

And she hasn't, but she has asked her dad, my husband (for how much longer, I don't know) and he has drip fed her money over the years so she now owes him around the same amount. You know how it is - she needs new car tyres and will lose her job if she can't get to work, etc, etc. So he'll pay for them, she'll promise to pay him back, but doesn't, and so it goes on.

Last year, she was evicted from her rented house - it was not her fault, the landlord realized he could make a lot more money if he let out the house to students. When she found another rental property she had to find a guarantor. My husband stepped up even though I warned against it.

The house was damp and she's taking the landlord to court for compensation for her ruined furniture/clothes, etc. Everything is dragging on and now I've just realized that my husband will probably be liable for all the landlord's costs if she loses the court case. I'm off to the solicitor later to find out if my suspicions are correct - I strongly suspect they are. There's a sentence in the guarantor agreement that worries me - 'The guarantor will be liable for unpaid rent and any other costs'

We won't be able to afford to fight this so will have to sell our home if the worse comes to the worse. And I am so angry - with my daughter, my husband, the landlord, absolutely everybody and everything. I can feel a divorce coming on, too, because he just ignores my wishes every time to 'help our daughter out'.

NEVER agree to be a guarantor for anybody unless you can afford to deal with the consequences.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 02-Apr-24 09:45:22

Isn’t it about time your daughter learned to stand on her own two feet and live within her means?

NittWitt Tue 02-Apr-24 09:46:27

I'm really sorry you're so upset Cabowich, with good reason, and I hope there's reassurance for you from the solicitor.

Madgran77 Wed 03-Apr-24 06:04:16

Germanshepherdsmum

Isn’t it about time your daughter learned to stand on her own two feet and live within her means?

Well yes the OP clearly knows that! She did not create this situation, husband did!!

Whiff Wed 03-Apr-24 06:58:55

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Ladyleftfieldlover Wed 03-Apr-24 07:12:53

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Allsorts Wed 03-Apr-24 07:21:00

You are upset with your husband and with good reason. Your d sounds as if she needs a short sharp shock in taking responsibility, you have both enabled her knowing she drifts from crisis to crisis. How will she ever learn?
You will get out of this but it will cost you. In future you have to be the strong one and not give in to emotional pressure. If she has to live in a bed sit or hostel her mind will soon be focused as that’s where she’s drifting.

Whiff Wed 03-Apr-24 09:19:30

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Mel1967 Wed 03-Apr-24 09:41:01

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annodomini Wed 03-Apr-24 10:06:40

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Callistemon21 Wed 03-Apr-24 10:44:00

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

BigBertha1 Wed 03-Apr-24 10:47:32

Mel1967 I agree with you.

biglouis Wed 03-Apr-24 11:02:05

Nevertheless these kinds of situations DO arise when people sub out their adult children. The advice is valid - NEVER go as guarantor for anyone unless you can afford to lose thousands. There was a TV program where the feckless daughter entirely disowned any responsibility for the debt (rent owed) and the distraut pensioner parents had to negotiate with the bailiffs.

OurKid1 Wed 03-Apr-24 11:19:46

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Whiff Wed 03-Apr-24 11:22:49

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Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Apr-24 11:40:41

I can’t find the other post and don’t remember it Whiff. Might it have been on Mumsnet?

Millie22 Wed 03-Apr-24 11:49:58

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KellyGransnet (GNHQ) Wed 03-Apr-24 11:55:07

We've removed a few troll hunting posts from this thread. The OP's a long-term member of the site and we've no reason to think this thread isn't genuine.

Please always report any suspicions to us, rather than air them on the thread itself. We're always happy to check things out behind the scenes.

AGAA4 Wed 03-Apr-24 12:10:56

I can understand how angry you feel Cabowich. Your husband has been enabling your daughter to not stand on her own feet and now you are in this position.
It would need someone with legal knowledge to tell you if you can withdraw from being a guarantor but if that's possible I would do it.
Your daughter needs to grow up and not rely on you all the time.

HelterSkelter1 Wed 03-Apr-24 12:15:04

As they say on Mumsnet leave the bastard.

VioletSky Wed 03-Apr-24 12:26:19

I think it is a good idea to seek legal advice

Has your daughter left the property? Is she refusing rent? How much potentially could the case cost of lost? Important questions seeking advice

It's a difficult situation, your husband obviously loves his daughter very much but when your finances are shared, any outgoings should be agreed between you.

Does your husband know you feel strongly enough over this to potentially seek a divorce?

biglouis Wed 03-Apr-24 12:31:41

Op does not just have a daughter problem. She has a husband problem too.

Whiff Wed 03-Apr-24 12:40:55

KellyGransnet I am no troll and how dare you call me that.

The OP was posted on another thread. It was on GN as I never go on Mumsnet .

And I didn't say this thread wasn't genuine just said it was posted on AIBU or Ask a gran yesterday but a much longer version but saying the same thing . I have looked it's not on either now.

This thread was posted yesterday and a lot of GN members posted . Last I saw it was to page 3.

And if this gets deleted I want to know why ? Plus Kelly you owe me an apology.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Apr-24 12:46:47

Well said, Whiff. I think GN have totally misunderstood what you said, though it was clear enough to me and not troll hunting.

Whiff Wed 03-Apr-24 13:12:55

GSM just sent GNHQ an email as I am furious being called a troll.